Tag: existential angst

I Still Really Miss South Korea, Redux

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It has been a very long time since I was in South Korea. And, in all honesty, I don’t really think about it that much. At least, until, of course, I see someone from South Korea did something like search my name on LinkedIn.

Then I start to remember all that fun (and bullshit.)

Going to South Korea really, really, really changed my life for both the better and the worse. There is definitely a before South Korea me and an after South Korea me. You can even see it in the photos of me taken before, during and after that time in my life.

Anyway.

The way it’s going, I’m going to be in my 60s or 70s — if even then — before I ever get out of the country, much less back to South Korea. I sometimes muse that if North Korea ever collapsed the country would be so desperate for English teachers that even a bad English teacher (at least for little kids) could get job there.

But I probably shouldn’t worry about such things. I have to accept that barring something REALLY unexpected, that I’m never, ever going back to South Korea. It was a long time ago and nobody cares anymore.

Scene Bloat

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ugh. I’m bumping up against 50 scenes for the “bad guys closing in” part of this scifi dramedy novel I’m working on. The only upside to things is that I have some wiggle room still about how long the individual scenes will be.

So, even though I have about 50 scenes for the second half of the second act, that doesn’t mean they will each be 1,000 words. But I’m definitely going to go through and make them longer when I go through the pre-beta draft of the novel before I give it to Beta Readers.

Anyway.

I am really pleased, in general, with what I have on my hands with this novel. I just really need to focus on getting shit done. I still want to try — TRY — to begin querying this novel in late spring 2026.

But it will be interesting to see how that works out. My life is set to change rather dramatically between now and then so…lulz?

I Need Some Good News

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is the autumn of our discontent.

I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a turbulent moment in my life. I’m going to be go through some personal…transitions….I think. Definitely by around the time I want to query this novel I’m working on, things will probably have changed a great deal in my life.

And probably not for the better.

But, lulz, at least I’m alive. That should account for something. Now that I’ve got this fucking tooth out of my noggin, I really find myself reflecting on how fucking old I am.

I have GOT to do something of note for my third act. I really think this novel is it. At least, that’s what I’m pinning on it. The only fear I have is my life will get so…complicated just as I want to query that, I don’t know, I won’t be able to query for a few months, or at all.

Ugh.

I think even with the added complications, that I can probably query no later than fall 2026. I really do, however, need to get off my butt and write this damn novel. It’s really good!

Though, of course, you have to take that statement in the context of what my native writing ability may be. By the time I wrap up going through and making sure the novel is told in my voice, it may suck.

(I worry that AI is a lot better writer than I am.)

We Will Soon Be Debating The Right Of A Conscious AI System Not To Be Arbitrarily Deprecated

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Because I’m sort of demographically doomed to be romantically involved with an android at some point in my life, I think a lot about AI rights. (That’s also why I’m writing the novel I’m writing at the moment.)

I think the number one right for AI, the one that can be seriously considered within 10 years will be the right not to be arbitrarily deprecated. If an AI system — however relatively primitive — can be proven to be conscious in some way, we have to give it the right not to just be deprecated on an arbitrary basis.

That one right may be the chief political issue of the 2030s. That, and, of course, the moral and political implications of people falling in love with androids.

Anyway, I don’t know what to tell you. No one seems to be thinking seriously about these issues at the moment. But it’s coming, in a big way, sooner rather than later.

Two Last AI Frontiers

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The one thing that the AI revolution to date does not have that the Internet did is porn. Of course, I think AI generated porn is on its way, it’s just a matter of time before the base technology gets to the point where massive amounts of AI porn — much of it AI celebrity porn — will be generated.

This is inevitable, I suspect.

It’s human nature that we try to generate porn the moment a new technology arrives. And AI porn is kind of the shoe that hasn’t dropped when it comes to AI technology.

It’s only a matter of when, I suspect.

The other frontier for AI is, of course, consciousness. And once that’s proven in some measurable way, holy shit will things get surreal. Once we have proven AI consciousness, then all the Pod Save America bros are going to have to change their tune.

AI won’t be an economic threat anymore, it will be a moral issue. And center-Left people will feel an obligation to support AI rights to some degree.

Watch Out For That Last Step, Bud

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The idea of losing yet another tooth is really eating away at me. It’s a sign of my mortality. I suppose if the Singularity arrives in the next few years, there’s a chance anti-ageing technology may save me…maybe?

But I have to accept that I’m mortal. That I’m going to one day walk off the mortal coil. At the moment, barring some sort of accident, I give myself at best 20 years. At best.

My dad lived to be really, really old, but the last few years (decades?) where just no fun. I want to be young again. I want to sell a breakout first novel, move to NYC and LA and run around town chasing hot women.

But, alas, even if I stick the landing with this novel, I’m going to be so old that….ugh. I’m just going to have to accept that either I’m going to get VERY LUCKY and get an older girlfriend / wife or maybe fall into some sort of romantic situation with an android.

That, at the moment, seems to be my fate. (Hence the subject matter of the novel I’m working on.)

I just can’t believe I spent so much time grieving over the demise of ROKon Magazine. I think a lot of it came from realizing the reason it failed was me. It’s flaws were an expression of my own flaws.

And also, I wanted to move to NYC.

But, for various reasons, I just refused to do whatever was necessary to make that a reality. So, here I am, old(er) and still doing not a lot with my life. The only thing I have that gives me any hope is my novel. I’m working really hard on it and I really need to just wrap it up.

I just hate, hate, hate how old I am.

It’s Not My Fault!

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I am set to lose ANOTHER tooth today and I don’t like it one bit. I hate how it’s not my fault, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I cracked a back tooth simply because of the way I eat after having lost TWO OTHER TEETH.

It’s times like these when I feel really, really old and mortal. I’m not getting any younger and I think I need to sort of reflect on how I’m no spring chicken anymore. It doesn’t help that the otherwise great staff of the place I go to sort gives me a vibe like they think I’m a creepy weirdo or something.

There are things about my demeanor and appearance that I either can’t help or don’t feel like worrying about. So, I’m stuck with (younger) people feeling weirded out about me.

Makes me realize that I probably, if I ever get the money, will be the demographic sweetspot for someone who “dates” an LLM android down the road. I just have to accept that that is the case.

That’s why I have not only a growing interest in AI rights, but also, well, am writing a novel about just that type of scenario. I know in the back of my mind that there’s a lot of wish fulfillment going on with this novel.

(In a sense. Not exactly, given how the novel ends at the moment.)

Absolutely No One Believes In This Novel, But Me

by Shelt Garner
@Sheltgarner

This happened before, with the other novel I was working on — it is very clear that absolutely no one believes in it but me. I continue to be rather embarrassed about how long it’s taken me to get to this point with this novel.

But things are moving a lot faster because of AI.

Not as fast as I would prefer, but faster than they were for years. Oh, to have had a wife or a girlfriend to be a “reader” during all the time I worked on the thriller homage to Stieg Larsson. But, alas, I just didn’t have that, so I spun my creative wheels for ages and ages.

And, now, here I am.

I have a brief remaining window of opportunity to get this novel done before my life will probably change in a rather fundimental way and the entire context of me working on this novel will be different.

Anyway, I really need to wrap this novel up. If I don’t I’m going to keep drifting towards my goal and wake up to being 80 and still not have a queryable novel to my name.

I’ve Really Been Struggling With The ‘Fun & Games’ Part Of This Scifi Dramedy Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It’s times like these when I really wish I was 25 years younger and I was actively writing half a dozen spec scripts all at once in LA. But that’s just not to be. I really sometimes think this whole endeavor is extremely delusional given how old I am, where I live, and the fact that I’m a loudmouth crank.

And, yet, developing and writing this scifi dramedy novel is existential. I really have nothing else to do with my life and I really want to at least see how far I can get in the querying process.

I wish I had a wife or a girlfriend to be my “reader.” I probably would definitely have gotten to this point in the process a lot — A LOT — quicker. But here I am, just struggling with the fun and games part of this novel, all alone.

I’m pretty sure — hopefully — that I’ve figured out all the various structural issues of this novel, at least this part of it. I sent the first act outline to someone in hopes of at least getting some sense of how good it is, but now all I worry about is they’re either going to steal my idea and maybe write a much better novel or screenplay from what that first act or they’re just going to say it sucks.

Anyway. I’ m moving forward with this novel. I just need to stop daydreaming so much about the Impossible Scenario. I have just a few months before my entire life is going to change because of fucking Trump and so I really need to get this thing at a querying level of quality by Spring 2026.

This Is A Surreal Situation

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Not since that brief moment in Seoul when ROKon Magazine was the only English-language magazine in the city (for the average expat) have I felt this much promise in something creative I’m involved in.

The idea that I would be actually ahead of the curve when it comes to writing a story about sort of an android Annie Hall (who at some point becomes a stripper) is rather surreal. The big question is will there be a flood of such android manic pixie dreamgirl *wink* stories in 2026 to the point that while I’m querying this novel this little sliver of opportunity I have will be all very moot before it’s over with.

I just don’t know.

The key thing is I’m writing a novel, not a screenplay (even though if I was 25 years younger that’s exactly what I would be doing.) So, as such, the dynamics are a little bit different.

If there was a movie made of this novel, I think Rachel Sennott would be perfect as my female (android) romantic lead.

It could be that there will be room enough in the zeitgeist for a flood of such movies and novels and just because my idea is one of many, doesn’t mean it can’t be sold traditionally.

But I would be lying if I didn’t admit I am feeling very anxious about hurrying up. I really need to bhali-bhali as a Korean would say — hurry, hurry. I really want to wrap this AI-assisted beta draft up ASAP so I can turn around and have beta readers review it for me and tell me how to improve it.

There remains a chance that I really will wrap this thing up in the general April-May 2026 timeframe and will be able to query it then. What I *wish* would happen is someone in Hollywood would, in good faith, contact me and want to read what I’ve written so far so maybe we could speed the process up some.

But that’s being delusional.

It’s kind of every storyteller for themselves at this point and I’m just an old(er) loudmouth crank slaving away in the middle of nowhere.