Minority Report: Why I’m Wrong About A Coming Civil War or Autocracy In America

by Shelt Garner

I really was very hysterical — and wrong — about Trump. But there was something I could not have predicted about him, and that is how fucking lazy and stupid he is. I made a huge assumption, and that was the same assumption that the people who voted for him made: that he was the “You’re fired” guy and, as such, would bring autocracy to the United States.

Turns out, I was wrong.

He wasn’t the “You’re fired” guy — he was just a lazy, bonkers moron who was an avatar for the rot in the American political system.

These days, I’m ranting about how no later than January 2025, we’re going to either have a civil war or turn into an autocracy. This has led my far more conservative relatives to poo-poo this because, well, lulz, I was wrong once about a dystopian nightmare, I’m obviously going to be wrong again.

And I could very well be.

But there is one thing I will be shocked to see happen — the United States continue to be a Western democracy in the way we have been for 240 odd years. If that happens under Republican control, I will be totally, completely shocked. And that’s the rub — my conservative relatives won’t see the autocracy for what it is. They will just be happy that, at last, the liberals are owned for good and “cancel culture” has been outlawed.

It will be a struggle, pitched rhetorical battle, to get my conservative relatives to admit that the media has been purged and the only way a Democrat can become president is if their party controls Congress. My conservative relatives will lulz all of this — they agree with the autocracy, afterall — until it’s personal. THEN they’re going to freak out.

But, then, of course, it will be way, way, way too late. I’ll be proven right, but it won’t matter. I’ll be dead at the hand of an ICE agent because I fucking wouldn’t fucking shut up about President DeSantis (or Pompeo) being a sack of shit.

Or, who knows, may be my conservative relatives will continue their debate nullification technique of saying “no it won’t” whenever they don’t have a ready answer to my very well thought out talking point.

As for the civil war, I still think that’s going to be a matter of how deft the MAGA person in charge of our transition into autocracy is. If it’s Trump, we’re going to have a civil war. He’s just too stupid.

Anyway. Good luck.

Author: Shelton Bumgarner

I am the Editor & Publisher of The Trumplandia Report

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