by Shelt Garner
So, here we are again. Just about to reach the nadir of the year when all the Blue Checks go to Martha’s Vineyard and prepare for Burning Man where they do butt stuff with an anonymous Plebe while on shrooms.
Inevitably, of course, fate strikes and Something Big happens, usually at some point in August. My favorite blog post of all time is about this very thing. Anyway, what might be the thing or things that force all the Blue Checks back to the office to write up a think piece about What It All Means?
Well, the most obvious Bad Thing that might happen this August would be one of any number of Really Old But Powerful People might croak. It’s a testament to how close we are to the so-called “Fourth Turning” that there are many, many old people in powerful positions across the globe. I mean, I can name three people off the top of my head — Queen Elizabeth II, Joe Biden and ugh, Donald Trump — who’s passing would shake the world to its foundations to varying degree.
Other possible clusterfucks for August to feature might be some sort of COVID or MonkeyPox mutation that suddenly made a shitty situation an Oh My God Situation. Another clusterfuck that might happen could be some sort of major terrorist attack — apparently, Iran has already said it wants to get some revenge against the West by taking out a few notable people.
Then, of course, there is the perennial favorite of the DPRK. It could test a H-bomb or shoot off an ICBM missile again that scares the shit out of Americans. Or, they could just go tits up altogether and the the US would have to deal with two major regional wars — Ukraine and Korea.
Anyway, maybe this time we’ll get through August without Something Bad happening? Hopefully? Maybe all the bad juju of August will swirl the drain until November when Republican fascists gain power of the House again and start impeaching everyone they can possibly think of.