Month: June 2018

Someone Check On Taylor Swift, Something Weird Is Going On

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m not breaking any new ground here and really this just me idly rambling for no other reason than I have nothing to write about, but I’m watching a lot of Taylor Swift videos these days and something is really fucked up about that girl. Take the video for “Delicate.”

She gets to fulfill her wish of being invisible. If she got to be invisible for a moment what would she do? Bounce around dancing weird. Add to this that she has the worst luck with guys and it makes you wonder. She’s a gorgeous woman at the height of her creative powers and all she wants to do is be invisible.

Artists are notorious for psychologically streaking in the most conspicuous manner possible. Michael Jackson is a prime example of this. Prince also on occasion would do something weird that would make you think. But Ms. Swift seems like the only thing stopping her from going the full Britney Spears 2007 is her mental and emotional bolts are significantly tighter.

Meh.

Movie Concept: ‘Afterglow’

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m a concept guy. I have a real problem with plots. I can think up the scenario, but when it comes to populating them and having characters bang up against each other, I got nothing.

One concept that’s stuck with me for years now is something called “Afterglow.” In this movie, we see the life of a couple, maybe, through a series of vignette that open and close with that short moment of afterglow after sex. It would kind of 500 Days of Summer meets 13 Conversations About One Thing.

You could get kind of dark with this concept, or you could keep it wistful like The Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Anyway. No one listens to me anyway.

Dreaming

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Last night I had a dream I was suddenly famous and a famous person was mad at me for some reason.

Now, since no one reads this blog besides the odd person here or there who either knows me or is interested in my crackpot life, I feel comfortable idly remembering something of note. Right before I went to Korea, I had a dream that I hung out with Rudy in New York City. It was weird. It was a weird feeling of thinking something was so absolutely true, only to wake up and discover I was living my usual crappy life.

It doesn’t mean anything. Just a stray dream.

V-log: ‘Sniglets’ (The End)

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Unless something happens:

He was rich.
She was pregnant
End of story.

Ilana Glazer Or Phoebe Waller-Bridge Should Be The Next Bond Girl

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m a big fan of the James Bond franchise. I always liked the opening scene of Moonraker when the space shuttle is stolen. I really like what they’ve done with Daniel Craig. He’s very modern, very of the moment, and has brought a new level of creative seriousness to what had been a rather campy series.

I’ve written some before about how I think Ilana Glazer would be a perfect Bond girl. She’s funny, smart and audiences would laugh and laugh as a strong, independent woman such as she inevitably fell for James Bond. I saw Solo today and it occurred to me that someone who might fit the part a little bit better is Phoebe Waller-Bridge. She has the same spunk as Glazer, but she’s British and the interplay between she and Craig would be sexy and funny. Both women are hot in an unconventional way that would bring a little bit of spark to the movie.

Shrug. No one listens to me anyway. But when they do, cool stuff happens.

How Much Do You Trust The New York Times

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I love the New York Times.

It’s a great paper with a great tradition of quality journalism. When The Times tells me something, I believe it. No questions asked.

I do wonder, however, what their policies are on extreme cases. But why am I even thinking about this. If the New York Times tells you something, it’s right. That’s what I have to believe. I was told by the New York Times that the sky was blue and it’s blue. Doesn’t matter that I know damn well it’s sunset and it’s got a orange hue to it.

The New York Times knows what it’s talking about. That’s it.

He was rich.
She was pregnant.
End of story.

Continue reading “How Much Do You Trust The New York Times”

White Flag — The Parable Of Stoplight

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m wrong. He was rich. She was pregnant. End of story. I get it. I’ve embarrassed myself and I really need to move on. I think I’m going to start working on my novel again today. That’s it. Go for a walk, accept that I’m wrong and move on. I tried my best. But everyone who seems to look into this either flatly states there’s no there there or can’t find anything of note. So, that’s it. All of this is silly.

One of the key political events of my young life was my dad got mad over a stoplight that made it so people couldn’t make a u-turn. It really hurt his business and he fought authority and he won.

Continue reading “White Flag — The Parable Of Stoplight”

‘Fake News’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Ballad

Whatever. Just trying to tell a story in verse.

Fake News
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

don’t get the blues
it’s all over now
the truth is know
but we’ll wrap it up
in fake news

we’re protecting the young
’cause that’s how it’s done
we think you’re kind of dumb
and here’s the rub

fake news
what do you have to lose
with fake news
fake news

it’s all part of the plan
just don’t be sad
there’s a lot we don’t know
but it’s not of your concern
fake news

when you are gone
we talk about your charm
too bad it’s all in good fun
the harm is not about pulling your leg
just because of what’s in your head
fake news

fake news
what do you have to lose
with fake news
fake news

[bridge]
what’s wrong
why are you mad
do you have stars in your eyes
or are the just sighs

there’s not much more to say
much to our dismay
just go away, go away, go away

‘Martha Mitchell’ — #Lyrics To A Punk Song

In my imagination this would have a beat like a Clash song.

Martha Mitchell
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

we’re all telling the truth
he was rich
she was pregnant
end of story
ignore what you know
just move along with a new song
Martha Mitchell

we’re a fool to drool about this
it’s all figured out
without a doubt
stop casing about with your views
we know exactly what you don’t
won’t tell you any facts
don’t you fret

Martha Mitchell
she’s a loon
Martha Mitchell
you know we’re all doomed

now I’ll tell you
that you’re in the best of names
the fame won’t go to your head
’cause it’s all a lie
you’re not allowed even a smile

stop your speculating
we told you the facts
keep it up
we’ll think you’re a lout
with out a doubt

Martha Mitchell
she’s a loon
Martha Mitchell
you know we’re all doomed

[bridge]
there’s going to come a time
when everything spins on a dime
all we’ll let you is sigh

what’s your thing
why do you care I declare
you’re a nobody it’s obvious to see
why are we even talking to thee

‘Beverly Hills’ — #Lyrics To Hard Rock Pop Song

This would be like a Rolling Stones song. But literally no one cares about anything I do, so this is just me venting.

Beverly Hills
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

the sun beats down on the streets
people walk around dancing to a funky beat
lawyers all around
each one named Davidson
they are all independent
not one is orange
they know where it’s at in
Beverly Hills

there are plenty of cheep thrills
in Beverly Hills
they’ll cost you though
a cool mill
in Beverly Hills

when you got problems
even a rich rando
will give you a thrill
over a million ways
he’ll make your day
the lies don’t matter
’cause we’re making America great again
in Beverly Hills

there are plenty of cheep thrills
in Beverly Hills
they’ll cost you though
a cool mill
in Beverly Hills

[bridge]
there’s always a cover
when you’re in need
you can’t flee to your house
maybe bounce about

things are exactly what they seem
if you know what I mean
it’s all the truth
if you get knocked up in
Beverly Hills