#FOTUS — Something’s Up, But What?

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Let’s go through the datapoints we have at this moment.

1. Friday, Dec. 7th, 2018, Mueller is apparently set to drop some sort of sentencing document in regards to what Michael Cohen has told his investigation.
2. Donald Trump is flop sweating on Twitter tonight.
3. The last 24 hours, I’ve seen a minor — but noticeable — uptick in Web searches about my what I called the FOTUS Theory. Just out of the blue, I noticed people were suddenly interested in what I had written regarding that now-debunked theory. The theory was, of course, that Elliot Broidy was the fall guy for Donald Trump having an affair with Shera Bechard that produced a fetus that was later aborted under duress. (This was proven in a court of law not to be the case. It was Broidy. Broidy was the babydaddy.)
4. The FOTUS Theory has been completely, totally debunked and it was all a misunderstanding caused by Shera Bechard picking Keith Davidson to represent her in the NDA negotiations with Elliot Broidy that Michael Cohen was heading up. (Davidson and Cohen were best buddies, hence we all thought it was actually the reverse — that Trump and Cohen had picked Davidson because they could trust him. Turns out, not so! )

Here’s the FOTUS Theory in graphic form.

Having said all that, it begs the question — why are people suddenly searching for information about a debunked theory? Probably it’s nothing. Probably just enough people realized that the Cohen sentencing document is set to drop on Friday and they just were curious about the Elliot Broidy angle. Or, if nothing else, it was just a deep echo of interest out of the blue.

That’s probably what it is.

Here’s a video I made before I knew about the sentencing memo set to drop tomorrow.

But you could make the case — and here I am venturing off into Alex Jones territory — that Something Is Up. My best guess is all that will happen is Cohen will get in trouble for conspiring against Shera Bechard with Keith Davidson. Trump, AGAIN, will be proven not to be to be connected in any way shape or form with her. That’s my best guess. You really would have to have lost your mind to come anywhere near thinking maybe, just maybe the final Truth will come out and…we’ll learn FOTUS really did happen.

I just don’t see that happening. Bechard made a sworn deposition regarding her involvement with Broidy, so it just isn’t within the realm of possibility that we might have the ultimate bombshell — that Trump got a woman pregnant and forced her into having an abortion in exchange for $1.6 million.

That’s just not going to happen. Full stop.

I will note in passing that we still have no proof that Broidy and Bechard actually know each other beyond the negotiations for the NDA and their statements in court. No pictures, no nothing.

But that’s crazytalk. It’s embarrassing even to bring up.

So, my best guess is Keith Davidson is in trouble for his extremely unethical relationship with Michael Cohen. That’s the best The Resistance can hope for at this point.

Shelton Bumgarner is a writer and photographer living in Richmond, Va. He is working on hist first novel. He may be reached at migukin (at) gmail (dot) com. He is studying your interactions with this website, by the way. 🙂 He’s also sorry for writing so much about FOTUS in the past. He got excited. He should have been more controlled.

#FOTUS: The Curious Case Of Cohen, Mueller & An Uptick In Searches

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Elliot Broidy got Shera Bechard pregnant, pressured her into have an abortion, gave her $1.6 million to keep her mouth shut and, well, that it. That’s what happened.

Having said that, apparently some sort of document associated with Michael Cohen’s cooperation with Bob Mueller is set to drop tomorrow and, well, something curious is happening in my Web stats. It’s nothing big, but there is a minor uptick in searches for associated with what I called the FOTUS Affair (Fetus of the United States). This uptick happened in just the last day or so and I had no idea that anything to do with Cohen was set to drop on Friday. I knew Manafort was supposed to drop, but not Cohen.

Below is the conceit of the FOTUS Theory, which proved to simply be a big misunderstanding caused by Bechard’s initial selection of Michael Cohen’s best buddy Keith Davidson to represent her in her NDA negotiations with Elliot Broidy.

So, it’s curious. All I can say is maybe someone, somewhere is hearing chatter about Broidy — Cohen — Davidson screwing over Shera Bechard and that might be something mentioned in the document Mueller is set to release tomorrow. I don’t think it’s going to be any truly jaw-dropping news like Trump REALLY WAS the baby daddy. I just don’t see that happening, given everything we’ve heard about in a court of law on the subject. It just doesn’t make any sense that that would be what people are hearing chatter about and hence causing them to search for what I wrote about.

But it is possible we might hear something about what, exactly, Broidy — Cohen — Davidson did to screw over Bechard (simply because it was illegal and that’s it) and as such that particular shitshow will come to the forefront for maybe one news cycle. Probably won’t even make it through the weekend.

The whole thing is just…curious. Unusual. In just enough way to make you cock an eye. Why would people suddenly be searching for what I wrote? Who knows what and why? What, exactly, is going to be dropped tomorrow? It’s all very intriguing.

Below is a video I did earlier in the day before I made the connection between the Cohen filing and any potential Shera Bechard news.

‘The Donald’ — #Lyrics To A Rock Opera

This is my attempt to tell the story of the 2016 presidential campaign in verse. It’s very casual and very rough draft, but the song titles came fairly easily and it’s a rock opera, not a musical like Hamilton. But if you’re interested, I’d love to flesh this concept out with someone who, like, knows music and stuff. I’m sure someone out there is going to do exactly what I’m attempting but they’ll actually have the know-how to do it right.

Most of this is really, really bad. But I see this is just a rough draft. I wish someone would help me actually do something with this.

This first one is meant to set up the character. Again, this is barely a first draft. But I have some time on my hands and it seems the 2016 does lend itself to a rock opera of some sort. I just wish I could find someone who knew music to help me.

Donald J. Trump
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

a ‘small loan” from my dad
and I was ready to bet
been on your set since before Lennon’s death
I’m the man of your dreams don’t you fret
they call me The Donald
got my name on everything under the sun

they call me The Donald
I’ll sell you an invisible bridge
’cause I’m The Donald
The Donald
The Donald

I’m not going away
you’re going to respect me
others come and go
I’m here to stay
people claim to know me
want to scold me for being a fool
they’re just losers ’cause I rule
drool all you like you
I’m ready to hit a home run
bold is my style
when I’m not breaking my bank

dreams are meant to come true
so what am I to do
but throw down the gauntlet
proclaim myself the best to lead
this great nation
into the darkness
we’re going to make America great again
by tearing it down
with an exclamation

they call me The Donald
I’ll sell you an invisible bridge
’cause I’m The Donald
The Donald
The Donald

[bridge]
in my heart
it’s very dark
I used to be in on the joke
now that’s all up in smoke

I’ve always got a plan
making money is what I do
though I lose it just as quick
but it’s other people’s money
and I’m a big dick

they call me The Donald
I’ll sell you an invisible bridge
’cause I’m The Donald
The Donald
The Donald

This one is meant to explain the origins of Trump’s run for office. As I understand it, Trump legend has it that him being picked on at the White House Correspondence Dinner made him so mad he wanted to run for president. (Thanks Seth Meyers.)

They’ll Laugh At You
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

don’t run for president
don’t you dare
they’ll think you’re a joke
you’ll end up a punchline
the whole country will laugh and laugh
making you regret your act
they’ll laugh at you

they’ll laugh at you
I’m telling you straight
they’ll laugh at you
they’ll laugh at you
they’ll laugh at you

Meyers and his ilk
up at the podium smirk and mug
hoping you’ll get up and run
you have to sit there and take it
even though you’ve got the goods on Obama
know for a fact his Mamma knows the truth
he was born in Kenya and a Muslim to boot
they’re all laughing at you
they’re all laughing at you
they’re all laughing at you

now’s your chance
to turn their laughter upside down
make a run for it
a run for the summit
they’ll put you on Rushmore soon enough
once you get into the Electoral College
you’ll lance the boil
of a father who was way too cold

they’ll laugh at you
I’m telling you straight
they’ll laugh at you
they’ll laugh at you
they’ll laugh at you

[bridge]
in all seriousness
you’ve got to get going
time is not on your side
you’re not getting any younger
if you don’t move fast
they’ll laugh at you

so now we’re ready to go
you’re going to explode
popularity is your thing
the people will sing your name
not a dry eye in the scene

This is meant to be when Trump opens his campaign and rants about Mexicans.

Sending Their Worst
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

they’re a crisis on the border I tell you
rushing across into our nation
rapists and murders escaping justice
don’t know when it’s going to end
the losers in Washington can’t get it done
so I’m going to build a wall
to keep out the worst

they’re sending their worst
dark and dangerous
that’s who they are
they’re sending their worst
they’re sending their worst
they’re sending their worst

taking your jobs
leaving you on the curb
coming after all you hold dear
you have so much to fear
I’m the only one who can keep it clear

let me lob another attack
with me in charge things will change
law and order will be back
all your fears will be eased
you’ll have a job ’cause of me

they’re sending their worst
dark and dangerous
that’s who they are
they’re sending their worst
they’re sending their worst
they’re sending their worst

[bridge]
It’s all a lie
I know the truth
but I’ll make some money
be a star the way I want
all my dreams will come true
I’ll laugh and laugh

so give me your vote
we’ll drain the swamp
we’ll at last be on top
with me in charge we’ll stop them from

sending their worst
sending their worst
sending their worst

With this one, I just like the idea of talking about the conspiracy that Trump’s camp was involved in throughout the campaign.

Get Me Roger Stone
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

he’s the man to get the job done
we’ve got a shot of winning this
won’t run from my fate
there’s just one man I know
who can get us across the finish line first
get my Roger Stone

get me Roger Stone
get him on the line
he’s got the dark arts down pat
we’re in it to win it
for that we need Roger Stone
get me Roger Stone
get me Roger Stone
get me Roger Stone

I’m not going to lie
he’s my kind of guy
always up to dirty tricks
the type that gets your opponent licked
he’s a go-to guy for Russian spies
when this all ends he’ll have a grin

Roger Stone and I go way back
far into the darkness that you can’t see
but together our future is bright
we’ll be ruling the roost with all our might
just need a little bit of his juice
the type to give us a boost

get me Roger Stone
get him on the line
he’s got the dark arts down pat
we’re in it to win it
for that we need Roger Stone
get me Roger Stone
get me Roger Stone
get me Roger Stone

[bridge]
Roger will rush the Russians
no one has to know
might not even work
but what’s wrong with a little flirting
with an enemy of the state
if we win on the right date

Roger can get it done
I’m expecting my phone to ring
with him on the other side
ready to sing

This one is about the shenanigans at Trump Tower.

Take A Meeting
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

I love it
especially later in the summer
I love it
especially later in the summer

daddy’s always been good to me
gave me power over the company
as the election approaches
ready to make my name
going to meet “about adoptions”
if you know what I mean
love to take a meeting
later in the summer

I love it
especially later in the summer
I love it
especially later in the summer
love to take a meeting
love to take a meeting
love to take a meeting

no one will ever know
that adoptions are just for show
we’re here to connive
on the sly
with the Russians to get a leg up
with dirt they release

maybe we’ll be able to drive a stake
into Hillary Clinton’s campaign
by the end of the summer we’ll be on a path
to 300 electoral votes
dad will be so proud
finally give me the love I desire
won’t just be another son for hire

I love it
especially later in the summer
I love it
especially later in the summer
love to take a meeting
love to take a meeting
love to take a meeting

[bridge]
who am I kidding
why do I even try
I could hand the presidency on a platter
to old man
he’d just wink and nod

you never can tell
try not to dwell
my old man could win just yet
all our problems will be solved
I call your bet

This one is meant to be a dance pop song about Trump’s dumb campaign slogan.

Build That Wall
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

they’re sending their worst I tell you
it’s time we do something about it
I’m not going to rest
until we have a way to make your wish come true

it’s a white elephant
obvious to anyone who can see
but it’s not my money
what does it matter to me

build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall

we’re all going to live in a prison
one of our own making
but we’ll all be so proud once we’re in it
something there is that loves a wall
at least with my voters I know so well

it’s a white elephant
obvious to anyone who can see
but it’s not my money
what does it matter to me

build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall

[bridge]
never expect to win
but I’m riding the tiger
where it stops no one knows
if it’s at the White House
well, so it goes

build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall
have Mexico pay for it
build that wall

Another song about Trump’s dumb campaign slogans.

Lock Her Up
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

she’s got so many emails
floating out there I believe
Russia if you’re listening
send them out
all I gotta say is
lock her up

lock her up
she’s broken the law
lock her up
if I’d one half the stuff she’d done
I’d be in jail
lock her up
lock her up
lock her up

here I am a man of the people
hoping you’ll listen to me
all the ships at sea can you hear me
when push comes to shove
I think you’ll agree
it’s time to
locker her up

we’re all citizens of the republic
but she’s above us all
’cause she’s got the gall
I’m ready to call a vote
if you’ll just shout

lock her up
she’s broken the law
lock her up
if I’d one half the stuff she’d done
I’d be in jail
lock her up
lock her up
lock her up

[bridge]
let me go
keep me free
I may have broken the law
colluding with a foreign power
but no one has to know
until I win

when this is all over
and I’ve lost
I’ll have so much to shout about
making money hand over first
without a doubt

This another song about a frequent retort during the 2016 campaign.

But Her Emails
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

people gather round and listen to me
I’ve got a voice and things to say
I may be a liar for all to see
but at least I don’t have emails
weighing on top of me

but her emails
is all I gotta say
but her emails
we’re just getting started
but her emails
but her emails
but her emails

no matter what I say or do
people know in their heart what I’ll do
those emails are more important than my lies
it shows Clinton’s a crook
gotta vote for The Donald
yes you do
I’ll bring bring back the jobs
what else can you do

I’m in the clear
let me tell you
we’re all going to win the lottery
once I’m in power
we’ll finally get a chance to lock her up

but her emails
is all I gotta say
but her emails
we’re just getting started
but her emails
but her emails
but her emails

[bridge]
never use email
no not once
all I do is tweet out my crimes
knowing no one will give a fuck

when this is over
and it will be soon
I’ll be raking in the dough
basking in the sun

This one is about the Access Hollywood tape.

Grab Them By The Pussy
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

I can’t help myself
I gotta step out (of bounds)
gotta grab and strut
show ’em that I’m tough
put a tick-tack in my mouth
after that it’s a black out

grab them by the pussy
is my thing
grab them by the pussy
will make me a man
grab them by the pussy
grab them by the pussy
grab them by the pussy

people look at see
what I say in private
get mad at me
why would do they that I ask
it was obviously just a joke
it was a crass piece of gas

but I’m no loser
never been one that’s just not me
going to say I’m sorry
hope this will all go away
so I can be the winner in the end

grab them by the pussy
is my thing
grab them by the pussy
will make me a man
grab them by the pussy
grab them by the pussy
grab them by the pussy

[bridge]
what am I going to do
they’re on to me
maybe I’m really going to lose
but that’s the plan all along
you know, don’t you?

in the end
you just don’t know
maybe one day people will regret
that they have me another chance
but not this time
this time I’m on top again

This is about the second Comey letter, the one that sank the Clinton campaign for good.

Second Letter
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

you’ve been very bad I must say
we’re going to give your emails a second look
maybe you did something wrong
we don’t know
so we’re going to poke around again
don’t you know

a second letter is here
one to knock you down
a second letter dear
a second letter for you to fear
a second letter
a second letter
a second letter

I think you’re going to win
not to write this letter would be a sin
so here I am hurting you so
but you’re a winner
don’t you know

we’re all going to laugh about this
in the near future I can feel it
people will look back and say
he did the right thing at the time
much to everyone’s dismay

a second letter is here
one to knock you down
a second letter dear
a second letter for you to fear
a second letter
a second letter
a second letter

[bridge]
my conscious is clear
I know I did the right thing
there’s no way you’ll lose
is there

things rushing towards the end
I guess then we’ll know
if I should I have written
that second letter or no

This one is about Trump’s closing argument.

What Have You Got To Lose?
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

the end is neigh
we’re all going to die
so listen to me
as explain my closing offer
what have you got to lose?

I’m not ready to end this debate yet
we’re all going win this tonight I say
why would you worry that I’ll doom us all
when I can say to you with all honesty

what have you got to lose?
what have you got to lose?
what have you got to lose?

how could it possibly get worst than now
don’t even know where the president was born
so like me say with a roar I’ll change things
when all is said and done
what have you got to lose?

what have you got to lose?
what have you got to lose?
what have you got to lose?

[bridge]
you’ve got everything to lose
I have no idea what I’m doing
just a bozo with a voice
a guy you wouldn’t trust with a dog
here to lead you into the dark

what have you got to lose?
what have you got to lose?
what have you got to lose?

This one is about how Trump didn’t expect to win.

Election Night
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

the results are coming in
looks like I’m going to win
what have I done
how am I going to spin this
victory into defeat

election night
here we are
victory is assured
election night
election night
election night

everything is going to change
the Russians will know
how I bent their will
that will be hanging over my head
what am I going to do
what am I going to do
what am I going to do

we’re all in this together
I should feel light as a feather
but things aren’t as they seem
the weight of the world is now on me

when this is over what will I do
how will I explain the nature of
my victory
people won’t understand
that I just wanted to win
they’ll think it’s a sin
a sin, a sin, a sin

election night
here we are
victory is assured
election night
election night
election night

[bridge]
this is not want I expected
did not want this outcome
feel like I’ll soon be on the run
victory is defeat
I will soon meet my fate

what happens next is anyone’s guess
I’ll be president soon
God bless
when January arrives a new life begins
all my lies will come back to haunt me
is all I know

This one would be something of a codex.

Winter For The Donald
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

winter has arrived
the sky in falling I’m afraid
much to my dismay I have to tell the truth
as Mueller’s army rules the roost
what am I going to do
the truth will will out

winter is here
winter is here
winter is here

I’m not prepared to fight the last fight
people better than me have cracked
now it’s up to me to cast out the dark
hopefully find life in the light

it’s not within me to do such a thing
I live within the dark
the light is not my friend
winter’s darkness won’t last forever

winter is here
winter is here
winter is here

[bridge]
spring is coming soon
how will I survive
once the rains arrive
now it’s time to make plans
for when I’m behind bars

once the summer arrives
I could be back in New York
a prisoner of my own making
high up in the tower
I so love
forever remembering what once was

A Deep Dive Into Trump’s Potential Strategy Going Forward

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I may not be all that great at “game theory,” but I’m pretty good at strategic thinking. I have been wracking my brains the last few days as to what Trump is thinking now that he’s lost the House. It is telling that he fired Sessions so quick after this happened. But what, exactly, does it mean?

Look at it from Trump’s point of view — he knows he’s done some very, very bad, un-Constitutional things, but he also knows that no matter what he’s not going to be convicted in the Senate. It’s just not going to happen. There’s no way 67 Senators are going to convict the president, no matter what he does.

This is why it’s so difficult to figure out Trump’s strategy at this point. He knows some basic things to be true. He has two month so do whatever he wants to, but at the same time once those two months are up things change dramatically. If he’s thinking long-term, he knows anything drastic he does simply increases the already high likelihood that he will be impeached sometime in the first quarter of 2019. It’s a real struggle for me to figure out what he does. It seems to one scenario is he might leverage the next two months by striking first. It’s a risky strategy in some ways, but in other ways he’s simply what comes naturally to him — strike back and strike back hard.

So an argument could be made that he would rather declare war first and then hunker down for an impeachment fight rather than wait until January when it’s almost inevitable that there will be investigations and he will, in turn, be impeached. A lot depends on Mueller. If Mueller throws down the gauntlet between now and January, we will enter a surreal moment in our nation’s history when we pretty much just sit around and wait for the new House to be sworn in.

That’s why is seems from a cold, hard white-knuckled political point of view, it makes a lot of sense for Trump to strike first by firing everyone he feels he needs to fire and pardon everyone he feels he needs to pardon — looking at you Don Jr. — and declare war on the House using every available political tool and resource at his disposal. Trump knows that he is, because of the 67 votes needed to convict him in the Senate, pretty much a dictator at this point. He’s a king. And he’s almost certain to be re-elected for various reasons including a riled up base, an exceptional economy and general Constitutional rot.

So, in that sense, I have a hunch that very, very, very soon Bob Mueller will be fired, half a dozen people will be pardoned and absolutely nothing happens in real terms for two months. Trump will have two months to pound away at the in coming House, he can frame any investigations in cold, hard political terms to his base and the country is completely torn apart for the few months it takes to investigate everything, impeach Trump, have it go to the Senate and then die there. Of course, given the states, Trump’s trial in the Senate is likely to be a modern day OJ trial for a lot of people.

On a personal note, I would like to call bullshit on anyone who waves off the need to impeach Trump. I feel it’s out of hands at this point. History has made its decision and it won’t take too much investigation on the part of the House for it to become apparent that Trump has to at least suffer the historic shame of impeachment, even if we all know he won’t be convicted. Remember, the absolute last argument of MAGA will be, “Yeah? Well convict him.”

In other words, we will all know the gory details of Trump’s obstruction of justice, his conspiracy with a foreign power to influence his election….and nothing will happen to him. He will be impeached, but not convicted and that, as they say, will be that. He will win re-election and there will be a lot — a lot — of stories about Trump is now “unbound” because we had one silver political bullet and we didn’t manage to strike the werewolf.

Or, put another way, what will have to learn about Trump will have to be simply staggering for us to get anywhere near convicting him in the Senate. I would also like to note that the moment MAGA people do the “Pence Pivot” whereby they talk about what a “man of God” Pence is and they really voted for Pence, not Trump in 2016 is the moment Trump’s goose is cooked. But what would have to happen for the Pence Pivot to happen would be so astonishing as to leave me astonished.

In short, Trump is likely going to get impeached, be acquitted in the Senate and cruse to a pleasant victory in 2020. That is without considering the possibility of a major terrorist attack or war with either Iran or the DPRK. So, Trump will start campaign in 2024 for his “legacy” and hopefully by that point The Resistance will have come up with the leadership necessary to deny him one.

Shelton Bumgarner is a writer and photographer living in Richmond, Va. He is working on his first novel. He may be reached at migukin (at) gmail (dot) com.

Rudy: There Are 183 Cohen Tapes Dealing With Years 2016-2018

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

The issue for me is we may be in for a bumpy August if there is anything juicy in the 183 Cohen Tapes Rudy Giuliani alleges exist. I am of the opinion that it’s a big nothingburger unless Trump forced someone, anyone to have an abortion at some point in the last two years. It doesn’t have to be Shera Bechard, it just has to be someone.

The point of all of this is the president is a raw dogging hound dog. It’s obvious the base has long ago factored in his rakish behavior and the only thing that might leave a political welt is if you could PROVE he not only paid a woman to have an abortion, but that she felt PRESSURED to do so. If you could prove that, you got yourself an earth shattering story. One for the ages.

But our only option at this point for that, Shera Bechard, simply isn’t viable anymore. Elliot Broidy got her pregnant, end of story. So the more stories of women Trump’s had affairs with over the years come out, the more the base look up to him as some sort of stud.

Then there’s this:

Continue reading “Rudy: There Are 183 Cohen Tapes Dealing With Years 2016-2018”

Pondering What’s In Those ‘Hundreds’ Of Cohen Tapes

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

It pretty obvious at this point, at least to me, that while we may be in for something of a bumpy few weeks, it’s likely that nothing too astonishing is going to come out from any attention Cohen Tapes. I say this because, well, Team Trump would have fought a whole heap of a lot harder to prevent prosecutors from getting them if there was anything all that damaging in them.

One thing I disagree with my “partner in crime” about is what happens if there’s a tape of Michael Cohen conspiring with Keith Davidson against Shera Bechard. He says it’s a big meh because, well, Elliot Broidy was the father and so fuck it. But I disagree for us, personally. I believe *anything* found in those tapes will be rolling thunder in the public consciousness for about 24 hours, no matter what’s in them.

Hence, even though he and I have settled that Trump isn’t the daddy — even though logically he should be — he and I are bound to get a least a little bit of attention for no other reason than I (by in extension HIM) have been involved in at least trying to figure out what the fuck happened. I say this knowing full well that it will be New York Magazine’s Paul Campos who will get the bulk of the attention, no matter who the Shera Bechard babydaddy is.

But, whatever. I have very low expectations. No tape may exist and even if it does, we may never hear it. So if nothing else it’s existence or lack thereof has given me something to write about.

1 Cohen Tape Of Him Talking With Keith Davidson About Shera Bechard & Whoa Buddy

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I have no inside information about anything, but I would like to note in passing that there are allegedly “hundreds” of Michael Cohen tapes. This is the point when I say I have a vested interest in what’s in those tapes because, well, even if there’s absolute proof that Elliot Broidy is Shera Bechard’s babydaddy and not Donald Trump, there will probably be about 24 hours when that whole thing is going to be of huge national interest.

Throw in the possibility the two men might be talking about putting the squeeze on her to pressure her into having an abortion in exchange for $1.6 million and things get really wild, really quick. I say this as a I stress that Donald Trump isn’t the father. I absolutely, 100% believe Elliot Broidy is the father of Shera’s bechard fetus.

I’m just saying that there is a real possibility that people will be interested in what I’ve written about all of this at least to the extent that my website crashes for about 24 hours. I will note that Paul Campos will probably get the vast majority of the attention and I’ll just get a little bit on the side.

But to venture off into crazy town again, if there’s a tape proving that *Trump* is the father then I black out in disbelief. I just don’t see that happening. It’s just not going to happen. Absolutely. It’s never going to happen because Trump isn’t the father.

Anyway, it will be interesting to see when, if ever, we hear the rest of those tapes and what happens to be on them. It could be a long time before we hear the tapes, or not. You just never know.

The Magical Mystery Michael Avenatti ‘Cohen Tape’ Tweet In The Context Of Shera Bechard

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Ok, if I didn’t absolutely, 100% know Trump had nothing to do with Shera Bechard, I would kind of flip out seeing the below tweet:

But I feel as thought I absolutely know what happened with Bechard and so this is all a bunch of silliness. The idea that Trump might be mortally wounded politically because of the the FOTUS (Campos) Theory is so addictive, so delicious that it’s easy for one to get a sugar rush from it all.

We know the facts. Bechard got pregnant by Elliot Broidy and that’s it. But it will be interesting to see who, if anyone, Avenatti is talking about. Nothing fun-interesting ever happens, so I should just go back to my novel(s) and continue to struggle with how to flesh the concepts out.

Meh. Just meh.

Lulz, nothing matters.

Is Something Up With Don Jr.?

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Editor’s Note:
NEVER MIND.

Now, let me begin by saying that this is so whacked out, so out there, so quick to be proven to be just me being paranoid that the shelf-life on this post may be counted in minutes rather than hours or days.

But something weird is going on.

My partner in crime on the Shera Bechard front….is quiet. And he posted a big old picture of Don Jr. on his Twitter feed. And he’s made it very clear in the past that he would be quick to vanish if he felt he needed to. But by writing this post, it should bait him into yelling me for writing something so stupid.

Weird, bruh. Weird.

Probably means nothing.

Right? Right?

Like A Bad Penny, Keith Davidson Pops Up Again, This Time In The Cohen Tapes

By Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Let me be clear — just because there may be tapes of Keith Davidson talking to Michael Cohen doesn’t mean Shera Bechard will get roped into any controversy associated with the Cohen Tapes that allegedly exist. From what I gather, the tapes might have Cohen and Davidson talking about the Stormy Daniels situation, not anything to do with Bechard.

Or, put another way, there’s nearly zero possibility that there will, at last, be some big revel that indicates it was Trump, not Broidy who got Shera Bechard pregnant. It’s just not going to happen. We may hear Cohen and Davidson talking about something that could be interpreted as a violation of campaign finance law, but there won’t be any bombshell where they talk about the “truth” of what happened.

We know the actual truth, Elliot Broidy got Shera Bechard pregnant, end of story.

I will go so far as to say, even if there’s a tape of Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson going into explicit detail of how they’re going to pressure Bechard to have an abortion in exchange for $1.6 million, if Broidy’s the father, it will barely make a blip in today’s modern media landscape.

If it’s Trump, Trump’s got an enormous problem on his hands, but it’s not Trump so we’re just going to have to accept we’re ruled by a vile, mad tyrant for the foreseeable future.