Tag: Burn Hollywood Burn

This Pop Novel That Is Meant To Be An Old Brown Shoe For Stieg Larsson Fans Is Getting Really, Really Good

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m a storytelling snob. So much so, that it’s now nearly impossible for me to consume anyone else’s story. But, at last, I believe I may — may — have at last stumble upon a beginning to my novel that actually pleases even me.

Now, remember, I’m not nearly as dark as my hero Stieg Larsson. And it can be a real struggle for me to play it straight — I like to plop in some humor every now and again. I just can’t help myself.

Anyway. It is at least possible that things will zoom along at a pretty fast clip now. I’ve had to grit my teeth and break or bend some of the dumb arbitrary rules I’ve been using to write this novel simply so I can actually finish something, anything.

I am embarrassed by how long it’s taken me to get to this point. I now hope to finish the third draft in the February – March timeframe. Then I will have to figure out how to pay a manuscript consultant to help me take the thing to the next level.

The case could be made that my heroine looks kind of like Pom Klementieff.

What’s more all of this will be happening in the context of the United States careening towards autocracy or civil war / revolution starting in late 2024, early 2025 — just as I plan on querying the novel!

But I have hope. I hope that if I can sell this first novel, I will somehow be given the opportunity to not only write the other five planned novels, but also a few scifi novels I want to write. And maybe, if I’m EXTREMELY LUCKY, a few screenplays too.

But I’m old and they shoot writers, don’t they?

It’s Clear Now Why It’s Taken So Long To Get To This Point With The Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Today is has been a good day for the novel. The beginning is a lot stronger than it has been since I started this third draft. It is becoming more and more clear that this novel is very, very ambitious relative to my actual storytelling ability. There was just too much going on at first.

But now I’ve fixed that problem by staggering major developments in the story to the point that things slowly come to a boil at the end of the first act. I’m very pleased. I’ve also realized that I can’t just keep using my ad hoc, arbitrary rules derived from attempting to reverse engineer Stieg Larsson. I have to be willing to do what serves the purposes of telling a good story.

So, things are going pretty well. The story still has some pretty risky elements to it, given that I’m a smelly CIS white male who some people within the “woke cancel culture mob” believe doesn’t have the right to tell any story, much less a story about a “sex worker who solves a mystery.”

But, you know, lulz, slings and arrows and all that.

I hope to methodically write a few thousand words during the course of the day. I can’t keep spinning my wheels forever. Once I establish the first few chapters, things should move really, really, fast.

Is It Possible That A Few Hollywood Types Are Aware Of This Blog?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While the idea that I might be getting a few views from people somewhere deep in the bowels of the Hollywood industrial complex is flattering, it’s also a bit unnerving. It’s unnerving because I don’t know why they would keep tabs on this novel that I’m still a year from querying.

My fear, of course, is they maybe aren’t going to “steal” the idea so much as steal a march on me by using all my ranting about this novel to write a screenplay with the same basic elements. And, yet, I’m so generally vague about the specifics of the novel that I have only so much to worry about.

This novel is shaping up to be really good — if risky and controversial. But its the “Barry”-like element of the story that both appeals to me and makes me very, very nervous. So nervous that I yet again feel like maybe I need a “second creative track” as a back up in case when I try to query this novel people find the premise so out there that they won’t even give me a chance.

And given the success of Barry, it seems inevitable that someone, somewhere will think up a similar story, even if the everything is different but the crux of the weird part of the story. Don’t quite know what I’m going to do if that happens. Depends on how close their plot is to mine.

I Have To Accept That This Novel Is Risky & Could Be Controversial If I Actually Manage To Sell It

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Lulz. No one cares. But I really like what I’ve managed to come up with when it comes to the third draft of this novel — but for one thing. And that one thing is it’s kind of risky and potentially controversal.

I can write a great pop novel all I want to, but there will still be members of the woke cancel culture mob (wink) who will be enraged that a smelly CIS white male has a heroine who is both a sex worker and the owner of an alternative weekly.

And, yet, Barry was a success, so why can’t this be a success.

But I know how the world really works. I have to accept that the whole concept is so loaded that there will be some members of the woke cancel culture mob who get REALLY UPSET that I’ve done such a thing. Maybe if I was a transgender undocumented woman they would give me a pass, but, lulz, that ain’t me.

But. Shrug. I’ve always been different. I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here, as the song goes. I know my vision for the novel and that’s what I’m doing, come what may.

All I can do is just write the best possible novel and tell the best possible story I can think of.

Superhero Fatigue: Will AI Generated Movies Make It Moot?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Westerns dominated Hollywood fare for a very long time after WW2. Then there was a brief moment in time, right before the age of the summer blockbuster, when “good” movies were popular. The question is, are we leaving superhero movies behind?

And if we are, is it all just a lulz until AI generated movies wash over the audience and nothing matters anymore?

There is a chance that rather than some new, exciting genre taking over Hollywood that the very notion of “mass media” will become rather quaint. We’ll all have a hyper personalized AI — like in the movie “Her” — that will scan our face and give us a movie that it so personalized that there will no longer be any “shared reality” at all anymore.

Hollywood exist of two types of people: plutocrat suits and programmers.

And programmers may be eliminated if we reach AGI sooner rather than later. Or, put another way, Hollywood is ripe for a severe disruption very, very soon. All the technological pieces are falling into place. It’s just a matter of time before AI is a commodity to the point that the entire knowledge / creative economy implodes into a Singularity based around it.

Good times!

I *May* Have A Stable Beginning To Third Draft (Maybe)

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

After way, way, way, way longer than I imagined, I may — may — have stabilized the beginning of the third draft of my first novel. It’s been tough going. Really tough.

There have been a number of structural problems that have caused everything to collapse repeatedly, to the point that I’ve felt like I was spinning my wheels and not really getting anything done.

But I’ve managed to come up with a sequence of events that pleases me. The true test will be if I can read through what I have done so far and me not realize it’s so bad that I can’t use it. I’m hopeful. I think there’s a decent chance that may, just maybe, things will move at quite a nice clip.

As always, of course, I continue to worry that Something Will Happen that will throw everything out of whack. I’ve been living in a very idyllic situation for way too long and it just can’t last.

And that doesn’t even begin to address the longer term issue of the fucking Fourth Turning that may break out just as I’m beginning to query this novel seriously in about a year. Ugh. I want to become a traditionally published novelist, not spend all my time dodging ICE agents or bombs.

Something Curious Is Going On In My Webstats

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m fascinated by this Website’s Webstats to an absurd, surreal degree. So any little twitch in hits that I get that is out of the ordinary causes me no end of reflection. Twice now someone has randomly pinged some link from the very beginning of this Website.

This makes me think two things.

One, a lot goes on with this Website that my software doesn’t pick up for some reason and two, I am uneasy that I may have caught the attention of people who actually like, uhhhh, matter and and shit.

There are two types of people I imagine would care about me on the high end — political people and creative Hollywood types. I rant about much I fucking hate MAGA on this blog when I’m not mentally masturbating about the novel I’ve been working on for years and years and years.

At the moment, I think it’s my political ranting that are piquing people’s interests. I think. I think as it grows more and more clear that my “hysterical doom shit” may not be totally off base, people want to learn more about what I’ve blathered on about over the years.

That, at least, is one theory.

If it’s Hollywood types, then, lulz, I have no idea. I’m still a solid year away from querying the novel. Regardless, all are welcome, as long as you’re not a deranged stalker.

Well, If My Novel Gets Adapted Into A Hollywood Movie, I Suspect A Number of Actresses Will Vie For Roles In It

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Lulz. This is just mental masturbation. I am so far away from finishing this novel, much less having to worry about shit like this. But I’m drinking 90 proof moonshine at the moment so humor me.

From what I can tell of Hollywood actresses, they love, love, love the opportunity to use the guise of “acting” to do freaky shit. I think this is great for me as an audience member and it does hearten me as an aspiring novelist. I say this because in this third draft of the novel sex work — specifically stripping — plays a pretty significant role.

I am well aware that because of human nature and the needs of marketing that the only thing anyone will want to talk about is the stripper angle of the story. Ok, I get it. But for me, I just think it’s an interesting way to add dimension to some of my female characters.

And I could totally see a number of ambitious women in Hollywood really digging the situations I throw my characters in because of how important stripping is to the progression of the plot. But, as I said, people will be so hung up on the sex worker angle of the story that they may not even realize what the point of the story is in the first place.

But I can see the appeal of my female characters to Hollywood actresses. If I do my job right, I will craft a number of really interesting women who just happen to strip on occasion. At the moment, the stripper angle is nothing more than an excuse to flesh out characters in the first act.

The rest of the novel is a homage to Stieg Larsson’s work in a way that the average read should see it as an old brown shoe. If I am a good enough writer, that is.

Anyway. What do I know. I’m a smelly CIS white male.

It Seems Hollywood Suits Want The Right To Populate Future Movies With Zombie Actors

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The fact that the below is a hang up in the current SAG strike negotiations is an indication of how serious Hollywood Suits are taking the potential of zombie actors populating future movies.

It makes a lot of sense that the Hollywood Suits would really want this ability. It is clear to anyone clued in with a pulse that the very idea of what we consider “entertainment” is about to be revolutionized in near term.

It could be that by around 2030, everyone will be given a very personalized movie that was generated by AI after it did a scan of their face to see what mood they were in.

It seems clear that we’re on the cusp of a major upheaval in Hollywood. The only question now is a matter of timing. In the end, having living actors in a movie may be seen as “quaint” and “artisanal.”

I’m Worried My Lack Of Any Acting Experience Will Hinder My Ability to Write Screenplays

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Being old, I know what I don’t know. And among the things I just don’t know at this point is — how much will my lack of any acting experience hinder my ability to write a good screenplay? I think it’s one of those things where it’s hard to quantify.

While it definitely HELPS to have training as an actor, it’s not like it’s totally impossible to write a decent screenplay if you’re just a regular old doofus like me. And, truth be told, it’s not like I’m opposed to taking acting lessons at some point in the future if that will help me write a better screenplay.

Now, this is where I pause and reflect on how fucking old I am. Age, like race, is just not something you can change. I just can’t help the life I’ve led. And, as such, I’m far more likely to get somewhere with a novel than I am a screenplay. But, having said that, I will note that I’m a really good talker — I love to schmooze, especially when intoxicated and I’m 100% extroverted.

…But I’m 50. I’m 50, poor and short.

And, yet, time and again in my life, I’ve managed to shock the haters by pulling a rabbit out of a hat. It happened in my 20s and it happened when I was in Seoul. When I was in Seoul, I not only was one of the best rock DJs in town for a few months, I also had the lone English-language expat magazine.

This it all went to shit.

Angst for the memories, and all that.

But I’m not dead yet. Though, if I somehow manage to blow up with my DJ money in my 50s and 60s, it will be a very bittersweet experience. On one hand, I will at last have the success I feel I deserve, but on the other I will be so fucking old that I can’t, like, go clubbing all night with twentysomethings without coming across as a freaky weirdo — or worse yet, a dirty old man.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I hate being 50. I want to be young again.