by Shelt Garner
Oh boy. I have no idea what is going on with this novel. In one way, I’m simply spinning my wheels. Every day, just as I think I’ve locked down a beginning and I understand relationships….everything changes when I see a different, better way to start the novel. Which makes me wonder if the second draft of the novel is really, really bad and being forced to add 20,000 words (at least) has forced me to improve my storytelling ability.
I just don’t know. I just don’t know what’s going on.
The novel is changing a great deal and my understanding of the characters is improving significantly. I just worry that I’ll be 100 years old before I finally “give up” and accept that this novel isn’t going to be “perfect” no matter how hard I try. UGH.
Because all of this is happening in a vacuum, I just have no context to what’s going on. It could be that this novel will always suck because I’m a bad writer. Or it could be that I’m just experiencing a severe learning curve simply because I was starting at such a low level.
And all of this is happening in the context of my growing older and, in general, falling apart. I really feel that I have a limited amount of time to put up or shut up. I can’t just keep revising this fucking novel forever. It’s a really good concept and no one gives a shit unless they can actually read a — good — novel. All of this is happening in the context of me wanting to at least get into screenwriting.
So. I don’t know. I just have to keep working as hard as I can.