Tag: woke hollywood

Economics, AI & ‘Woke’ Hollywood

I’m Dreading The Due Diligence Of Literary Agents When I Start to Query This Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

You know, you take yourself wherever you go. And I’m at a point in my life when I can’t get rid of all the evidence that I’m a drunk crank kook and have been that way my entire life.

My heroine looks like Corrie Yee in my mind as I write her.

My fear is, of course, that in about a year, when I start to query my first novel that I will see agents crawling around this Website doing due diligence on me and obviously being shocked at what a drunk crank I am.

I’ve talked about these fears before, but as I get closer to zooming through the third draft of this novel, I find myself thinking about it yet again. I just don’t know what I’m going to do.

I suppose, in the end, I do nothing.

Slings and arrows and all that. I just have to accept that I may suffer something of a “kook tax” yet again — the liberal white women who I believe make up the vast majority of literary agents may be aghast at what a freaky weirdo I’ve been as I written — and talked — over the years at great length, in vague terms, about what I hope is a six novel project.

Only time will tell, I suppose.

A Hot Take On ‘Woke’ Hollywood

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Everything is fucked up in the world. What I mean by that is everyone seems to have an agenda whenever anything makes them uncomfortable. At the moment, there seems to be two types of movies — big budget “four quadrant” blockbusters….and woke movies.

The president of Hollywood.
For someone who is a storytelling snob, this really grates on my nerves. It seems impossible to find just “a good movie” that doesn’t seem to be some sort of preening pontification on the “woke agenda.” And I say this as someone who considers himself center-Left.

I’m all for art having “a message” but there is this thing called….subtext?…that too many earnest Hollywood people seem to have forgotten about. I mean, I hope to write a six novel project that pretty much is just one huge, long screed against extremism in general and MAGA in particular. But my goal is to do it all in such a way that you, the reader, won’t really realize what’s up unless you give it a lot of thought.

That’s the dream, at least.

I know why we have such a problem with over-the-top “woke” movies — the economics of movies are such these days that the only people willing to do passion projects are people who are members of the “woke cancel culture mob” who think you can only tell a story if all its characters are gay and / or a minority. (South Park has a good recent episode on this trend.)

I’m all for having representation in art. In fact, I organically have a lot of representation in my first novel. But at the forefront of my mind is TELL A GOOD STORY. If your message browbeats the audience to the detriment of your storytelling, you’re kind of shooting yourself in the foot.

And I know — I KNOW — that as a smelly CIS white male I’m opening myself up to a lot of hate by even bringing this up. But, I had to vent. I just would like to see modern interpretation of, say, a movie like The Big Chill or Time Bandits without the “message” of the movie making it unwatchable.

I Love Developing & Writing Female Characters, But The Process Can Be a Pain In The Ass As A Male Author

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

People love, love, love to pick on male authors for all being a bunch of clueless hornytoads when it comes to the female characters that they write. I’m so self-conscious of this issue that I over think everything to do with my female characters.

My heroine looks like Corrie Yee.
Then, of course, I turn around and turn my heroine into a part-time sex worker (stripper.) And given that I often write from a female POV, I find myself in a situation where I just can’t avoid talking about T&A, even though that’s the very thing that the fucking “woke cancel culture mob” things I have no right to describe at all as a CIS white middle age male.

But I dunno. It’s typical of my lot in life that I would inevitable gravitate straight towards the most problematic situation possible. And given that I’m a smelly CIS white middle age male, for some members of the “woke cancel culture mob” there just isn’t anything I can write that they would validate. So, fuck it, why not just endure the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and see what happens.

I like to THINK that I can write about women as a male author that won’t be embarrassing or cause women in the audience to want to throw the book across the room. But the whole sex worker element of the novel definitely makes it a provocative novel in the context of how sexless the “woke cancel culture mob” tends to be.

I’m happen with what I’ve come up with. I know people will really enjoy this novel once I finish it. The question is, of course, will the liberal white women who are often literary agents be cool with not just the contents of this novel but the fact that it was written by a smelly CIS white middle aged male.

Man, Dua Lipa Is Rather Chaste Compared To Madonna

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m old enough to remember how Madonna ran around quite naked in the late 1980s, early 1990s. It’s rather startling that someone like Dua Lipa — who clearly might be willing to nude for Playboy if it was still culturally relevant — is content with just the occasional spicy snap or faux nudity of a music video.

Its the rise of not just online porn but specifically OnlyFans that makes you realize what a brave new world we live in. Playboy is now a long-forgotten cultural backwater, a legacy brand. Meanwhile, mainstream culture in general has grown not only “woke” but rather chaste.

Of note — the moment MAGA Republicans have power again, they’re probably going to effectively ban online porn. It’s possible that soon enough that because of that specific act that Playboy may again have mass media appeal. I can’t predict the future, but such a thing is definitely one of those unexpected consequences of major policy changes.

I say all of this knowing how fucking dark the Playboy empire was in the shadows. But I do have an appreciation of the (romanticized) Playboy ethos. It would be so cool to bring back something like Playboy After Hours. That was the epitome of cool.

I Have To Accept That This Novel Is Risky & Could Be Controversial If I Actually Manage To Sell It

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Lulz. No one cares. But I really like what I’ve managed to come up with when it comes to the third draft of this novel — but for one thing. And that one thing is it’s kind of risky and potentially controversal.

I can write a great pop novel all I want to, but there will still be members of the woke cancel culture mob (wink) who will be enraged that a smelly CIS white male has a heroine who is both a sex worker and the owner of an alternative weekly.

And, yet, Barry was a success, so why can’t this be a success.

But I know how the world really works. I have to accept that the whole concept is so loaded that there will be some members of the woke cancel culture mob who get REALLY UPSET that I’ve done such a thing. Maybe if I was a transgender undocumented woman they would give me a pass, but, lulz, that ain’t me.

But. Shrug. I’ve always been different. I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here, as the song goes. I know my vision for the novel and that’s what I’m doing, come what may.

All I can do is just write the best possible novel and tell the best possible story I can think of.

A Lazy Review of ‘Oppenheimer’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I almost didn’t go see Oppenheimer because I felt I knew enough of what happened in the movie from Tik-Tok videos that I didn’t need to. But I felt compelled to see it and I’m really glad that I did.

My key takeaway from the movie was that Christopher Nolan wanted to keep the audience off kilter in an effort to reflect what happened in real life with Oppenheimer. There were some pretty big twists in the confirmation plot line that I just didn’t see coming.

And, what’s more, the issue of if the United States should have dropped the A-Bomb was another interesting moral conundrum. It’s kind of sad that the dropping of the A-Bomb is one of a number of loaded historical issues that is almost impossible to talk about honestly without risking being “canceled.”

Anyway, in general, I really liked the movie. It is definitely a “dude” film in that it deals with “dude stuff.” I’m not suggesting women won’t like it or that women can’t do “dude stuff,” just that the audience for the film is obvious men who want to see other men do “dude stuff.”

The seemingly ever-growing number of issues that are taboo to even broach in our “woke” modern world is enough to make one just want to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I still think, though, that it’s at least possible that the existential nature of so-called Fourth Turning may cause all our notions of “woke” discourse to seem rather quaint.

I’m Really Struggling With The Specifics Of My Heroine’s Appearance

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy. I know, in general, my heroine’s phenotype, but when it comes to her hair I’m having a real struggle. There is so much I can do with what she does with her hair that I find myself at a loss as to what I think would be the best option.

I vacillate widely from moment to the next about how she does her hair as the story opens. In this third draft, I’m really taking how I introduce my heroine a lot more seriously. I don’t want to sexualize her in any sort of gratuitous way because if I did anything like that there would be “woke” portions of the audience that would that would pitch a fucking fit.

They would say I’m just another horny CIS white male who is wants to fuck my heroine and is obsessed with boobs. As such, I am really self-conscious about how much I talk about my heroine’s appearance. And, yet, at the same time, I want to give readers a clear understanding in their mind’s eye of…her appearance.

My heroine kind of looks like this in my mind’s eye.

As a CIS white male writing from the POV of a female POC it’s kind of a no win situation. Woke people just want me to drop dead, not try to give them the representation they claim to want in their fiction. Only transgender, undocumented Mexicans can tell the type of stories I want to tell. Forgive me, I’m a bit grumpy and tipsy at the moment.

Anyway, you have to give me credit for at least understanding the sticky wicket I’m wading into. I get it. I’m a CIS white male, a member of the patriarchy and I should just shut up and let women and POC tell stories. But I’m an asshole and have a story to tell.

I’m trying to be as empathetic as possible, all things considered.

Of Olivia Munn & A Picture Not Being 1,000 Woke Words

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So, here is a picture that has apparently “triggered” the more “woke” amongst us:

The reason is — there aren’t enough non-white people in the picture. And, yet, Olivia Munn is there, hamming things up in a very conspicuous manner and she ain’t white.

So, I suppose the issue is — either Olivia Munn isn’t close enough to the camera to suit the “woke” people who are complaining, or these “woke” people are upset there aren’t any black people in the picture and an Amerasian person doesn’t count towards the “white liberals have to have x number of non-white friends at their dinner party not to be hypocrites” metric?

To me, the issue is not the whole suck-your-own-cock woke nature of things, but how fucking wealthy everyone in this picture is! Everyone in the picture above has GOT to be at LEAST a multi-millionaire and they live in their bubble of liberal whiteness with pretty much total disregard for us Poors.

What’s more, this picture from Kristen Bell also gives us validation of our most basic assumptions about celebrity — they really do all know each other and that’s why nepobabies control everything.

While I general believe the whole idea of “woke” is everything and nothing relative to the need of an ambitious Republican lawmaker trying to scare up votes, it’s shit like people attacking the Bell picture that really does annoy me. Should they have strategically put Munn closer to the camera to put at least one non-white person closer to the frame?

I dunno. I guess I’m not woke enough.

The Misogyny Directed Against Phoebe Waller-Bridge For Her Role In ‘Dial of Destiny’ is Shocking

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I found Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s role in Dial of Destiny to be one that established her as a Hollywood star. And, yet, from the way some commenters talk, you would think that not only did she suck, but that she took over the movie in a “woke” attempt to hand the Indy franchise over to her.

Now, here’s the context — there was a massive amount of bonkers chatter on YouTube that the time travel element of the movie was originially meant to be a way to turn Waller-Bridge into Indiana Jones by erasing Harrison Ford’s version from time altogether. They really got themselves worked out into an anti-woke Hollywood lather about this possibility.

And…then…it didn’t happen.

They claimed “victory” over the evil forces of Woke Hollywood, but I have my doubts. While I understand the fears — that definitely does sound like something Kathleen Kennedy would do to Indiana Jones — I just am not prepared to believe that was ever seriously considered, much less shot.

But, who knows.

The key thing to remember is I think, ultimately, the issue of who to turn the Indy franchise over to will be mooted because of technology. Soon enough, our digital assistant will scan our face, determine our mood and give us a very specific Indy movie that is completely different anything anyone else is watching at that particular moment.

It seems a foregone conclusion at this point.

I do wish, however, that Waller-Bridge could get her own franchise playing Dr. Susan Calvin of the I, Robot short stories. That would be great!