‘Vortex’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop Song

I love the word “Vortex” as a pop song title, so I keep coming back to it. I’ve written the lyrics to several songs using this concept, but given how totally insane the Trump Administration has come to be, it seems as though it’s appropriate to revisit this concept AGAIN. I am going to attempt, just off the top of my head, write a song that gives a breezy — and fastly sung — description of the shitstorm that Trump has brought about.

Vortex
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

it started with a bang
forcing immigrants to pack their bags
fast as they can
people went to the airport
to show their support
and that was just the first few days!

Trump is a vortex
a vortex of political storms
what are going to do
what are we going to do

it’s been a vortex
a vortex of crazy
please don’t call me lazy
if the facts of this vortex are hazy

what has happened since it began
leaves us with hat in hand
Bannon came and went
Trump has left us spent!
take a break for a few hours
come back and the world is in flames
Trump is back at it again!

Trump is a vortex
a vortex of political storms
what are going to do
what are we going to do

it’s been a vortex
a vortex of crazy
please don’t call me lazy
if the facts of this vortex are hazy

[bridge]
we’re going to have to confront
that the president’s nuts
unhinged as he can be
where, exactly, are we going to flee?

the president calls Africa a shithole (shithouse?)
just a few days ago
we were going down the hole of his sanity
now we’re completely ignoring
his hush money to a porn star
what the hell is happening!

Trump is a vortex
a vortex of political storms
what are going to do
what are we going to do

it’s been a vortex
a vortex of crazy
please don’t call me lazy
if the facts of this vortex are hazy

‘Unrequited’ — #Lyrics To A Pop Ballad

My romantic life is usually just me pining away for someone I can’t have. So, these lyrics are about that. This is a homage to the song “Only Love Can Hurt Like This.” At least, that’s the song I’m listening to as I write these words. But, as I keep saying, really, if I had a co-writer and different beats this concept could be pretty cool.

Unrequited
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

she’s always got a boyfriend or a man or a beau
that’s for sure, I’m afraid
there’s nothing I can do, nothing I can say
that will change my fate
my love is always

unrequited
unrequited
unrequited

I pine away for someone I may never have
will never feel the hair on her head
or the warmth of her breath on my skin
she’s perfect for me
but it’s not to be
but it’s not to be

too many other fish are in the sea
that’s what my mother said to me
but they’re not as tasty
to my heart
my heart that cries softly in the dark
for a love that is

unrequited
unrequited
unrequited

[bridge]
maybe one day
that’s all I can say
maybe one day
things will change
then what?

but I have to wait
wait until some date
when she’s free for me
yet until then
my love will be

unrequited
unrequited
unrequited

‘Hyperbole’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop Song

This is a homage to Katy Perry’s Chained To The Rhyme. I really like the song and since I have no beats — and neither can afford them nor have the technology to use them even if I did — this uses the general beat scheme of that song. But this is a first draft, if someone helped me, we could make this a legitimate song. These lyrics are about Trump and I like the concept because it teaches the listener about a word: hyperbole.

Hyperbole
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce perform

you can’t just state the facts
have to put your own spin on them
have to exaggerate
have to to blow things out of proportion

why do you have to employ
hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole
hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole
why can’t you just tell the truth
why can’t you just tell the truth

we’re faced with the facts
yet again, yet again, yet again
the president lies and lies
he employs hyperbole to make his point
how can we let this stand
how can we let this stand

why do you have to employ
hyperbole, hyperbole, hyperbole
hyperbole, hyperbole, hyerbole
why can’t you just tell the truth
why can’t you just tell the truth

but that’s how he rolls
telling lies and using hyperbole
we want the truth
we want the truth
we want the truth

‘Waiting’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Pop Song

This would be a catchy pop song in the spirit of Katy Perry’s more popular recent stuff. But it would be more overtly “woke” than what she’s sung. Let me stress that this is just written really fast off the top of my head, but it is relaxing. This is about Hawaii residents having to wait 38 minutes before they found out that a ICBM wasn’t on its way to kill them. And I like to tell stories in verse, so you get this.

Waiting
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform
a missile is on its way

to end us all
so here we are
waiting, waiting, waiting

waiting for the end
wondering what comes next
should we be worried
should we fear life after death

38 minutes until we knew the truth
long enough to reflect on our lives
time enough to hope we’ve lived a good life
38 minutes of waiting, waiting, waiting

now what is what we said
looking around with fresh eyes
so this is how it all ends
with us waiting, waiting, waiting

38 minutes until we knew the truth
long enough to reflect on our lives
time enough to hope we’ve lived a good life
38 minutes of waiting, waiting, waiting

[bridge]
this is not how we expected it
we’re going to meet our maker
live a hell on heaven’s islands

38 minutes until we knew the truth\
long enough to reflect on our lives
time enough to hope we’ve lived a good life
38 minutes of waiting, waiting, waiting

waiting, waiting, waiting
waiting, waiting, waiting
waiting, waiting, waiting

‘Dicky Durbin’ — #Lyrics To A Woke Punk Rock Song

It continues to amaze me that it’s not bigger news that the President of the United States is not only demonstrably unhinged, but has the mentality of a middle-school bully. So, this song is about Trump’s latest nickname, Dicky Durbin and how it’s so bad, so childish that it is flabbergasting. Anyway, this is a punk song. At least the music to it would be punk.

Dicky Durbin
lyrics by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls
please give credit if you produce or perform

things don’t seem like they could get worse
make me want to hiss
when I see you on my screen
you come up with stupid names
for respectable people
at least from what I can glean
your latest is Dicky Durbin

Dicky Durbin
is that all you got, bruh
Dicky Durbin
is that all you got, bruh
you’re losing your touch
losing your touch

what is going to happen
I just don’t know
I just don’t know
what’s going to happen
boy, do I care

the president slings his shit
at senators and their ilk
what are we going to do
with this shithead
in the Oval Office?

Dicky Durbin
is that all you got, bruh
Dicky Durbin
is that all you got, bruh
you’re losing your touch
losing your touch

[bridge]
we’ve got to fight
the good fight
if Trump is going to sling the mud
we’ve got to sling the love

I believe we’re going to win
just got to vote when we get our chance
that chance will come soon enough
we’re going to win
we’re going to win
we’re going to win

Things That Annoy Me About Twitter & How I Would Fix Them With A New Service

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

Here are things that annoy me about Twitter

1. Lack Of Organization
Twitter is just a open sewer of tweets flooding through the Internet. If you established a site based on Usenet concepts, the whole thing would be significantly easier to use. You’d have Groups (created and lightly administered by Verified Account holders) on specific subjects that you could participate in in a constructive manner.

2. Lack Of True Realtime Communication
Tweets are not real time. I want Slack for the masses. I want the old AOL Chatrooms brought back in such a manner that you can have a lot of people talking about a subject in a constructive manner.

3. Poor Onboarding
There is a really sharp learning curve for Twitter, at least in my opinion. If I had any say on the matter, I would have a lot hand-holding when it came to getting people involved in the service from the beginning.

Having said all that, it’s annoying no one is listens to me. I wish I had money.

Use Case: The New York Times & A Social Media Platform Based On Usenet Concepts

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’m bored, so here’s another use case for my social media platform concept that is just my personal daydream. Imagine there’s some breaking news about the Trump Administration. The New York Times writes a story about it and if my concept were real, they could shoot the entire story into the platform.

Here’s where the cool stuff happens. The game changing stuff.

See, not only could they keep the formatting and advertising of the original article, but users would be able to inline edit the content (in other words quote the article directly and write within it) in such a way that people would be engaging with both the content and the advertising in manner that could be profitable for both The New York Times and the service that enabled the whole thing to begin with.

I would say, at least from a content producer’s standpoint, that’s the most compelling use case of this proposed service. It’s really cool. It’s a completely different way of using content. Too bad no one listens to me and this just me daydreaming in a public manner.

Idle Mulling ‘The Mule’ Portion of ‘Foundation’ As A Movie Allegory About Trump

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I’ve talked about this before and, as usual, no one paid me any attention. But I write this more for my own benefit than anyone else’s. There is a movie to be made about Trump in the most unlikely of places: the long forgotten Foundation saga of books by Isaac Asimov. The books heavily influenced Star Wars, so such an extent that adapting them might be nearly impossible. People would take one look at any such movie and scoff, saying it was a “rip off” of Star Wars when, in fact, the opposite is the truth.

And as far as I know, Foundation is in “development hell” somewhere in the bowels of HBO.

Having said all that, it is interesting that if you look at The Mule portion of the saga, you could probably produce a pretty epic movie. Like, under the right stewardship, you could not only produce a biting allegory of the Trump era, but use it as a jump start of a movie adaptation of the entire great Foundation Universe. It would be really, really cool. A huge amount of money is to be made if someone would just get their head out of their butt and do something with it.

I say all of this because of what happens with The Mule. In the series, The Mule is described as this annoying, comical character who everyone assumes is a fool until the very end when we discover he’s been slowly taking over the galaxy using his super special mental abilities. He’s call The Mule, because, duh, he can’t have children. But there are some pretty great scenes I can imagine in my head.

The whole thing would be amazingly great. You see, as I recall, you have four people zooming around the galaxy looking for information on The Mule, or somesuch. You have an older professor type, two young people and this weird annoying guy (who of course we learn is The Mule.) So, in my fevered imagination, you get a really great director with a very unique world view, an auteur, if you will, to create this universe. I suggest this only because if you get just a generic hack to make this movie, they’re probably just going to copy Star Wars and the whole thing will be moot.

But if you got a well known auteur, like Ridley Scott or even, say, Wes Anderson or Spike Jonze or Quentin Tarantino, to direct this movie something magical could happen. For the professor, who I just remember for saying “Great Galaxies!” a lot, I would get a well known older actor. Maybe Gary Oldman? For the two young people, I would suggest Finn Wolfhard and Millie Bobby Brown. Casting The Mule is tougher. You need someone who could be the comic relief for most of the film, only to turn on a dime to a dark, sinister character who would become iconic.

There are a few people I could think of. Jack Black, maybe? Someone like him. Even Dave Chappelle might do the trick. But with the right writer and director, the character of The Mule could be quite meaty. Character defining. Add to this what a devastating indictment of Trump this movie could be, it would be one of the best movies of the decade if you did it right.

It seems obvious that the key to making a successful Foundation movie is it has to be different than Star Wars. It needs to be more adult. It wouldn’t be about selling toys to little kids, it would be about making adults think about the world they live in. Anyway, all of this is just me mulling an interesting concept. It’s not like I have a script of even the rights to the Foundation series. I guess this has to do more with my frustration with this storytelling goldmine just sitting there in plain sight and no one doing anything with it.

What is amusing is there are plenty of people who grew up reading the Foundation books who would love to see a Foundation movie. You’d tap into an unexpected fan base, I guess is what I’m saying. But no one listens to me. But it is definitely fun to write about.

Shelton Bumgarner is a writer and photographer living in Richmond, Va.

I Am Frustrated With Twitter. We Need A ‘Twitter Killer’ #startup

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I should be going to bed, but I can’t help myself. I keep finding different angles for a Twitter Killer based on Usenet and IRC concepts. The two things put together would be a one-two punch that would fell Twitter and maybe take Reddit along with it.

I say this because Twitter is a complete piece of shit.

It’s barely useful. In fact, I would go so far as to say it’s useful despite itself. I want a service that organizes the huge amount of information that a public service like Twitter generates, but does so in a much more friendly manner than Reddit.

That’s the thing, Reddit is probably closer to what I’m looking for…and yet, I don’t like it. I don’t like it because I want something based directly on Usenet concepts, not watered down. I think young people would be delighted with an updated version of Usenet (at least the version I have come up with) and I also think you could make a lot — a lot — of money.

I say this because as I have thought the service up, you would interact with subjects you were interested in in a self-selecting manner that would allow the service to offer up extremely specific ads that you wouldn’t mind interacting with. At least, that seems the most logical use of the service relative to my vision for it.

I just like the idea that I could go to a specific Group created by a Verified Account holder about this or that topic and there would be a steady stream of people talking about a subject I was interested in. It would be live chat, not the weird delayed discussion that Twitter has. Then, should the owner of the Group post something, we could respond to it with inline editing and a full page.

Now, I debate if that particular aspect of the service is needed. Should anyone be able to start a thread? I just don’t know for sure. It makes more sense for that to be so, and yet. Maybe it should be up to individual Admins. Maybe that would be a feature they could decide upon. That makes the most sense.

I think that would be the answer to a lot of problems — when in doubt make it an option you could access from a pull down menu.

I don’t know anything. Everyone should ignore me. But I do have practical end-user experience with social media so this is just me daydreaming. I am, however, really frustrated with Twitter. Something needs to be done about that. Someone, somewhere, needs to come up with something to replace Twitter. Twitter is so very annoying.

How Fashion Blogging Might Handle This Social Media Service Based On Usenet

by Shelton Bumgarner
@bumgarls

I am interested in how different really passionate subgroups might use this service. I want to be a fashion photographer at some point in the near future, so, for no other reason than it’s fun, let’s talk about how fashion bloggers might use this service.

The key thing to remember is this service could potentially bring new life to blogging in general because it is based on the concept of the threaded used of entire blog pages. (In essence.)

So, it is easy to imagine popular fashion bloggers getting verified accounts and then blogging to their hearts content in the context of a threaded discussions. They could post pictures of fashion, write about fashion, talk about fashion in a chat room and, I’d like to think, eventually have recorded video conferencing about fashion.

For a group that was really passionate about something like fashion bloggers, this service would be adapted quite quickly. At least, I think so. In fact, I would suggest as part of the soft, slow roll out of the service in the beginning that you would court popular fashion bloggers on Twitter and Instagram. You’d pitch it to them by saying it’d just like the traditional fashion blogging of yore, but with all kinds of new social goodies that they would have to see to believe.

At least, I think that would work. A lot of it would have to do with how easy to UX / UI was. That’s really the key to the whole thing, I think.

Regardless, as I keep saying, this is moot. This concept is too late by 10 years, I have no money, can’t code and don’t want to learn. It is fun to write about though. And I can’t sleep.