I Don’t Know What To Make Of Emrata

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

On a personal basis, I really want to like Emily Ratajkowski, or Emrata. I continue to believe she’s the best looking public woman in the world. In general, I’ve found her personality to be endearing and languid.

Emrata

And YET.

She has a tendency to be coy and say “who, me?” things.

She knows damn well that she’s a sex bomb and that that is why anyone pays any attention to her. And, from what I can tell, she is, in general, fairly smart. But then she turns around and makes Tik-Tok videos bemoaning that people won’t take her seriously because she shows cleavage.

Jesus Christ, woman, what else do you expect is going to happen?

But I will agree with her on one issue — women with bigger chests are not taken as seriously as their less buxom counterparts. It shouldn’t be so difficult for us, as a society, to allow a fuller-chested woman to both show some cleavage and to be taken seriously.

But, then, I’m an old man.

Anyway.

Pet Peeve: Why Has No One Cast Emrata in a ’10’ Sequel called, ’11?’

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is just a random pet peeve of mine. There was a great sexromp comedy starring Dudley Moore done by Blake Edwards (I think) called 10. It stared Bo Derrick in her most languid sexkitten role ever. It was very much a late 70s, early 80s movie.

Well, there is one modern woman who serves the same public role as Bo Derrick back in the day — Emily Ratajkowski. The two women could not be more alike in personality and demeanor. They both have a very, very casual, languid approach to sex to the point that you could believe a ding-dong like Dudley Moore’s character in 10 had a chance with her.

Anyway, the way things are going the only way such a movie would ever be written is if *I* wrote it. And the way things are going on THAT front, it will either never happen, or by the time it did Emrata would be middle aged.

Ugh.

A Bit Of Fan Service — Pondering The State Of Emrata’s Career

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Emily Ratajkowski is an interesting person for more than one reason. She’s obviously an intelligent woman and I would argue the best looking public woman in the world.

And, yet, she’s been involved in some sketchy shit — specifically involving her not paying her rent — and she also obviously can’t fucking act.

It’s that second issue that is interesting. Emrata is probably may favorite model alive today for various reasons and, yet, she just can’t act. This is interesting to me because it proves that begin a Hollywood success means being more than just astonishing T&A.

You have to have, like, some sort of acting ability to become any sort of Hollywood star. Which, I think, is interesting, because it tells us something about the importance of not just beauty, but personality when it comes to making it big in Hollywood.

Something about that makes me feel better about the general shitty thing that is human existence.

Anyway, if I, like, won the lottery, I would do everything in my power to make Emrata a part of my life. She’s my ideal woman. Ok, yes, I’m probably a little too fucking old for her, but give me a break. This is my daydream.

The Curious Case Of Emrata

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of my long-term celebrity crushes is Emily Ratajkowski. She’s just my type in various ways large and small and so I am always interested in her career. The interesting thing about her these days is she apparently is so desperate for attention that she calls the BackGrid photo service to take pictures of her walking around New York City.

Now, obviously, I could be wrong. It could be that she’s doing just fine and her career isn’t “cooling” or anything. But it definitely seems as though she isn’t as white hot as she used to be, which I find very curious.

The key thing I note about her is her personality — it’s very, very languid. She is very laid back and has a reputation of something of a “pick me girl.” To her credit, she’s very sex-positive as well.

But this whole situation makes me wonder about the nature of fame and celebrity. Emrata seems to have pretty much everything going for her, but one thing — she can’t act. The few times I’ve seen her in a movie she was a heatsink of acting ability, a regular black hole.

And, if anything, I think that’s probably what’s going on. If she could act, then Hollywood would see her more than just potential T&A and that would take her career to the next level. As it stands, she’s going to probably coast where she is for the foreseeable future.

In The End, Emrata May Be The Only Woman Who Can Be POTUS

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

One of the conundrums of a modern woman trying to run for public office is they have to be totally, completely sexless. They’re not permitted, in any way, to show any skin in a traditional feminine way.

So, as such, it’s possible that every major female politician will rise up through the ranks, only to be destroyed because bikini pics — or whatever — pops out. Which makes you wonder, maybe the only way a woman can ever become POTUS is if her no0ds are already baked into the cake.

Maybe, then, 30 years from now, only someone like Emily Ratajkowski can successfully run for POTUS because, lulz, we’ve already seen her n0ods so it’s all a lulz.

Or not. Who knows. But I do know that it’s very annoying that otherwise qualified women will be prohibited from going up the chain of political command just because their n0ods leaked.

I will note, again, that AOC is a smoking hot babe and it’s kind of surreal that to date we have not see ANY bikini pictures of her. Anyway. I hope they don’t ever leak so she has a decent shot of being POTUS one day.

Again, Why Hasn’t Emily Ratajkowski Dated Cara Delevingne Yet?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

When it comes to this particular era in Emrata’s life, it’s curious for what HASN’T happened — she hasn’t publicly dated a woman yet. Given Emrata’s reputation as a “pick me” girl, it would make a huge amount of sense for her to go through her “bi-sexual queen” phase.

You go, girl.

And as I’ve suggested before about Emrata, if she decides to date women she has to get through the Final Boss of Cara Delevingne. It would be so, so, so hot if those two started dating. Probably a million young men (and a few women) would start puberty at the thought of Emrata being Cara’s girlfriend, even if it’s just for a few publicity filled weeks.

I suppose it’s just a matter of time, all things considered. It would be one of those fun-interesting things that got everyone talking. Inevitably, of course, the What Does It All Mean culture police would swoop in and make us all miserable my ranting about to smoking hot women dating each other means….something?

Ugh.

Of ‘Wokeness:’ A Tale Of Two Dresses

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It occured to me, if you want to know what “woke” means, the following situation pretty much sums it up. On one hand, we have Emily Ratajkowski wearing a sheer — but tasteful — dress to the Vanity Fair Oscar after party and getting a lot of hate for it. Meanwhile, trans icon Hunter Schafer wears what what is demonstrably a more provocative dress to the same event and she’s heaped with praise.

Now, to me, what happened is Emrata suffered at the hands of Internet misogyny culture while Schafer’s fan base is so ecstatic that she’s living her best life as a woman that she gets praise.

Or something like that.

There has been something of a kerfuffle over some Right-wing “thought leader” not being able to give a cogent explanation of what being “woke” is on a TV show. Obviously, being “woke” at this point pretty much means “whatever goes against the MAGA fascist agenda.”

But upon giving it some thought, here is what the woman came up with later, after the show.

Looking closely at this new explanation she gave, it looks like total bullshit to me. If I was forced to give a non-silly, non-partisan definition of being “woke” I would use terms “systemic racism” and “transgender rights” in it somewhere.

Let me be absolutely clear — I generally support transgender rights. What I *DON’T* support is when the “woke cancel culture mob” freaks the fuck out about people like Dave Chappelle simply expressing their disagreement with the ideological conventions of the Trans movement.

I say this because, you can yell at me all you like about how Trans people are dying and, as such, we have to protect them to the point that even free speech is limited — but you’re missing something very important by saying that.

And that is the touchiness of the Trans movement is driving Traditionalists into the arms of MAGA Nazi fascists who if they ever gain the presidency again will definitely give the Trans movement something to cry about. Or we have a civil war and then everyone — Trans people included — will have a lot more problems on their hands than a Dave Chappelle joke.

Anyway, this is an intractable problem that is, again, probably going to only be solved with the “woke” era ends because we have a civil war or turn into an autocracy.

The Performance Art That Is Emrata’s Dating Life

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner


I only keep writing about Emily Ratajkowski’s curious dating life because of how odd it all is. She’s demonstrably the best looking public woman out there today and yet she has become a very public serial dater. It makes you wonder if she suffers from a little bit of “Madonna in 1989 NYC-itis” or if it’s all some sort of extended romantic PR stunt.

Emrata on the prowl.

Or, put another way, Emrata is such a gorgeous bombshell of a woman — at least to me — that the fact that she’s bouncing from man to man to (eventually woman?) is of note. It’s not like she’s just another young woman who wants to have fun dating a lot of men.

She has fans — like me — who struggle to understand what’s going on when she is seen with man after man when she could very well just find A Stud and have an extended PR relationship with him and I could go back to just enjoying her occasional sexxy snap.

The fact that I’m writing about this AGAIN makes me worry that I have some sort of parasocial relationship with her. That’s a good question. No, I don’t think it’s THAT bad. I do think because I have an eye for beauty that I do have a low-key emotional investment in who she’s dating at any particular moment. I think some of it is that there may be a pretty big difference between her public persona and her actual personality.

I think she enjoys the attention for the very thing that’s making me uneasy — bouncing from man to man in a very public manner. Why Emrata is on Raya is beyond me. She has no need to be on a dating service — even if it’s for The Beautiful People.

I guess it could be worse, she could be dating someone like Marylin Manson. Ugh.

Anyway, good luck finding a long-term beau, Ermata.

Watch Me Try To Figure Out What’s Going On With Emrata

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I hate to inform you gentle reader, but I’m intoxicated. As such, find myself going a flight of fancy about what exactly is up with the single best looking woman in the public sphere — Emily Ratajkowski. In short, I’m drunk and I feel like overthinking Emrata’s dating agenda.

Emrata

Ok. We know that Emrata is a single mom. We know she’s got a very languid and sexual personality. So, now that she’s divorced, she’s sort of sowing her wild oats. She’s still reasonably young, so, lulz. I guess the only quibble I have is Emrata sems to go out of her way to have PR relationships. What I really struggle with is..what’s the point?

Why not find just find hyper attractive man — or woman — and just settle down with them. Or, if nothing else, have an actual relationship with someone, not just a string of PR relationships. Emrata is sufficiently self-aware that I can only imagine that she’s kind of playing with our collective minds with all these PR relationships.

If nothing else, she looks happy, from the pictures I’ve seen of her with man after man in a PR relationship. That’s better than a lot of us can say, you know? I still keep expecting her to dip into the lady pond in a very conspicuous, public way that will get people talking. The ideal woman for her to fuck would be, of course, Julia Fox.

Now THAT would get people talking.

Anyway. Lulz. No one cares what I think.

Countdown To Emrata Dating Cara Delevingne

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I don’t know about you, but I sure did like it better when Emily Ratajkowski was married to her cheating shithead husband. It seems as though the woman has decide to have a PR relationship with every single dude in showbiz and it’s beginning to make me roll my eyes.

Emrata

But given her status as a “pick me girl,” it is pretty much inevitable at this point that Emrata is going to date a woman in a really public manner. The woman she probably is going to it with is the go-to showbiz lesbian lothario Cara Delevingne. It almost seems an immutable force of future history that this is going to happen.

Of course, I suppose someone like Fletcher or Miley Cyrus might get in on the Emrata “walk on the wild side” action at some point. Emrata needs to chill out. I get that she just wants to bounce around with different dudes (and eventually women) but she’s so famous that it probably would be in her best interests just to find someone, anyone and stick with them for a little while.

Emrata’s future girlfriend?

I have to give Emrata credit, despite having one of the most languid personalities ever, she does manage to be consistently interesting and self-aware.