Be The Power
by Shelton bumgarner
@bumgarls
I wonder what would happen if someone from a major media organization asked Cooper Hefner what Playboy Enterprises knew about the FOTUS Affair theory. Would he stonewall or would he fold like France in 1940. That’s a very interesting question.
My gut tells me he’d fold.
He has every reason to help someone from another media company find out the truth of the matter. In this video I talk at great length about all of this. It’s pretty good.
by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
Just for fun, let’s think up names for this scandal-that-might-not-be-a-scandal. It only really matters if Trump’s the babydaddy.
The POTUS Babydaddy Scandal
La Affair Bechard
POTUS Fetus affair
Bi-costal affair
Trumpgate
Bechardgate
Bedhoppin
Proxy Fall Guy Affair
Wait, what?
Meh. Nothing really is all that catchy other than POTUS Fetus Affair
by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
The point of me continuing to talk about this is I just want to know one way or another what happened. I want closure. If Elliot Broidy is Bechard’s babydaddy, then I can go back to working on my novel. I just hate this not knowing. I hate the cognitive dissidence of it obviously being Trump on the face of it, and yet there being, like, zero datapoints for it being either Trump or Broidy.
It’s really frustrating.
I would be, at this point, content with a blanket denial from Bechard’s lawyer Peter K. Stris. Just tell me she didn’t bang Trump, doesn’t even know him and I’ll be content. Then we’d have the official statement.
Meanwhile, if I had the resources, I will fly to LA and try to ingratiate myself into the Playboy Bunny community. If I worked for The New York Times I will, like, call Cooper Hefner up directly say, “Bruh, what do you know?” I think if there’s any there there — which there may not be — we could guilt Playboy into fessing up. They have a huge vested interest in being the good guy in this imbroglio. Think of the sudden relevance and positive buzz they would get if they helped bring down Trump — or at least gave him a nasty political bruise? I would be shocked if their corporate self-interests would trump them helping The Resistance. If they did help in any cover up that would be seriously uncool, Playboy.
I guess what I’m saying is if you want to know the truth of this imbroglio, figure out a way to crack the Playboy Bunny community nut. Think of who we’re dealing with. Gorgeous, catty, gossipy young women who share everything and see themselves in a sorority. I would be completely flabbergasted if Bechard had not confided in one of them about who she was seeing, be it Broidy or Trump.
Anyway. I guess I hope we could shame Playboy into confessing whatever they know.
But simply don’t know. It could go either way at this point. It really could.
I’m just screwing around. This would have the same vibe as XTC’s “Dear God.”
Dear Jong
by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform
Dear Jong
greatly appreciate your time
didn’t mean to make you think
we wanted to bomb, bomb, bomb
but don’t mind
we don’t want to turn you into slime
dear Jong
dear Jong
dear Jong
we made coins for the event
now they’re not worth shit
wish we could still meet
without missing a beat
dear Jong
we remember Otto Warmbier
and what you did to him
and what you did to him
and what you did to him
we don’t think you’re satan
but if you keep calling Pence dumb
we’re going to have you on the run
what can I say but you’re really lame
dear Jong
dear Jong
we remember Otto Warmbier
and what you did to him
and what you did to him
and what you did to him
[bridge]
when you’re not around
we’ll have you on our minds
as we bomb you to hell
’cause we think that’d be swell
so now we’ll start a war
with a mighty roar
don’t come knocking on our door
we’re going to mop you on the floor
dear Jong
by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
I have predicted this several times in the past, but while we were busy minting coins for the summit, people thought this was uninteresting, but maybe not so much anymore: we will be at work with North Korea by mid-August 2018.
I predict this because Trump lacks basic human empathy and I doubt he would see the loss of 1 million lives in exchange for there being no Blue Wave and he reaching the poll numbers he so craves. So, that’s my logic at least.
We’ll see what happens.
by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
I have to not get so wrapped up in all of this. Even if Trump is the baby daddy, it won’t even leave a mark with his cult members.
With this one, I’m trying to tell the story of the time I was walking from Brooklyn to Manhattan on the Brooklyn bridge and something somewhat amusing — at least to me — happened. This would be a fun dancable pop rock song like Pulp’s Common People.
Brooklyn Bridge
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform
with Brooklyn behind me
what I should appear
but something I hold so dear
a sexy minx walking towards me
with Manhattan in the distance
she got me hot and bothered I’ll admit
we locked eyes and for a bit
I thought she would smile my way
mid-way on
Brooklyn Bridge
where dreams come true
Brooklyn Bridge
don’t look down
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
as I got closer I was ready
ready to smell her perfume
I imagined it was high class
just like her
she might exchange a word
I hoped as I prepared for the event
two ships passing in broad day light
on
Brooklyn Bridge
where dreams come true
Brooklyn Bridge
don’t look down
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
[bridge]
don’t get too excite
things can change
turn pretty lame
quicker than a heartbeat
you just want to flee
on
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
before we could meet
she turned away from me
with a shock
she soon clocked out
finding a way
to avoid our date with fate
she looked at me sly
but all I could do was laugh
at her misguided sass
on
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
Brooklyn Bridge
These are just a silly lyrics I’ve written so I don’t do anything else that might be considered productive.
Woke Bill Kristol
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform
woke Bill Kristol
he’s here to break it down
woke Bill Kristol
hasn’t sold his soul to Trump
he’s ready to rock
breaking it down for the masses
don’t get confused he on a short fuse
woke Bill Kristol
he’s able to defend his views
from all you fools
may have been an neo-con when it was cool
now he’s woke as can be
talks about MeToo on TV
making my eyes bug out with his positive views
what has happened to the rules
woke Bill Kristol
woke Bill Kristol
woke Bill Kristol
[bridge]
don’t sleep on the truth
get woke real quick
woke Bill Kristol is waiting
for you, you fool
we’re all in trouble
that no one can deny
Trump’s in town
wreaking havoc in the land
when will it all end
I don’t know
but keep an eye on woke Bill Kristol
he’s putting on a show
Now that I’ve run out of angles when it comes to the Trump — Broidy — Bechard imbroglio, I am going to see if I can write the lyrics to a few songs. As I have said, I just like the purity of writing lyrics. This is just me screwing around. But this would be a really smooth, dance track, like something Groove Armada might produce.
Broidy’s Baby
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform
he’s not a fool
he’s my man at least that’s the plan
keeps me content with his scratch
may be plump but he’s no lout
I’m proud to say at least for now
I’m
Broidy’s baby (x6)
he’s got a woman
so I’m his sidepiece
at least that’s what we’ll tell the press
and police
should the news break of the facts
it will be a trump to all the haters
who love to bring me down
I’m no clown that’s a fact
I’m a class act
because I’m
Broidy’s baby (x6)
[bridge]
don’t you worry
our love will never die
as long as the cash
keeps flowing by my side
we’re all fools for love
undercover in the night
waiting for the fright to pass
the facts will never see daylight
as long as my NDA is air tight
This would be in the same vibe as Drake or The Weeknd. Chuck D used to say music was the CNN of the African American community and as such this song would be a way to slip in some politics into a song that had a smooth beat.
Spygate
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform
it’s criminal what you’ve been doing
I see you walking around the neighborhood
rushing around with your new friends
what does it mean
why do you just want to flee
you used to be the one for me
now it’s crime against man
it’s a
Spygate (x6)
we’re all in this together
why can’t we fly up into the heavens
like we used to do
when we were in love
I have to spy on you here and there
bigger than Watergate
you’re doing it on the fly
leaving me just to sigh
Spygate (x6)
[bridge]
nothing has changed
in my heart
you make me want to dart
where to start
I don’t know what it all means
will we ever be as one
late at night wearing only love
or am I doomed to be
all alone
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