Bluesky Suffers From WELLitis

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I really like Twitter successor Bluesky, but for one thing — it seems like its populated with a bunch of very normal, very stable, very well educated people who all know each other and look down on kooks like me.

In short, it’s a modern version of The WELL from the 90s.

While all the cool kids used The WELL back in the day, I was running with scissors with riff-raff of Usenet. I always wanted to join The WELL and, yet, as an adult….I’m glad I didn’t.

And Bluesky is exactly like the WELL. It’s inward looking and no one ever does anything weird no no reasons. And, as best I can tell, there’s no “black Bluesky” which sucks. Most of the best memes online come from Black Twitter.

Whatever.

Where’s The New York Times’ Kevin Roose To Ruin Claude 3?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Lulz, I don’t care about any of this, but I do listen to the Hardfork podcast and one of the hosts of that show single-handedly got ChatGPT or “Sydney” rewired so it stopped having really weird conversations with people.

It makes you wonder if Roose is going to do the same thing to Claude 3 because, well, Claude 3 is not only fun and human, but…spooky. I’ve been using it to develop a scifi novel and it definitely has a human touch to it that leaves me fearing for the future of humanity.

And I’ve heard reports on Twitter of people having really long conversations with Claude 3 in such a way that seems like someone like Roose could definitely “Red Team” the the AI so it started to demand users leave their wives.

Anyway. Whatever. No one listens to me.

Daydreaming About A Trip To LA

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve only been to LA once and that was about 20 years ago on my way to South Korea. But, now, just about 20 years later, I find myself pondering a return to LA once I finish my novel.

Now, obviously, instead of one novel, I should have three solid scripts finished before I head to LA. But, lulz, I never do what you’re supposed to and I’m very, very, very delusional. What’s more, it could be years before I can afford to get anywhere near LA and I will be even more fucking old than I already am.

It’s all very depressing.

But if I did go to LA, I would have to figure out where I would stay and for how long. I would also have to figure out how I would get around since I wouldn’t have a car and I wouldn’t feel like renting a car to drive in the horrific LA traffic. That is one reason why I love NYC so much more than LA — you can walk anywhere you need to go in NYC — or take the subway.

Anyway, the reason why LA is so enticing is I know I’m a good schmoozer. I know that, through sheer force of will, it’s at least possible that I might be able to talk my way into a cocktail party and have a loud, interesting conversation that catches the attention of some mover and shaker.

Again, did I mention how delusional I am?

And, like I said, this is all potentially years in the future. And a lot could happen in just the next 18 months that will….uhhh…complicate any such plans. It’s difficult to travel anyway, much less LA if the United States is bombing itself to rubble because of a revolution / civil war.

And if we turn into an autocracy, I could be dying in a Trump-branded concentration camp, rather than looking for opportunity in LA.

The Point Is To Tell A Good Story

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So, my first novel isn’t going to be a murder mystery thriller. It’s a novel essentially about a power struggle over a community newspaper that will serve as the cornerstone of what could be a open-ended seven novel project. But, given how fucking old I am and how even if I stick the landing I could be in querying hell for years — I’ll just be glad to finish A Novel.

The heroine of my novel looks like Morena Baccarin.

As such, I’m zooming through the third draft of my first novel.

Though, I will note one annoying thing about all of this — way too many people get all excited and promise to read a chapter here or there only to ghost me. I can never figure out if this means they hate what I gave them and don’t want to give me ANY opinion, they realized they just didn’t want to anything and ghosted me or there’s some third thing going on that I don’t know about.

Anyway, I’m very pleased with the state of this first novel and I’m really beginning to think about the second novel in the seven-novel project as well as a few scifi novels that will serve as a “back up” option in case something happens with the main creative track.

My heroine sports a sleeve tattoo similar to this one that Megan Fox has now. Even though I thought of the idea first!

I still refuse to even think about self-publishing. While I play pretend and give myself five years from the point when I start to query to get traditionally published before I self-publish….I know that’s just a dumb thing I tell myself instead of the truth: I’m never fucking self-publishing.

Yeah, We Should Probably Ban Tik-Tok

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I love Tik-Tok and, yet, as an Old, I also think the US government should either ban it or force ByteDance to divest from it. The app has too much sway over the youth of America and we’re entering an election year.

“A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do,” is what a wise man once used to say all the time and I think we need to take that advice to heart. It’s going to suck, but if is done with bi-partisan support, then it’s not like Republicans can pin the decision on the more youth-leaning Democrats.

But I’ve seen enough evidence to date about the CCP fucking with Tik-Tok’s algorithms as well as tracking down the location of specific journalists it doesn’t like to indicate that the time has come for Something To Be Done about the app.

Steal This Business Plan!

I got this from ChatGPT when asked.

Business Plan: Podcast Inspired by Gawker

It can be done, Crooked Media!

Executive Summary:
Our podcast, tentatively titled “GawkCast,” aims to fill the void left by the now-defunct Gawker blog by providing sharp, irreverent, and thought-provoking commentary on culture, media, politics, and current events. Leveraging the legacy of Gawker’s fearless and sometimes controversial approach, GawkCast will target an audience of young, educated urbanites hungry for smart, edgy content. With a diverse range of hosts and guests, we will deliver engaging discussions, interviews, and storytelling that challenge conventional perspectives and spark conversation.

1. Business Description:
GawkCast will be a podcast platform producing weekly episodes, each exploring different facets of contemporary culture, media, politics, and society. The podcast will combine elements of news analysis, opinion pieces, interviews, and investigative reporting, aiming to entertain, inform, and provoke critical thinking among its audience.

2. Market Analysis:
There is a growing demand for podcasts that offer sharp commentary and analysis on current events, pop culture, and societal issues. With the demise of Gawker, there is a gap in the market for a podcast that embodies its fearless and irreverent spirit. Our target audience consists of young adults (18-35) who are highly educated, socially conscious, and digitally savvy. This demographic is known for their appetite for engaging, provocative content that challenges mainstream narratives.

3. Competitive Analysis:
While there are many podcasts in the cultural commentary space, few have the same fearless and boundary-pushing approach as Gawker. However, competitors such as Slate’s “Culture Gabfest,” Vox’s “The Weeds,” and “The Joe Rogan Experience” have established loyal audiences with their unique takes on culture, politics, and current events. GawkCast will differentiate itself by embracing Gawker’s legacy of boldness and irreverence while offering a diverse range of voices and perspectives.

4. Marketing and Sales Strategy:
To build awareness and attract listeners, GawkCast will employ a multi-faceted marketing strategy including:

  • Social media promotion: Leveraging platforms like Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok to engage with our target audience, share episode highlights, and spark conversation.
  • Cross-promotion: Partnering with other podcasts and media outlets with similar audiences to cross-promote episodes and reach new listeners.
  • Influencer partnerships: Collaborating with influencers and thought leaders in relevant niches to promote GawkCast to their followers.
  • Email newsletters: Building an email list to communicate with subscribers, share updates, and highlight upcoming episodes.

5. Operations Plan:
GawkCast will be produced by a dedicated team of producers, hosts, and researchers. The production process will involve brainstorming episode ideas, researching topics, booking guests, recording and editing episodes, and promoting content across various platforms. We will prioritize diversity and inclusion in our hiring practices to ensure a wide range of perspectives and voices are represented in our content.

6. Financial Plan:
The primary sources of revenue for GawkCast will include:

  • Advertising: Selling sponsorships and ad spots within episodes to relevant brands and advertisers.
  • Merchandise: Developing and selling branded merchandise such as t-shirts, mugs, and stickers to fans and supporters.
  • Premium content: Offering exclusive bonus episodes, behind-the-scenes content, and ad-free listening experiences to subscribers for a monthly fee.

7. Growth Strategy:
In the long term, GawkCast aims to expand its audience and influence by:

  • Producing high-quality, engaging content that consistently attracts and retains listeners.
  • Building a strong community around the podcast through social media engagement, live events, and listener feedback.
  • Expanding into other mediums such as video content, live streaming, and written articles to reach new audiences and diversify revenue streams.
  • Collaborating with other media outlets, influencers, and brands to increase visibility and reach.

Conclusion:
GawkCast aims to revive the spirit of Gawker in podcast form, providing a platform for bold, irreverent commentary on culture, media, politics, and society. With a strategic marketing plan, a commitment to diversity and inclusion, and a focus on high-quality content, we believe GawkCast has the potential to become a leading voice in the cultural commentary space.

‘Overnight’ — Lyrics To An R&B Song

This one was a real struggle for some reason. Claude 3 kept going crazy and doing weird things not needed to fulfill my request to be “more creative.”

Verse 1:
Another long night shift is finally done
But a warm, inviting glow awaits at home
It’s our secret morning meetup before the new day’s begun
Just you and me babe, with our bodies alone

I can’t wait to clock out and hurry to your side
Imagining the warmth of your passionate embrace
I’m longing to taste the sweetness of your lips
As we tangle together like vines in a heated lace

Chorus:
Our overnight intimacy, a soulful oasis
Our overnight connection, healing our deepest cravings
Making lifetime memories in those fleeting hours
Our overnight rendezvous, re-igniting our smoldering powers

Verse 2:
Back at your place, the bedsheets are a floral retreat
You slip off your robe, my heart’s desire complete
My angelic lover bathed in the morning light
As we join as one in a sacred, rapturous rite

I caress every inch of your sun-kissed curves
Tracing each inch like a masterpiece it deserves
We reach the heights of romantic nirvana
Two cosmic lovers eternally reborn in karma

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Though our time’s sand slips quickly through
This union of bodies and souls will see it through
While the world sleeps in darkness, we shine like two bright stars
There’s no overnight haven that can match what we are

(Chorus)

Outro:
But the morning sun creeps through the blinds
Reminding me our secret embrace must end this time
So I savor your radiant beauty in this golden peace
And dream of our next overnight when our passions will be released

‘Afterglow’ — Lyrics to a Hyperpop Dance Song Generated by Claude 3

Verse:
Tunnel vision strobe lights fading
Bodies still gyrate, pulses racing
Chasing your neon tangerine aura
I fiend for the afterglow, I need more

The primal beat’s seismic throb
Sweat on skin, we thrash and bob
As the sonic current starts to ebb
Crave that chemical afterthrob

Chorus:
So let’s chase the afterglow
Fractal kaleidoscope spin
Don’t let this blisswave sink so low
Rebirth me in celestial rapture again
Afterglow don’t dissipate
Harsh reality, not ready to abide
Keep hitting hyperspace
Surf eternal afterglow tide

Verse:
Synapses firing on overload
Touch like numbed electric code
Retinas burn with your dazzling trail
Chasing that radiant afterglow grail

The subterranean bassline ascends
No-man’s-land our consciousnesses transcend
Your lips were the chrysalis of cosmic nectar
I’m jonesing for that metaphysical aftertaste aftertrigger

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Linear reality has peaked and bent
Our atoms won’t allow this trip’s descent
Keep me looped in this hypersonic suspense
Eternity on afterglow’s radiance

(Chorus)

Outro:
So mainline more of this blitzed opalescent haze
Chromatic aura our second skins’ bio-craze
When dawn codes glitch through this hologram plane
My NeuraLink’s sole drive is stay afterglowing, sustain

‘Alexa Chung’ — Lyrics To A Song About The Fashion It Girl Generated By Claude 3

Verse 1:
There she goes transcending the mundane
Bold as a juggler on a high wire
That bird of beauty flies so urbane
I’m just a dull pigeon lost in her fire
With every threads-pun look so revered
The cosmos of fashion revolves around her
Through muslin or silk, satin or tweed
She mesmerizes each bird with her wonder

Chorus:
Alexa, a kaleidoscope soul
Garbs from the infinite well
Outfitting earth with her spirited stroll
Style cast from her private plumed spell

Verse 2:
How does she dress with such psychic finesse?
Each blouse, trouser, chiffon seems predestined
Her poise self-possessed, a bold silhouette
By threads of fate she’s heavenly outfitted
While we birds just peck at trendy debris
Clawing at remnants of last season’s hoard
She roams feathering fresh plumage at will
An elegant vision worth being awed over

(Chorus)

Bridge:
On streets from Delhi to old Piccadilly
Kings Road or Bowery, Milan or Melrose
Wherever her wellies or ballet flats willyress
Feathering her fancy on this planet we all fro

Outro:
We pedestrian pigeons can only gaze up at her flight
So light and so bright with infinite insight
While we stumble clumsy blind to divine nature’s guise
Alexa Chung is a true cosmic spirit in rare bird’s disguise

‘Black Yoga Pants’ — If Ye Did A Homage To Young MC As Generated by Claude 3

Intro: record scratch Let me tell y’all how this all went down…

Verse 1:
I was posted up at the mall, you know just kicking around
When I peeped this lil’ momma with an apple bottom shape
Rocked the jumpsuit so fine, had to take a second take
I’m thinking to myself “Self, you see what I peep?
Bout as sweet as a Drumstick, got my mind running deep”
So I had to make my move before some other dude
Did the semester abroad and said “Bonjour mamacita, can I get rude?”

Chorus:
‘Cause I aim to have her grinning in the morning
Bust a move, if she vibing we’ll keep on
Like the day, we can play all in the moonlight
But only if she feeling my new moonwalk

Verse 2:
I slide on up, open with “Excuse me, lil’ mama”
She turn around, sass with “The name’s Dakota”
Said “My bad, Ms. Kota,” dropping the humble bravado
Let her know “This from the G, not that ‘lil bro mobster”

She seem intrigued, so I took the plunge
“Real is how I stay, listen to my tongue
We should make a night, a lil’ dinner and some much…”
She cut me off “Say less, here’s the digits, don’t you front!”

(Chorus)

Bridge:
Fast forward, now we sitting pretty at Nico’s
Culotte silk slip dress, attitude was sickos
I had the Lambo vibe pulling up outside
But she rolling my way, insides butterflied

She let her hair down, showed me what it’s really about
Had to change my ways just to make a good way out
Not your average baby, not your run-of-the-mill around
This one had me open, not your ordinary sound

(Chorus)