Month: June 2018

‘Back In The Day’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Song

As I understand it, Madonna was quite the wild animal in New York City from about 1985 to 1994. She was plowing her way through the male (and female) population of the city at an alarming rate, so much so that people at the time took notice of its rapacious nature. So, I’m a big Madonna fan and this would be a pop song telling someone that tonight might get kind of wild.

Back In The Day
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

I see you on the couch
slouching in despair
at your heart broken
with out any chance of repair
stop being so sad about that lout
we’re going out

grab your coat and babe
the time is ripe
for you to party all night
stop pouting and get ready for a pounding
your new love is out there I know

we’re going to party like Madonna
party like Madonna back in the day
party like Madonna back in the day

we’re going to hoe our row
work our asses til they’re red
we’ll be turning heads left and right
girls and guys won’t know what to think

I’m not kidding you ’cause your no fool
we’re going to follow Madonna’s lead
crash a party or three
I’ll be Sandra you be Madonna
talking David Letterman

we’re going to party like Madonna
party like Madonna back in the day
party like Madonna back in the day

[bridge]
when we wake up tomorrow
we’ll find our new best friend or two
struggling to understand what happened
he or she will realize they’ve played their part
driving the dark out of our hearts

we’re going to party like Madonna
party like Madonna back in the day
party like Madonna back in the day

‘Good Time Girl’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Ballad

I like this one. In my fevered imagination it’s a slow pop ballad, but these are just words. What happens to them — which is probably nothing — is up to fate. I would need a co-writer and a producer to do anything with it.

Good Time Girl
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

don’t need any money when I’ve got yours
give you everything you want and more
show you a good time but I’m no whore
lots of guys want my body but they ain’t you
for the right amount I’ll be
your good time girl

don’t judge me for my life
just ’cause I my rich
doesn’t mean I’m a bitch

I’ll always be your good time girl
good time girl is what I am
good time girl
good time girl
good time girl

I know you think you’ve me figured out
but you just don’t know the truth
I always fly first class
with an ass like mine what else should I expect

guys are so easy to please
flip their switch and they’re ready to twitch
but when it’s time to pay up they get all confused
what really do you have to lose
I’ll take some more booze while you think

don’t judge me for my life
just ’cause I my rich
doesn’t mean I’m a bitch

I’ll always be your good time girl
good time girl is what I am
good time girl
good time girl
good time girl

[bridge]
I’ll make my way out of this
I tell myself every day
this is no way to live
getting laid for pay

when they finally come to take me away
at least I’ll have gotten my share
a few guys will have gotten laid
but there’s no shame in being
a good time girl

don’t judge me for my life
just ’cause I my rich
doesn’t mean I’m a bitch

I’ll always be your good time girl
good time girl is what I am
good time girl
good time girl
good time girl

‘Celebrity Crush’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Song

This is meant to be a dumb summer pop song. That’s all. These are just words. Someone would have to do something with them to make them a song.

Celebrity Crush
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

look at you on the my screen
I know in my heart you’re it
beaming into my soul is your role
you’d never deem me up to your speed
but what can I say you’re my

celebrity crush
rushing about soak up your sparkle
celebrity crush
lusting for a moment of your time
celebrity crush

if we ever met
then again maybe not
let’s not get started
with that dream
maybe it’s a little too much
for me to hope for

but it’s just a crush
no rush to the alter
seeing you on screen
does leave me breathing heavy
I’m no stan I swear
just a fan

celebrity crush
rushing about soak up your sparkle
celebrity crush
lusting for a moment of your time
celebrity crush

[bridge]
you’re my ideal
an idol of the best type
but you’re just a dream
when I wake up you’ll be gone

celebrity crush
rushing about soak up your sparkle
celebrity crush
lusting for a moment of your time
celebrity crush

Talk To Me Internet: Idle Rambling About Writing Lyrics

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Just idle rambling about my quixotic writing of lyrics.

‘Orca’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Ballad

This is the type of song that because of the chorus might be misunderstood as fat shaming. But I think people would forgive the use of “orca” if the rest of the song is making it clear the narrator is cool with the size of the woman involved.

Orca
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

the lights finally on
the last song has been played
everyone’s drunk
we’re all looking to get laid

my friends point to you and sneer
there’s an orca looking for the kill
you should go over there act like a seal
she might make you lucky you never know

no shame in a little weight
call her an orca if you like
but she’s mine tonight
orca, orca, orca
orca, orca, orca

drunk as can be I walk over to chat
you look at me with big bright eyes
realize I’ve met my fate
in the light you’re as beautiful as can be
no need to deny that I’m ready for ride

we get to talking and what do you know
you’re as sweet as can be
just the lady for me
buy you one last drink
before you know it we heading home
the seas were rough before
but it’s smooth sailing now

no shame in a little weight
call her an orca if you like
but she’s mine tonight
orca, orca, orca
orca, orca, orca

[bridge]
weight doesn’t matter
when you’re in love
just more to see
more to hold when
things get tight

there’s no shame in a little weight
especially if that whales a mermaid
waiting for a date

‘I’ll Have What She’s Having’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Ballad

These are just words. Could go any number of different ways.

I’ll Have What She’s Having
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

eyeing you two across the bar
I stare into my drink trying not cry
you’re so far away in your happiness
she gets to look into your eyes
while I got nothing but lies
I’ll have she’s having

we had our moment it’s true
time of sin that I can’t begin about
you made me want to scream and shout
with joy with our every bout with love

I’ll have what she’s having
is all I think
I’ll have what she’s having
I cry into my drink

I’ll have what she’s having

I’m alone now it’s sad but true
my only friend now is memories of you
the two of us ruled the world it seemed
then it all came crashing down
leaving me alone and sober in the dark

drinking you in across the way
there’s so little to day to my dismay
you’re gone for good I’ve got to admit
you get up to leave with her
what’s the rush I ask no one

I’ll have what she’s having
is all I think
I’ll have what she’s having
I cry into my drink

I’ll have what she’s having
I’ll have what she’s having
I’ll have what she’s having

[bridge]
need to sober up
stop drinking in the pain
the hangovers are too rough
but give me one more drink
of what she’s having

but I know in the end I’ll win
you’re restless and can’t be pined down
she’ll find you gone soon enough
awake to an empty bed
she’ll find herself like me
asking fate for a drink

I’ll have what she’s having
I’ll have what she’s having
I’ll have what she’s having

#Disrupt: How To Revolutionize Online Content Delivery Using The Gawker Domain Name

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m just idly avoiding developing a novel at this point on a sunny summer afternoon, so indulge me. The only way to establish a new online media Website is to completely break the mold. I’ve talked at great length about social media platform based on the concepts of Usenet, but it seems as though there is only one niche that it would actually work with.

If you were going to start a new Website like, say, Gawker, it just wouldn’t work in the traditional sense. The Web has grown too large and apps like Facebook and Twitter have segmented the online media world to such an extent that it’s pretty pointless to throw the necessary money at a blog to grow it into something like what Gawker used to be.

But what if you managed to buy the Gawker domain name, what could you do with it? It has an established mind-share, so it would really help in starting a new site. But don’t try to bring back the old Gawker, do something revolutionary. Use my concept of a social media network based on the concepts of Usenet to completely disrupt how we think of online content delivery.

You get a small, young passionate group of writers to churn out snarky material that doesn’t go into a blog, but starts threads in this new social media service. If you did it right, the service could be quite successful in my opinion. It would be hailed as the “Uber for online news” by the industry press. This concept is so obvious that it’s sad no one will ever do anything with it. I could go into an enormous amount of detail about this all, but I’ll refrain.

No one listens to me. Why should they?

Of Nicole Scherzinger & Writing Song Lyrics

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m extremely bored and am avoiding working on a novel, so pardon me while I ramble idly about Nicole Scherzinger. I really like Ms. Scherzinger. She’s drop dead gorgeous and has a great voice. But oddly enough she hasn’t had the solo success one might expect. She seems like a genuinely nice person who might not freak out because some rando wrote one blog post about her.

Anyway. I like writing song lyrics and I wish there was some way I could write lyrics for her. But I’ve finally realized that the entire industry is designed to prevent people like me from breaking in. But anyway. I pretty good at telling stories in verse, but that’s not my destiny. My destiny is either a novel or being a fashion photographer. Both of those things take time and that’s something I am in short supply of right now.

I’m not getting any younger and I need to stop sitting on my hands and do something, anything to move forward with my life. I think I’m going to at least look into being a bartender, but even that is going to take time to implement for various reasons. If I’ve learned anything in my old age is that no body owes me anything. You have to make do with what you’ve got an move on when it’s obvious you’ve reached a dead end.

Sick Sad World

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It’s just sad that a guy can’t have a celebrity crush anymore without the actual person you have the crush on somehow, someway finding out about it through their social media team (if nothing else) and growing concerned.

Or maybe it’s just that I, specifically, have been writing about someone in what I felt was an obscure corner of the Web. But if anything, I’ve learned there is no “obscure corner of the Web” anymore. Everything you put online is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. So if you’re a middle-aged weirdo who just fancies a celebrity because of their looks and wit, then, well, watch out. People are going to be profiling you left and right.

But whatever. Anyone who is actually, like, paying fucking attention, would realize I’m completely harmless. I may be something of an eccentric, but I don’t feel anything I’ve written online would actually concern anyone. Or maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe what I fear is going on isn’t going on.

Yet I just don’t want to risk it. I don’t want the hassle of a celebrity’s social media team poking back at me, looking at my LinkedIn profile and the like. It definitely puts a chill on things to write about when you’re as bored as I am right now. I really need to get back to work on my novel. I just have to summon up the courage to face my fears when it comes to writing it. That’s kind of tough.

Idle Rambling About The Novel Concept I’m Working On

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

The thing about writing a novel as opposed to a screenplay is you’re alone. With a screenplay, you have a large vibrant and supportive community of like-minded people looking to score with a story they’ve come up with, but with novels it’s just you. I love telling stories and I have what seems like an endless supply of pretty good movie concepts rolling around in my head. One thing I’ve learned the hard way is you have to have “paper” for anyone to take you seriously. You can’t just pontificate about some great idea to any and everyone who will listen. You have to actually put in the hard work of producing something someone can read.

One of the things I know I’m good at is taking pictures. That’s self-evident. I love photography because I can point to a shot I took and you instantly know if it’s any good or not. You don’t have to spend a few hours reading something I spent months, if not years, working on. You just glance at it and know if it’s good or not.

It’s just unfortunate that pretty much I’m 20 years behind the curve on realizing I want to be a photographer. Writing a novel, meanwhile, if you do a cost benefit analysis is something a middle-aged man can actually believe he might be able to successfully produce.

I still want to become a professional photographer, but I am going to start working on the novel again in earnest. Nothing, but nothing, is going on right now in my life. Things are at a complete standstill. So writing a novel gives me a distraction from what a disaster my personal life is right now.

The issue with the novel concept is as I currently conceive of it is it allows me to tell the story of ROKon Magazine in a layered manner that you won’t know that I’m doing it unless you know the story of the magazine as well as I do. The novel originally was going to be a homage to The Big Chill, but after developing it some, I realized it was pretty good, but it was a screenplay, not a novel.

So I went back to square one.

After I get some idle rambling out of my system, I’m going to finally sit down and work on character studies and try to flesh out the plot some. Right now I have a pretty good logline and that’s it. Now I have to figure out what, exactly, I want to say. That will probably suck up an entire day, if not more.