Category: Tsar-A-Largo

Of Gods (And Aliens): Trump Could Never Keep ETs a Secret


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have a very, very, very long-running thought experiment in going in my mind that deals with a number of interesting concepts when it comes to aliens. One is, what if they — because of all the radio signals we’re sending out — knew everything about us and two, I wonder a lot about how we would deal with HUGE numbers of humans being given the opportunity to leave a dying Earth. If they act fast, of course.

In my imagination, this would be sort of a Chernobyl meets a Close Encounters type movie.

Anyway, I think I read once where your perception of God and your views on aliens were very similar. So, I guess I think of God as someone who is really chill who already knows everything about me so why worry.

Recently, there was something of a kerfuffle when some old dude suggested Israel and the US were talking to aliens. Now, there’s a lot going on there. Why Israel? If this was real, I suspect that person just KNEW about the aliens talking to Israel and the United States when, in fact, they were talking to a lot of powerful countries in the world.

But the big take away from this somewhat bonkers news story is how it can’t be real for a very specific reason: Trump could never keep such a secret. Never. What better way to have the most historic presidency in history than to be the guy aliens decided to have First Contact with?

He could never keep that to himself, damn the consquences.

So, it’s doubtful.

But the idea of First Contact is a really interesting one because you just never know how humanity would react to it. It’s endlessly facinating.

A Very American Coup: Schrodinger’s Ding Bat


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


We’re now in a very dangerous moment in our nation’s history because half the country is looking forward to the incoming Biden Administration, while about 50% of the population is thinking up new and creative ways to stage a coup.

Or, if all else fails, do some sort of surprise-attack that gives Trump the cover needed to invoke the Insurrection Act and pretty much become a dictator.

That doesn’t even begin to address the issue of a possible unexpected war with the DPRK — or more likely — Iran.

Be prepared for a “political 9/11” to happen very, very soon, if it’s going to happen in regards to Trump.

Any moment now.

If that such a coup happens, that’s it. American falls and we have a civil war, revolution or a full blown autocracy.

I have no what the outcome will be.

Red Alert: Autocrats Never Lose — SCOTUS & The Coup May Happen Just Yet


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

On a political level, we’ve moved on to the Biden Era. So, if Trump somehow gets his hearing at SCOTUS and WINS, then we’re going to have a civil war / revolution.

It will be the end of the United States.

Now, as I understand it, Pennsylvania has 20 Electoral vote. But we have to assume that he’s going to win because SCOTUS is 6-3 MAGA. So, Trump could lose 1 person and still win. There are a number of “political 9/11” events I could see happening ASAP.

Everything from the entire election being thrown to Trump immediately, to it being thrown to Congress where Trump wins. To Trump just winning Pennsylvania’s 20 votes and then winning the remining votes by doxing Electors or whatever. Or there’s major violence and Trump invokes the Insurrection Act.

Or there’s a suddenly war with the DPRK or Iran.

Nothing is off the table because autocrats never lose.

We’re entering the political phase of this crisis where Trump, even though he’s a lazy moron — could potentially browbeat people into allowing him to steal the election.

Then the country buckles and potentially all of humanity ends. Good times!

Trump Isn’t An Autocrat, He’s a Craven Ding-Dong


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I could still be proven wrong by events, but it’s starting to look like Trump going to lose, lose. And since autocrats never lose, I can only begin to believe that while Trump has plenty — and I mean PLENTY — of autocratic impulses and inclinations, in reality he’s just a craven ding-dong.

In other words, he just doesn’t have the backbone — or intelligence — to do even the bare minimum of skullduggery necessary to end our democracy which is on life support anyway. And, so in the end, Republicans get their young hack MAGA judges and their huge taxcut for plutocrats….and that’s it. Otherwise the Trump Era will be completely value free. In a sense, it, in itself, will be looked upon as the civil war we’ve all been afraid of.

But instead of a hot war, we had a cold civil culture war. Instead of bullets, we had tweets.

And, yet, we’re one explosion away from everything I just wrote being seen as quaint. And that, really, is the point. People like me assumed Trump would pull a false flag — or something — sized “total control” and that would be that. And, really, if we box Iran or the DPRK into a war, then that could still very well happen.

Or, say, a for real for real false flag happens when one of Trump’s SUPPORTERS blows something important to MAGA people up in an effort to give Trump the power to invoke the Insurrection Act.

Regardless, from now until about mid-2021 we are in a very, very tense and volatile situation.

What Is Trump Up To At The Pentagon?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Something weird is going on at the Pentagon. Trump keeps firing people and filling seemingly obscure posts with his toadies. The most innocent explanation is he’s doing it all out of spite. He’s trying to establish some sort of Trump Deep State that will cause headaches for the incoming Biden Administration and that’s it.

The more ominous explanation is he’s keeping his options open.

In other words, Trump is thinking there might be some way for him to stage a real, honest-to-God-coup and he wants as many of his toadies at the Pentagon to see that it’s successful.

But, still, something pretty big would have to happen for him to feel he could actually pull that off. He’d have to get a war with Iran or the DPRK — or an American Reichstag fire — for him to have to cover necessary to fuck with the Constitution at this point.

It has to be noted that Trump obviously has autocratic inclinations but, to date, he simply either hasn’t had the guts or the focus to do what is necessary to turn himself into an American Putin, even though everything is there for him to pull it off but for one thing — himself.

Trump — to date — simply is too big a ding-dong to ram through the autocratic acts necessary to establish House Trump. It’s all very weird and surreal given how obvious it is what Trump would have to do — and could do — to facilitate just that.

The Rise of The Trump Deep State — What A Surreal End To A Surreal Time


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It appears as though Trump is wildly vacillating between ranting about he didn’t lose to actively attempting to found his own Trump Deep State that will do everything in its power to screw over the incoming Biden Administration.

If Trump was who he thought he was, then I would be right that “autocrats never lose.” But in a surreal turn of events, the Trump Era may — may — go out not with the bang of a coup, but with the whimper of Trump appointing as many crazy MAGA people to positions in the government as he possibly can.

In fact, as I’ve often said, the Trump Deep State may be one of the biggest stories of the next four years because while Trump ranted about a Deep State that didn’t exist, by the time Biden becomes president, there REALLY WILL BE a Deep State — this time, however, it will be shithead cocksucker MAGA people.

We really can’t begin to predict how, exactly, all of this is going to play out. But I can tell you that because MAGA-Republicans have no fucking shame that any — and I mean ANY — attempt on the part of Biden to right this infection will cause them to demand a full investigation for this abuse of power.

Or, put another way — the moment the House flips in 2022, Republicans are going to plot how they can get revenge for the impeachment of Trump by doing the same damn thing to Biden.

Sorry Maggie Haberman, It’s Starting To Look Like Trump MIGHT Not Be The Political Genus You Cooed About


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let me begin by saying I never fucking let anything go. Maggie Haberman was weirdly mean to me on Twitter out of the blue and it still smarts. So, she’s become something of a running gag in my content. Anyway, for those of you playing the home game, for about four years, people like The New York Times‘ Maggie Haberman have told us in hushed tones what a fucking political mastermind Trump is.

How things have changed.

Welp, as of right this second, I ain’t seeing it, Ms. Haberman.

I mean, if Internet crank me can think of six different ways RIGHT NOW whereby Trump could stay in office as long as he likes and that ding-dong can’t even figure out one, well, it looks like he was just a very lazy right guy at the right historical place.

Trump is a lot like Hitler in the sense that he simply didn’t really do anything other than use the existing rot in his country’s political system to get what he wanted. Hitler was notoriously lazy. And, if you just look around, you can tell that Trump is pretty lazy, too.

So, about selling your soul to House Trump for access — you got what you wanted, Ms. Haberman, but you will forever be the journalistic equivalent of Leni Riefenstahl…in a sense. What I mean by this is when History judges Trump, she is likely to judge YOU too.

And I’ll freely admit that Ms. Haberman is a far, far better journalist than me. But you’re supposed to have a least a thin veneer of conflict between yourself and the people you report on.

Regardless, I’m just an anonymous Internet crank. No one listens to me, and they probably shouldn’t.

A Few Ways Exist To Look At The Trump Era


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

1. Precursor To Civil War
This is the theory that the late 2010s will be seen as the same way as the late 1850s and we’re not about to have a cold civil war but a REAL civil war. It just hasn’t happened yet. And if it doesn’t happen it won’t happen for the specific reason that Trump, while a would be autocrat, simply doesn’t have the skillset necessary to force the issue and bring down the First Republic.

2. It WAS The Civil War (Cold)
Under this theory, the Trump Era WAS the civil war, it just was just a cold one. Once the Biden Era starts officially, we’ll snap back to about the 2000 era (with a huge amount of lingering resentment) and that’s it. We’re going to have a Roaring Twenties Redux and probably the rise of Neo-Luddites later in the decade as Elon Musk burns the trucking industry — with 3 million high paying blue collar jobs — to the ground.

3. Value Free
In this view, the Trump Era was completely value free. It doesn’t mean anything. In fact, the only thing that matters — to conservatives — are those sweet, sweet tax cuts and young hack MAGA judges. Nothing has changed from 2016 and Trump could very well come back in 2024 tan, ready and rested to do it all over again like zombie U.S. Grant and the Stalwarts.

4. A Fluke
With this one, Trump was simply the right guy at the right time and, in a sense, is a failed Hitler. He COULD have become an American Hitler but he was such a fucking empty suit that he couldn’t pull it off. (I really don’t ascribe to this one — yet.)

5. Fuck You, Lib
Lulz, nothing matters.

The Value Free Trump Era


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It took 17 years for one of my more conservative relatives to admit that there were no WMD in Iraq. As such, I suspect there a good chance that should we escape the Trump Era with our lives, that the whole thing will be value free to 50% of the electorate.

They got their young hack judges, huge tax cut for plutocrats, and the libs were properly owned, but why are we even talking about it? We have to go back to ranting about Hunter Biden’s laptop or Kamala Harris wearing a tan suit.

So, what I’m saying is, spare me you trying to score points on Twitter against MAGA people because of their surreal hypocritical change in arguments and gears the moment Trump leaves office. They have no shame. Literally nothing matters to them but flipping the House so they can impeach Biden after the Durham Report comes out at some point in late 2022.

Or, to put another way — the very things that allowed Trump to escape justice and accountability will continue to do the same thing once he’s out of office. We should just be thankful that instead of a cold civil war a REAL civil war doesn’t break out.

It still could

American Caligula’s Rudy


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Just as Rome’s Caligula famously named a horse Counsel, it’s possible that within two weeks our American Caligula is going to do something equally nuts: fire Bill Barr and name Rudy in his place.

Or, someone as bonkers as that.

You see, the clock is ticking. Electors, as I understand it, vote on Dec. 15th. After they vote, then things grow far, far more difficult for Trump — even though they’re pretty difficult right now on a political level.

But it’s easy to imagine a situation where in desperation Trump names Rudy (or someone) to Justice in an effort to frogwalk Biden before the Electors vote. Or, if nothing else, just to appease the seditionists like Mike Flynn and Lou Dobbs.

The reasoning behind this would be to put Trump in a position where he could not only maybe peel off enough “legal votes” in the Electoral College to win, he could also, if that fails, have a quid quo pro with Federal and State prosecutors: I drop the charges on Biden if you don’t prosecute me.

This is an extremely high risk strategy that Trump is too stupid to pull off. But, stranger things have happened. So, we’ll see. We still have two very tense, very strange weeks ahead of us.