There is a chance that things may for go into overdrive with the third draft of this novel — at least for little while — because I’m now in the second act of the novel. I say this because instead writing all these scenes out of whole cloth like I did with the first act, there is now a stretch of scenes I have to rewrite instead.
I hope to write a heroine as interesting as Lisbeth Salander.
I don’t know if I will make my idea of having a hard April 19th deadline so I can physically hand it to people at an event I’m set to go to on that date, but I could get pretty close. In a way. I doubt I will have something strong enough I will want to hand to anyone, but I’m going to be well on my way to wrapping up SOMETHING by April 19th.
But I don’t want to overwork or stress myself out. I don’t want to burn out. I am, though, going to try to be a lot more focused from now on. I still am interested in the idea of finishing this year a third draft of the sequel to the novel I’m working on. That would be pretty cool.
I still need to read and watch other people’s content. That will really help me improve the copy of my novel. I keep saying that then never do it. Though I will admit that I’m really interested in seeing the moving Civil War. That should be pretty interesting to see.
My paternal grandmother started to paint later in life and she did a pretty good job. I think about her a lot as I grow closer and closer to finishing a novel that at least won’t embarrass me.
Given that I’m about 25 years too old to do anything but just sit in my room and stare up at the ceiling while twiddling my thumbs, I’m just going to have to console myself that when I finish the novel I will have prove the point I set out to prove when I began this project — my writing doesn’t suck and fuck you.
The novel I’m working on tells an interesting, coherent story that I — hope — leaves the reader wanting more. And, yet, I have to accept, no matter how hard it is, that even if I stick the landing and blow up with my novel money I simply won’t get what I want.
I want to be young and cute hanging out with my fellow 25 year olds in New York City running around the city making mistakes and memories. That is just not going to happen. No amount of success I might attain because of this novel will give me my youth back.
And if I became as big a success as I feel I could be, all anyone will want to talk about is how I became a success “late in life” and they’ll pester me with questions about what it feels like to be a “late bloomer.”
As such, I just have to be proud of creation for the sake of creation. Even if it takes me years to successfully query this novel I will have proven to the haters that I can, in fact, write a novel.
I am zooming through the newest version of the Third Draft of this novel and as I do, I find myself experiencing wave after wave of angst for various reasons. One reason for all the angst is what the fuck I’m going to do once I finish this third draft and need to piviot to the post-production issues of editing and querying.
If I wasn’t living in poverty, I would probably talk to someone about how to successfully query. And I definitely would look into talking to a manuscript consultant.
But, as it stands at least, both of those options just aren’t really applicable. I MAY be able to pay a manuscript consultant, but it’s going to take months of saving money and eating ramen to do it. It will be worth it, of course, but a real pain in the ass.
Because of how broke I am, I’m going into the querying process totally blind. I can read up on what to do, but, lulz, it sure would be nice to talk to an expert about what to do. I continue to be in denial about how fast the querying process is approaching me.
It is. It really am on track to wrap up a viable Third Draft of this novel no later than, say around July 22. I will note that I really need to not listen to the white noise about writing found on social media. Every writer’s journey is different and I can’t let where other people are on their journey screw with my head or cause me to lose sight of my goals.
MAGA is now full blown fascism. America is an autocracy without an autocrat. As such, the moment Republicans have power again, all hell will break loose. And the jury is still out as to How Bad Things Will Get.
The political canary in the coalmine is going to be trans people. I struggle to believe that if some future autocrat — Tyrant Trump or someone else — builds out the infrastructure necessary to round up millions of undocumented people that they won’t feel a great deal of temptation to round up trans people, too. And they won’t stop there — next thing you know, Jews will be in the camps, too.
Whenever you start fucking with the nature of citizenship, there is a natural inclination on the part of those doing the fucking to narrow the definition of who is a citizen down to whatever they can get away with.
Now, of course, it just sounds like hysterical doom shit to suggest that MAGA might start to round up trans people and put them in concentration camps along with other “undesirables,” but it’s very easy to imagine MAGA going septic and that very thing happening.
But, at the moment, I just don’t know. There are a lot of scenarios one could think up, I just happen to gravitate towards the most dystopian.
The thing about the “woke cancel culture mob” is, you can never predict how they will react. Now, let me be clear, I use the term “woke cancel culture mob” in a very sardonic way. It’s all a big lulz to me — I know what I’m doing with this novel and fuck you (wink) — but the tender sensibilities of some in the modern reading audience is something I worry about.
It would all be different if I was an undocumented trans woman. THEN, the fact that my heroine was a part-time sex worker would be something to praise, not go crazy over. But, I can’t change who I am or how old I am.
I often find myself pondering if I’ve totally screw up my making my heroine a part-time stripper. She is so much more than that, but that’s the thing everyone will focus on. And that doesn’t even begin to address the issue of how this novel might be marketed if I should somehow win the lottery and actually sell it.
The curious thing about the Youngs who are so fucking “woke” is how much they distain any sex at all. It’s all very curious to me. Sex is a part of being an adult and, as such, it is something that you are inevitably going to broach if you want to tell a modern, adult yarn.
But, I get it. I really do — just the idea of a smelly middle aged CIS white male thinking up a heroine who is a part time stripper is enough to make women in their early twenties want to do a few Tik-Toks in protest.
I am generally pleased with how this novel is shaping up, come what may. If nothing else, having my heroine be a part-time stripper will evoke SOME sort of emotion from the reading audience, one way or another.
I really enjoy developing and writing female characters because it’s so much more of a challenge than male characters. And YET, the whole notion of me, a smelly CIS white male, writing from a female point of view is fraught with potential problems.
Ugh. ‘Woke’ people.
There are so young women on Tik-Tok are quite strident in their belief that, by definition, I can not write from a female POV. And that is just the beginning of what the potential creative landmines I have to deal with when I do something as now-provocative as write from a female POV.
Again, as an aside, let me be clear — had I know what a potential pain in the ass doing any of this would be, I wouldn’t have done it. But I studied Stieg Larsson’s original Millennium series and HE wrote from a female POV all the time so when I started working on what could now be a seven novel project…I didn’t really give it much thought.
From what I can tell of the “woke cancel culture mob” Tik-Toks I get pushed on occasion, one big quibble that some “woke” readers have is the what they feel is the gratuitous tendency for male authors — like me — to talk about tits and ass.
As someone who actually writing a novel, I really struggle with the idea that this is some big deal. One of the thing that is so appealing about female as opposed to male characters is there is so much to work with. Because women are so much more judged on what they look like than men, the writer — that would be me — has a lot to work with.
This is the general phonotype of my heroine.
So, the issue of how big my female character’s breasts might be is actually pertinent — in my view — when it comes to describing her to the audience. Hell, Stieg Larsson spend a long-ish scene talking about how and why Lisbeth Salander got breast implants. This is especially important when should there be a need to give the reading audience some sense of the character’s self-perception.
All of this sturm and drang about how horrible it is that smelly CIS white males like me talking about tits and ass gives me a great deal of self-conscious stress. I just want to present my female characters as interesting and engaging as possible and sometimes I feel that I need to, in a matter-of-fact kind of way describe their bodies and their self-perception and interaction with them.
The ‘woke’ always have their eye on you. Wink.
It should not be that big a deal if I do it all in a non-salacious manner. I’m WELL AWARE that some ding-dong male authors use their female character as an opportunity to design characters they clearly want to fuck.
Ok, I get it.
While we’re on the subject of female characters, I must note that my one big quibble about Stieg Larsson’s work is how ALL of his female characters are good. It seems a disservice to both the story and the audience for there to be no female characters who are not on the side of good.
Now, obviously, I haven’t really read the post-Larsson novels published by his estate, so that issue may have been fixed.
Anyway. What do I know. I’m a smelly CIS white male. I should nothing at all but sit in my dark bedroom, twiddle my thumbs and stare at the ceiling.
I spent all morning writing out scenes and I hope — hope — to throw myself into similar writing this afternoon. It definitely seems that, barring something I can’t predict, that I am still on track to wrap up the third draft of this novel no later than July 22 — the 20th anniversary of my first trek to Asia in 2004.
Barfly makes good.
I’m really leaning into character with this latest attempt at a third draft. And, what’s more, I’m really smoothing out the rough edges of the plot. Scenes no longer can be moved around without regard for where they are in the outline. That comes from how stable — in general — the plot of the novel is at the moment.
All of this is happening in the context of me continuing to worry about what the fucking “woke cancel culture mob” will think of me, a smelly CIS white male, writing from a female POV. I TRY to be as empathic as possible and to make it clear that I “get it” when it comes to what women may experience. And, yet, I could be fucking Darren Star and there will be young women on Tik-Tok who simply can not accept that a middle aged dude like me can possibly write from a female POV.
Ugh. Woke people.
But, slings and arrows, as they say.
I just want to tell a great yarn and it just so happened that the story I want to tell involves me writing scenes from a female POV. When I started this project, I simply followed what Stieg Larsson did. I had no idea that it would be such a fucking big deal that I might write from the POV of a woman. Had I known that it was even an issue, I probably would have constructed the novel differently.
And, yet, lulz. I want this novel to be an old brown shoe for people who have read the original Millennium novels written by Larsson while he was alive, so there you go.
I hope my novel will appeal to readers who liked The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.
Having said all that, I am really pleased with how this novel is shaping up. It definitely may be too long — which is a real problem — but the story is coherent, cohesive and cogent. It tells a story that is engaging enough that maybe a few people — who don’t even know me! — will feel enough interest to actually finish the damn thing.
Things are finally beginning to click with this novel. As I’m going through and rewriting many of the scenes of the third draft so I can produce something I can maybe get a manuscript consultant to read — if I can find the money — I’m finally, finally feeling confident that this novel won’t, if anything, embarrass me.
My dream is to write a novel as popular and as successful as Stieg Larsson’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.
I can finally feel some peace about all the hard work I’ve done over the last few years with this project. A lot of why things are moving so fast now comes from how I have a stable outline. All I have to do is go through the outline and smooth out some of the rough edges while leaning into character.
I’m really beginning to use cause and effect on the scenes so they’re not just a series of scenes that move around constantly. There is some sense of a flow from scene to scene. This is why I really feel the Beta Release of the third draft will be good enough that it will feel like a professional novel.
My heroine as a sleeve tattoo similar to the one Megan Fox now sports, even though I thought of the idea first.
All systems are go for me to wrap this novel up around July 22 as I hope. When I finally do finish this novel, the real work begins. I’m at a total loss as to what I’m going to do when I start to query this novel. I’ve been developing and writing this novel in such a vacuum that I fear the transition into trying to sell this particular work could be extremely jarring.
But I’m prepared to fail — a lot. And I know the odds are against me big time. It will be like winning a creative lottery to get anywhere near my goal of being a published author anytime soon. Even if I stick the landing, I could be a lot closer to 60 than I am now by the time the book hits bookshelves and people can buy it
My heroine has the same phenotype as Corrie Yee.
And that doesn’t even begin to address the possibility of a political “Fourth Turning” happening or a technological “Petite Singularity.” But I have hope. I’m a peace one way or another.
I believe that when this process is over that I will have a finished novel that I can be proud of, regardless of any obstacles I may face to get it traditionally published.
I try, you know. I really do. I try to force myself to listen to people I disagree with because it forces me to better understand what I believe and why. It’s that thinking that causes me to listen to the All-In podcast even though sometimes what those asinine tech bros have to say gives me the heebie-jeebies.
But it’s tech bro David Sacks who continues to grate on my nerves. He loves, loves, loves, to second guess and bitch about what you would think every American would do without much thought — support Ukraine.
He seems to go to ridiculous lengths to think up reasons why we should give up on Ukraine and let Putin run roughshod over that proud nation. And he’s not alone — there are plenty of other Tech Bros who think the same thing.
It’s all very curious and alarming.
But what do I know. He’s far more wealthy than I am and we’re all supposed to listen to people like Sacks because they’re wealthy and successful. Right?
I am nothing more than a simple, smelly CIS white male. So, excuse me if I am taken aback by the rise of hot lesbians. These are women who are drop dead gorgeous and yet have zero interest in men.
Hot lesbians Fletcher and her ex-girlfriend Shannon Beveridge.
I only bring this up because I keep getting pushed awkward Tik-Tok videos of lesbian icon singer Fletcher talking to her smoke show of an ex-girlfriend. It seem as though Flecher’s ex, whose name I do not know (Update — it’s Shannon Beveridge), has a podcast and for some reason Fletcher — who has written a lot of really good lyrics about her ex — decide to go on said podcast.
Now, while I find the idea of hot chicks being lesbians generally a lulz on a personal basis, on a macro cultural basis it is…intriguing. Fletcher’s ex, in particular has the phenotype of a woman I would fall hard for. That is a reason why her status as a lesbian sort of rattles my cage — on a macro basis.
It makes you wonder what the fuck is going on in Western culture that women who could clearly find a man simply aren’t interested. It seems as though some New Yorker writer — who could articulate this situation far better than me — could spend 10,000 words looking into this situation without being “canceled.”
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