by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
My life would be so much better if I took the Red Pill and became a MAGA New Right conservative. I would be significantly closer to my relatives. I would have an extensive, built-in friend group. I’m articulate enough and generally passionate enough in whatever it is I believe in that if I would just take the Red Pill, I could be having dinner with Trump within six months.
But you know what — fuck that.
My biggest annoyance with my Traditionalist relatives — who aren’t MAGA New Right, but simply Good Germans — is they think they can get all the goodies of an autocratic white Christian ethno-state without the downsides that inevitably come with it. Form follows function, as they say.
So, because I’m a loudmouth crank who absolutely refuses to shut the fuck up about how I think President Mike Pompeo is a fat fuck, or President Josh Hawley looks like a cartoon character, eventually the very abstract “I only care when it becomes personal” red line that my relatives have at the moment about autocracy will grow very concrete: ME.
Because my Traditionalist relatives would not make common cause with people like me when it mattered — before the autocracy was established — I’m going to be fucked. I’m just too much of a loudmouth. I generally don’t follow the rules and because it’s inevitable — unless we have a civil war — that the United States will slide first into illiberal democracy like Hungary then outright autocracy like Russia, I’m going to run afoul of our autocrat.
I’ve made it very clear to my Traditionalist relatives that I refuse to shut the fuck up. They can tell me in hushed tones in private all they want to in 2029 how important it is “for the sake of the family” that I “behave” and not talk ill of the autocracy — fuck Mike Pompeo — but I’m not going to shut up. They had their chance to prevent such a clusterfuck and they sat on their hands.
Anyway, fuck autocracy. Fuck taking any fucking Red Pill. Live free or die, as they say.
