Tag: am querying

Am (Almost) Querying: When Failure Is An Option

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I lurch towards the querying process, which can be quite brutal from what I can tell, I have to let sink in the fact that I could very well, uh, fail. So, let’s go through the reasons why this might be.

My Crazy Drunk Behavior in Asia
I was kind of a wild animal in South Korea back in the day. And it’s not like I’ve hidden how bonkers I was. It’s just not in my nature to do such a thing. So any liberal woman women literary agent worth her wine is going to smoke out how bonkers and crazy I was back in the day. And that, unto itself, may be enough to steer them clear of me, no matter how much I’ve changed since then.

My Not Doing Anything For About 20 years
This is another tough issue for me to have to address during the querying process. I have not done _anything_ of note since late 2011. That’s….a long time. But, here I am, wanting to bootstrap myself out of this particular situation by writing a break out hit novel. Yet I suppose it’s possible that, by definition, could be the thing that prevents me from getting published. I could write the fucking Bible and because I’m a nobody, I just won’t be taken seriously as an aspiring novelist — and never will be.

My Being Bonkers
I’m kind of a kook. And the more due diligence is done on me by the typically liberal white women who are literary agents the more they’re going to think, “Uh, no.” There remains a lot of a taboo about having mental health issues, despite what everyone wants you to think when you’re bonkers, so…I dunno. Though I SUPPOSE it’s possible that could be used in some sort of marketing campaign for the novel, “bonkers author makes good,” that sort of thing.

The Nature of The Novel Offending Liberal White Women
I got nothing against liberal white women, it’s just I worry that the nature of my novel — that of a part-time sex worker who wants to own a community newspaper — may be a little too much for them to stomach in the context of being my literary agent. If I was a transgendered, undocumented woman, rather than a smelly CIS white male, it would be different, but I “don’t have a lot going for me demographically” as one woman recently mentioned when I wanted her to look at the first chapter of my novel.

Why Anyone Would Care About ROKon Magazine At This Point Is A Deep Mystery

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

ROKon Magazine started in late summer 2006 when I met the now-late Annie Shapiro. The whole saga / drama lasted until about 2008, if I recall correctly. If you want to read the whole messy booze-fueled drama from my POV, here it is:

Somehow.docxDownload

The story is pretty damn interesting, if I do say so myself. But it was all a long, long time ago — nearly 20 years now, and there’s really no reason for anyone, even me, to be interested in it anymore.

I mean, I daydream about someone like Phoebe Waller-Bridge wanting to write a screenplay based on the story, but, lulz, that’s just a daydream. And I do draw upon what happened back then a GREAT DEAL for the novel I’m writing. But I just find it very curious that anyone — ANYONE — would be interested in ROKon Magazine.

And now that I’m on the cusp of querying, I wonder if white liberal women literary agents doing due diligence on me are going to be really into all my bad behavior back then. All I can say is — I’m sorry. It was a long time ago and I’ve grown so much as person relative to what happened back then that it’s like I’ve had a brain transplant.

Otherwise, you’ll just have to accept me for who I am.

Am I Going To Make My July 22 Deadline For This Novel?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I can only write so fast. And, what’s more, I have to factor in the idea that I don’t want to “overheat” my creative self by writing too fast. So, I find myself just chilling out every once in a while, rather than speeding through the novel.

The heroine of my novel looks like Morena Baccarin.

But having said all that, I still think I’m probably going to make it. I think at some vague point between now and July 22 I’m going to finish the first novel. I have two other novels I’m working on — one is a sequel to the novel I’m working on and a pandemic scifi novel.

It’s going to be interesting to see how things work out. I have to focus on getting this first novel done. Everything is pretty well gamed out at this point, I just have to do the writing without burning myself out.

My heroine sports a sleeve tattoo much like the one Megan Fox now has, even though I thought of the idea first!

Of course, the fact that I no longer thing has put a different spin on things. On one hand, I am a lot more protective than I was during my drunk phase, but on the other….oh boy. It’s a lot more difficult to get anything done.

The Point Is To Tell A Good Story

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So, my first novel isn’t going to be a murder mystery thriller. It’s a novel essentially about a power struggle over a community newspaper that will serve as the cornerstone of what could be a open-ended seven novel project. But, given how fucking old I am and how even if I stick the landing I could be in querying hell for years — I’ll just be glad to finish A Novel.

The heroine of my novel looks like Morena Baccarin.

As such, I’m zooming through the third draft of my first novel.

Though, I will note one annoying thing about all of this — way too many people get all excited and promise to read a chapter here or there only to ghost me. I can never figure out if this means they hate what I gave them and don’t want to give me ANY opinion, they realized they just didn’t want to anything and ghosted me or there’s some third thing going on that I don’t know about.

Anyway, I’m very pleased with the state of this first novel and I’m really beginning to think about the second novel in the seven-novel project as well as a few scifi novels that will serve as a “back up” option in case something happens with the main creative track.

My heroine sports a sleeve tattoo similar to this one that Megan Fox has now. Even though I thought of the idea first!

I still refuse to even think about self-publishing. While I play pretend and give myself five years from the point when I start to query to get traditionally published before I self-publish….I know that’s just a dumb thing I tell myself instead of the truth: I’m never fucking self-publishing.

I May Not Be Able To Afford A Manuscript Consultant Before I Start To Query My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve had mixed results when it comes to paying manuscript consultants to help me improve the text of my novel. Too often, they get all snooty on me and won’t even help me at all. I’ve long assumed that between finishing the novel and querying it, I would pay a literary consultant to look over the final copy of the novel.

I spent all my money on booze. Wink

Well, I just don’t know if that’s going to be possible.

I live in poverty and I just don’t have the hundreds of dollars necessary to pay someone to look over the novel. And, really, I’m well aware of problems with the first novel. I think — think — I can self-correct those problems without having to pay someone.

I sure would be nice, though, to get someone to look over the novel. I have to accept that I’m a broke ass motherfucker and I just have to make do with what I got.

I’m Nervous The Liberal White Women That Make Up A Big Chunk Of Literary Agents Will Not Like What They Find When They Do Due Diligence On Me

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy. I can’t change who I am. I can’t change what I’ve done — or not done — with my life over the years. I’ve always been a kook. I’ve always been a late bloomer.

So, there’s every reason to believe that if literary agents — many of whom will be liberal white women — can get past my age and dissipated life, that they may not be thrilled at what a kook I’ve been my entire life.

I’ve already had a problem with some snooty literary types not being willing to work with me because…I don’t honestly know. They’re snobs? They’re arrogant? But the key issue is I have to stop being so delusional. The moment I start to query my first two novels (if I can finish them both by July 22 like I hope) I have to leave delusion behind.

I have to start to deal with the cold hard facts of life.

I’m a middle aged man who can tell a good story. But that, alas, is all I got. I’m broke. I’m a smelly CIS white male. As one person told me recently, “the demographics aren’t on your side.” Ugh.

But I refuse to give up. I am going to keep going forward. I’ve decided to give myself five years from the moment I start querying before I will “give up” and self-publish.

By that point, if I’m not a published author — or close to being one — I will be about 56 and I might as well just self-publish to get it out of my system. And, yet, I’m not so sure I’ll actually do that. I have a huge fucking chip on my shoulder and I want the validation of getting past the gatekeepers so I can rub it in the face of people who have told me my writing sucks my entire life.

Fuck those people. I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and I *can* get published traditionally.

The State of The Novel(s) I’m Working On

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While it’s still at least possible that I will finish not one but two novels by my hard deadline of July 22, it’s beginning to sink in that maybe I should cool it talking about that possibility so much. It’s possible, just not probable.

I have a huge amount of work to do on the first novel and the only way I might finish both novel is if I do a lot of work on the second book while I work on the first. I may not finish two novels by my hard deadline, but I can DEFINITELY finish two novels by the end of the year.

And I hope to start to work on a third novel, a scifi Western, this year as well.

I continue to stew in my juices about how, exactly, I’m going to “comp” these novels. I really don’t read a lot these days and I can’t just comp the two mystery thrillers I’m working on to Stieg Larsson’s stuff. I have to find other novels to compare them to as well.

And, what’s more, I continue to be very worried about what is going to happen when the white liberal women who make up literary agents do “due diligence” on me, a freaky weirdo. At least I’m not a drunk crank anymore, but, rather a sober one.

I can’t help who I am.

One of my biggest concerns is that me being a drunk loser for so long will, by definition, prohibit me from ever — EVER — being a published author. But you have to have hope, no matter what. While there’s life, there’s hope.

A Risky Decision

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have a number of reasons for splitting the novel I’ve been working on into two stories. The now two different stories can be written faster. The two of them now are a lot more coherent. And, what’s more, each story will be about ~100,000 words if things work out the way I hope.

I hope my heroine is as interesting and compelling as Lisbeth Salander.

But there are risks.

One is, who wants to read a novel that is, for the most part, a story about a woman struggling to own a newspaper? So, in a sense, my first novel would be if The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo was about a power struggle over the Millennium magazine, rather than solving a decade’s old murder.

But I do think that because the story will be really interesting, character driven — and does have a murder in the third act — that it could be interesting enough to be successfully queried. And, what’s more, because of how I’m splitting the novel, I have the original murder mystery story that I can write out pretty quickly.

(L to R, foreground) DANIEL CRAIG as a stranger with no memory of his past and director/executive producer JON FAVREAU on the set of an event film for summer 2011 that crosses the classic Western with the alien-invasion movie in a blazingly original way: “Cowboys & Aliens.”

So, rather than one novel done this year, I could have two.

And, given that I want to write a third novel, a scifi western, I could soon have three novels to pitch in some capacity within the next year.

That, at least, is the plan.

Am Querying (Eventually): Not Dead Yet

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Sometimes, I feel like I should just lie in my bed, twiddle my thumbs and wait to die. I’m old and I’ve wasted way too much of my life grieving over a dumb zine in Seoul. But every time I get into this mood, I immediately think, “Well, once more unto the breach.”

I hope that the heroine I’ve come up with is as interesting as Lisbeth Salander.

It’s just not my nature to give up, even though that’s exactly what I should probably do — give the fuck up.

So, I’m going to keep going with this novel as well as a back up novel. All I can say in my defense is I’m an eccentric and, as such, I willing to throw myself into something which objectively will never happen successfully — querying my first novel.

But I just refuse to self-publish, no matter what. I would rather fail on a spectacular level than self-publish because to me self-publishing is a huge co-out. I need and crave the validation of a third party — in this case a literary agent — so I can turn to people who have told me I suck as a writer all these years.

I can turn to them and tell them to fuck off.

I can prove them wrong.

So, I keep moving forward.

I May Have To Split This Story In Two & Connect It With A Cliffhanger

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve decided to just write the story without worrying about word count. Once I actually finish the novel, I will assess things. I will either split the story in two and have it connected by a cliffhanger, or I will try to pitch a backup novel that is the “proper” length.

I hope my heroine is as compelling as Lisbeth Salander.

I just don’t know yet. It could go either way.

But I am really interested in a scifi-Western. I think that is going to be my backup story. It shouldn’t be too difficult to bone up on how to write a Western then use the scifi universe I’ve thought up in the same story. The Western element would allow me to have a number of ready-made plots that I could fuse with scifi elements.

(L to R, foreground) DANIEL CRAIG as a stranger with no memory of his past and director/executive producer JON FAVREAU on the set of an event film for summer 2011 that crosses the classic Western with the alien-invasion movie in a blazingly original way: “Cowboys & Aliens”.

I do know I have to hurry up, though. I can’t keep screwing around. I now have just about six months to wrap up this third draft of my first novel, regardless of how long it turns out to be.