Category: Tsar-A-Largo

Sorry Maggie Haberman, It’s Starting To Look Like Trump MIGHT Not Be The Political Genus You Cooed About


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let me begin by saying I never fucking let anything go. Maggie Haberman was weirdly mean to me on Twitter out of the blue and it still smarts. So, she’s become something of a running gag in my content. Anyway, for those of you playing the home game, for about four years, people like The New York Times‘ Maggie Haberman have told us in hushed tones what a fucking political mastermind Trump is.

How things have changed.

Welp, as of right this second, I ain’t seeing it, Ms. Haberman.

I mean, if Internet crank me can think of six different ways RIGHT NOW whereby Trump could stay in office as long as he likes and that ding-dong can’t even figure out one, well, it looks like he was just a very lazy right guy at the right historical place.

Trump is a lot like Hitler in the sense that he simply didn’t really do anything other than use the existing rot in his country’s political system to get what he wanted. Hitler was notoriously lazy. And, if you just look around, you can tell that Trump is pretty lazy, too.

So, about selling your soul to House Trump for access — you got what you wanted, Ms. Haberman, but you will forever be the journalistic equivalent of Leni Riefenstahl…in a sense. What I mean by this is when History judges Trump, she is likely to judge YOU too.

And I’ll freely admit that Ms. Haberman is a far, far better journalist than me. But you’re supposed to have a least a thin veneer of conflict between yourself and the people you report on.

Regardless, I’m just an anonymous Internet crank. No one listens to me, and they probably shouldn’t.

A Few Ways Exist To Look At The Trump Era


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

1. Precursor To Civil War
This is the theory that the late 2010s will be seen as the same way as the late 1850s and we’re not about to have a cold civil war but a REAL civil war. It just hasn’t happened yet. And if it doesn’t happen it won’t happen for the specific reason that Trump, while a would be autocrat, simply doesn’t have the skillset necessary to force the issue and bring down the First Republic.

2. It WAS The Civil War (Cold)
Under this theory, the Trump Era WAS the civil war, it just was just a cold one. Once the Biden Era starts officially, we’ll snap back to about the 2000 era (with a huge amount of lingering resentment) and that’s it. We’re going to have a Roaring Twenties Redux and probably the rise of Neo-Luddites later in the decade as Elon Musk burns the trucking industry — with 3 million high paying blue collar jobs — to the ground.

3. Value Free
In this view, the Trump Era was completely value free. It doesn’t mean anything. In fact, the only thing that matters — to conservatives — are those sweet, sweet tax cuts and young hack MAGA judges. Nothing has changed from 2016 and Trump could very well come back in 2024 tan, ready and rested to do it all over again like zombie U.S. Grant and the Stalwarts.

4. A Fluke
With this one, Trump was simply the right guy at the right time and, in a sense, is a failed Hitler. He COULD have become an American Hitler but he was such a fucking empty suit that he couldn’t pull it off. (I really don’t ascribe to this one — yet.)

5. Fuck You, Lib
Lulz, nothing matters.

The Value Free Trump Era


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It took 17 years for one of my more conservative relatives to admit that there were no WMD in Iraq. As such, I suspect there a good chance that should we escape the Trump Era with our lives, that the whole thing will be value free to 50% of the electorate.

They got their young hack judges, huge tax cut for plutocrats, and the libs were properly owned, but why are we even talking about it? We have to go back to ranting about Hunter Biden’s laptop or Kamala Harris wearing a tan suit.

So, what I’m saying is, spare me you trying to score points on Twitter against MAGA people because of their surreal hypocritical change in arguments and gears the moment Trump leaves office. They have no shame. Literally nothing matters to them but flipping the House so they can impeach Biden after the Durham Report comes out at some point in late 2022.

Or, to put another way — the very things that allowed Trump to escape justice and accountability will continue to do the same thing once he’s out of office. We should just be thankful that instead of a cold civil war a REAL civil war doesn’t break out.

It still could

American Caligula’s Rudy


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Just as Rome’s Caligula famously named a horse Counsel, it’s possible that within two weeks our American Caligula is going to do something equally nuts: fire Bill Barr and name Rudy in his place.

Or, someone as bonkers as that.

You see, the clock is ticking. Electors, as I understand it, vote on Dec. 15th. After they vote, then things grow far, far more difficult for Trump — even though they’re pretty difficult right now on a political level.

But it’s easy to imagine a situation where in desperation Trump names Rudy (or someone) to Justice in an effort to frogwalk Biden before the Electors vote. Or, if nothing else, just to appease the seditionists like Mike Flynn and Lou Dobbs.

The reasoning behind this would be to put Trump in a position where he could not only maybe peel off enough “legal votes” in the Electoral College to win, he could also, if that fails, have a quid quo pro with Federal and State prosecutors: I drop the charges on Biden if you don’t prosecute me.

This is an extremely high risk strategy that Trump is too stupid to pull off. But, stranger things have happened. So, we’ll see. We still have two very tense, very strange weeks ahead of us.

Could Trump Replace AG Barr With Rudy?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

First, when it comes to Trump at this point, nothing is off the table. So, yes, I could totally see Trump firing not only Wray at FBI and whatserface at CIA, but Barr at Justice.

And, really, there would be nothing we could do about it in real terms.

So, in these crucial two weeks before the Electors actually vote, interim AG could inflict a huge amount of damage on our form of government. The question is, is there really anything stopping Trump from doing such a thing other than it hasn’t occurred to him to do it yet?

Because of the gray area we’re currently in politically, Trump’s already near-king-like immunity to any political consequences is even more so now. So, really, just like Caligula named a horse Counsel, Trump could very well name Rudy interim AG any moment now.

Durham Becomes A ‘Starr’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So, that’s how it’s going to happen. When the House flips in January 2023, within six months Special Prosecutor Durham will release a report on the origins of the TrumpRussia investigation that gives House Republicans the cover they need to impeach Biden.

Then, ex post facto, MAGA Republicans will crow about how every modern presidents impeached, it’s no big deal that Trump was impeached and so Trump is cool to win in 2024.

You heard it here first, folks.

Trump & Potential Presidential Sedition


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Trump always wants to be number one in everything, and he’s one deranged — and transactional — tweet away from being the absolute worst president in American history. I say this because at least with James Buchanan, his screw up was a passive one. He simply felt he did not have the power to do anything to stop the birth of the CSA.

Meanwhile, Trump could very well incite his followers to actively work against the very government he leads. How’s that for both bad and surreal. And he could very well use any violence that he himself incites to invoke the Insurrection Act and simply refuse to leave office. Or, we do have about two weeks before the Electoral College votes, so it’s possible he might incite violence between now and then use his own violence as an excuse to stop the their vote, or whatever.

What’s I’m saying is — we’ve now entered one of the most unstable periods in American history since 1860. And, as always, our fate rests in the hands of Donald Trump. If he snaps he could a minimum bring down the First Republic and a maximum end civilization as we know it.

Good times!

The Quiet Bill Barr


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of the strangest political events of the last few years has been the complete abdication of Interior Minister Bill Barr to be Trump’s legal goon. While I’m quite pleased, I can tell from my Webstats that a shit-ton of MAGA-Qanon shithead cocksuckers are very unhappy that Barr hasn’t lived up to his autocratic PR.

Now, the origin of my fears about Barr — and MAGA cocksuckers dreams — comes from how he handled the Mueller Report. What could have been the thing that ended Trump’s reign of political terror a few years earlier pretty much just vanished — or was strangled — by Barr’s loving touch. So, everyone pretty much assumed Barr would step in and make all Trump’s election problems go away because, lulz, autocrats never lose.

But, to date, Barr has done nothing beyond rush to use the Federal death penalty on as many people as possible.

So, what gives?

One theory is Barr was really good friends with Mueller and so he did one thing goonish because, “for the good of the country” he did not want the real risk of Trump being removed from office — or being severely politically harmed — to occur. But Barr has done a number of down low goonish things since just before the election and, as such, it’s all very puzzling for everyone — MAGA-Qanon shithead cocksucker or not.

Therefore, it’s something of a mystery. If Barr were to strike this late in the game, there would definitely be a civil war or revolution because on a political level, the nation has moved on to the Biden Era. But MAGA state legislatures could still nullify the results and or Trump could attempt to go after the actual humans that make up the Electoral College at some point in the near, near future.

We currently have about two weeks for Trump to ratfuck any number of things.

We’ll see, I guess.

The Conditions Exist For Something Extraordinary To Happen In The United States Soon


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I find myself thinking about the French Revolution a lot these days. It seems as though while Neo-Confederate MAGA-Qanon cocksuckers are so busy thinking about masturbating to a Second American Civil War, they’re totally oblivious to the possibility of a Second American Revolution.

Or, to put it another way, Trump sliced the seal on Pandora’s Box and it seems as though the question is how bad things are going to get. Now, before I continue, the counter argument is that the Trump Era in itself was something of a Cold Civil War. And, while there’s no going back after that particular clusterfuck, in the end, a new equilibrium of sorts will be established and we’ll gradually drift into the New Normal of post-Trumpian politics.

But we WILL remain in the realm of politics.

In all honesty, that’s definitely what I want to have happen.

And, yet, it’s very easy to imagine a future historian describing the fall of the First American Republic, then revolution then civil war and then the founding of a Second Republic. This would not happen in a vacuum, of course. In all likelihood, there would be a World War 3 because of that particular chain of events.

But what, exactly, would happen and why? There are simply too many variables for me to begin to predict. And, yet, I could see Trump going transactional on Twitter which would incite the violence he needed to invoke the Insurrection Act and hunker down to stay in office the rest of his life. Then the military gets involved — maybe even implodes itself — and initially there’s Balkanization of the United States into different major polities (Texas, California, maybe Florida) and isolated incidents of Revolutionary governments being established in, say, places like New York City and the Deep South.

The whole post-World War 2 liberal order would be destroyed and something new created from the ashes. I mean, if big chunks of the globe are a post-apocalyptic hellscape because Sectreary of State Mike Pompeo thought he could “force” Jesus to return, then, well, things might be a bit different going forward.

As is usual with my worse case scenarios, it’s not like I can predict the future. And even if I did, it’s likely whatever happened would occur within a spectrum. The point is — either things snap back to a New Normal, or everything burns to the ground and it’s every man for himself.

The scary thing is, at this point, I honestly don’t know which one it’s going to be.

Secretary Of State Mike Pompeo Wants To ‘Force’ The Rapture By Instigating A War Between Iran & Israel.


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

If you work on the assumption that people like Mike Pompeo one think Trump is the anti-Christ and two think they can literally “force” Jesus to come back by starting a war between Iran and Israel, then, well, we’re pretty much fucked.

Like, The Day After, Threads and Testament fucked.

Or, put another way, it definitely seems as though with the recent Israeli assassination of Iranian nuclear scientist Mohsen Fakhrizadeh that the Trump Administration is trying to box Iran into a war so one blows up between now and January 20th.

Such a war would be huge, huge enough for either Trump to pull a fast one on us and stay in office through use of the Insurrection Act or just general fuck things up as much as possible before the Biden Administration comes into office.

If you were to describe how World War 3 actually happened, we would be in the scary montage at the beginning of the story right now. (Maybe.)