The Interesting Conundrum Of Bella & Gigi Hadid

‘Pick Me Girl,’ Emrata

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Emily Ratajkowski is, at least in my view, the best looking public figure woman in the world. And, yet, at times she does have some curious personality quirks. She notoriously didn’t pay her rent in New York City because of a loophole. More recently, she’s become known as a “pick me” girl.

What this means — at least to me — is she will occasionally do and say things that she knows will make her more popular to her fans. Sort of a fan service for hot chicks. So, she claims she’s interested in dating a woman. She talks about how she’s interested in getting breast reduction surgery.

Sometimes, she says things that makes one think, “You know we know what you look like, right?

She kind of wants to square the circle. She wants to soak up the vibe of being wealthy and gorgeous…but at the same time she wants to be popular with people for being “relatable.” I will give her credit for knowing that if she doesn’t stay relatable to the average person she risks people hating her just like people hated Anne Hathaway at some point back in the day.

Anyway. I’m a nobody in the middle of nowhere. And old. And poor. So, nobody cares what I think.

Of Fashion Photography & Me

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As of right now, mapping out my remaining 30 to 40 years of existence (if I’m lucky) I would say if I’m ever going to live up to my “potential” it’s going be by writing and selling a novel (or six.) The thing I know I have an innate ability to do — take a damn good photo — requires equipment that I just don’t have and can’t afford. And I live in the wrong place. I have the wrong background. I’m too old, the list goes on.

And, yet, if there’s one thing I’ve learned is my life is very quirky and strange things happen to me for strange reason. I also know that I’m 100% extroverted and am an excellent “schmoozer” — especially when intoxicated. (The usual caveats about every drunk thinking they’re the funniest person in the room obviously apply.)

As such, I occasionally pause and think about what might happen if I managed to get the funds necessary to buy the photographic equipment necessary to start a career as a professional photographer. I don’t really know the grammar of photography, but I have an eye for beauty, if you will. I know how to tell a story with a picture, in other words.

A sample of my work.

If the stars were to align and I was able to not only get the photographic equipment I needed but was able to at least attempt to start a new life in, say, New York City, there’s a pretty good chance that I could be a moderately successful fashion photographer.

I would want to be a fashion photographer because I love beauty and what could be more beautiful than to take high qualities photos of beautiful women in beautiful clothes for a living? It’s my impression — I think — that my personal photographic god Helmut Newton was older when he started taking pictures for a living.

I’m not comparing myself to him, of course, but I need some hope from somewhere.

What’s more, I’m a big enough kook that I would probably fit right in with the larger-than-life figures found all throughout the fashion world.

But all of that is really dreaming a lot. And, yet, dreaming is free. And for that, I’m thankful.

Has Anna Wintour Lost Her Touch?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let me be clear — I’m a middle aged CIS white male living in oblivion in the middle of nowhere. No need to listen to me on anything, much less Anna Wintour.

Boring

But as someone who has aspirations to be a fashion photographer (one day) I do keep less-than-casual tabs on the front cover of Vogue Magazine. The last year or so, I’ve noticed how…blah…the magazine’s front covers have become, especially in the context of British Vogue.

I really like this one.

British Vogue continues to give us the feminine spectacle we have come to assume is standard with a Vogue cover. Some of the British Vogue covers really are great and make your eyes light up with joy when you see them. American Vogue covers, meanwhile, are rather drab in comparison.

What the what?

Anyway, Anna Wintour is now 72 years old and, logically, she would retire and let the editor of British Vogue take over. But we all know that’s not how the real world works. Wintour remains a very powerful icon in the fashion industry and she is a spry 72, so she could probably keep her vise grip on American Vogue for at least another decade.

Or she could fired, which would be one of the most shocking events in modern magazine publishing if it happened.

Regardless, no one listens to me. I suppose if there’s a coup and the editor of British Vogue takes over the flagship Conde Nast magazine that my long-time celebrity crush Alexa Chung would have a new, an unexpected “in” with American Vogue. British Vogue seems to really like Ms. Chung.

In Defense Of Olivia Rodrigo


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

At the risk of being a dirty old man, I would like to take a moment to defend Olivia Rodrigo wearing a pretty stunning dress at the recent opening of the Academy Museum. (I know, I know, what else am I going to say?)

The argument is, she’s just barely 18 and, as such, for her to wear such a dress is for her, by definition, to be unduly sexualize. I validate that argument, and, yet, I have to take issue with it. Your typical fashion model walking the runways is somewhere in the 14-17 age range and some of the clothes they wear are eye-popping.

Holy cow, Olivia Rodrigo! / Internet image.

The dress in question is gorgeous as is she and given she is 18 and can pull it off, I say go for it. She’s gorgeous enough that she could easily walk the catwalk and, as such, fall within the context of wearing provocative clothing for her age. If anything, I would be more concern about brunette-loving Pete Davidson swooping in and dating her more than I would how provocative the dress is.

Or, put another way, from a photographic standpoint, the pictures I’ve seen of her in that dress are incredible. I say this as someone is regularly rattled by how underage Millie Bobby Brown really is unduly sexualized for her age and, by the way, what’s up with her and Drake?

Again, I don’t mean to come off as a dirty old man. But, I guess, in the eyes of some, I, by definition, am.

Helmut Newton Is My Photographic Hero


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The more I think about it, the less I care about actually having any interaction with the subjects I might take pictures of should I get what I want, which is a career (of some sort) in the fashion industry.

Lulz. I’m obsessed with the art of fashion. The actual people involved can do their own thing. If they’re gracious enough to allow me to sit with the cool kids, then, great. But, honestly, just having the opportunity to take pictures of gorgeous women in gorgeous clothes would be enough.

But having said all that, I find myself thinking about my first memories of fashion photography. For some reason, even as a young man, I was drawn to the work of Helmut Newton. I liked the stark, austere nature of his work. That he was working with the best looking women in the world, didn’t hurt.

My best Helmut Newton-influenced photo I have available.

Helmut Newton of Catherine Deneuve

Anyway, lulz. No one cares. And if they do care, they think — at this point — that I’m totally delusional and bonkers. Which, at this point, I am. But I’m notorious for taking a tiny opportunity to running with it at light speed. So, it’s at least possible that once I get the Nikon camera I’m working towards buying that something might, at last, break my way.

I don’t know what to tell you. Either I’m going to always be an Internet crank, or something’s going to change in a big way.

We Were Young Once, And Drunk


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I hope to return to Seoul before I drop dead. Everything changed when I went to Asia. Or, should I say, everything changed when I met the late Annie Shapiro. I have a very romanticized recollection of those years of my life. I mean, Annie was no saint and I was so crazy that they put me in a book about crazy expats. (That was fun, let me tell you.)

The good old days in Seoul.

In more than one way, the bolts popped off my sanity while I was in Asia. And I was so kneecapped on an emotional basis by what happened with ROKon Magazine that I pretty much was in neutral for a decade. But I can feel things beginning to change now.

Now that the novel series I’m working on is beginning to take shape and I have my potential “second track” of (fashion) photography, I’m beginning to get my emotional sea legs again. I think back to how I was a man on fire in Seoul and how I was “famous” and overexposed within the expat community for being everywhere and nowhere at once.

A lot — A LOT — could still go wrong. But the reason why photography, specifically is so appealing to me is it makes me the protagonist of my personal story again. Something has to change in my life for me to use the camera I want to buy successfully. I can’t just stay in neutral. I’m going to have to hit the pavement and see if I can crack some doors somewhere.

I remember how exciting it was in Seoul in late 2006 when Annie and I were changing the world with ROKon Magazine. I would do it all different now, but it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.

I loved being a DJ in Seoul.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that fashion photography is, like being a rock DJ, a sweetspot in my personality. And it was in Asia that I realized I was not a journalist, but, rather a creative person. In a way, being a DJ and fashion photographer are same same but different in my mind. I’m using a similar part of my mind to tell stories, if you will.

But, as I keep saying, I’m about 20 years too old to start a career in (fashion) photography — or any creative career for that matter. They say “age ain’t nuthing but a number,” but “they” lie. All I can say is I have a native, organic talent with it comes to a few things and photography is one of them.

Getting into photography, if nothing else, elevates my serotonin levels.

Ode To A Muse: Christy Turlington


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m of an age where my frame of reference for beauty is the supermodels of the 80s and 90s. And, for some reason of all the astonishing beauties of that age, the one that really caught my eye was always Christy Turlington.

Helen of Troy. /Google Images

What’s more, from the pictures I’ve seen of her recently, she’s still fucking got it. She’s incredibly beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous.

Anyway, Ms. Turlington is my Venus. Something about the severe nature of her beauty is timeless. If just the mere existence of that high a form of natural art doesn’t make one want to take pictures, I don’t know know what will.

‘Truth North’ & Towards A Second Creative ‘Track:’ Fashion Photography



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

We all have a precious few years on this planet. I’m old enough to know there are a few things I’m good at organically. I can tell a good story. I’m a damn good pop rock DJ under the right circumstances and….I am, organically, a great photographer.

Me, when I was still young and cute.

I’ve been struggling with what my second creative “track” would be and I’ve finally figured out what it will be: photography.

But let me put this in context.

I’m about 20 years too old to be traditionally successful. I live in the wrong place. I have the wrong background. And while I love fashion as an art form, I have the personal fashion sense of an ameba.

And, really, all of this is just another attempt to give my life some structure. I’m kind of adrift at the moment outside of the four novels I’m developing and writing and it would be nice to have a second “track” that I could turn to when I need to think about something else.

So, as far as I can tell, photography is it. My long term goal would be, like, to do something cool like do some wildcat street photography around NY Fashion Week. That would be a dream come true.

In Busan a long time ago.

But, given the things I can’t control I mentioned above, in a sense any interest in fashion photography on my part would be obviously delusional and nothing more than being creative for being creative’s sake.

My soul is that of a photographer, more than even a writer, and since I’m not going to live forever, I need to get to it and start the process of learning how to use a nice prosumer Nikon. I’m going to save up for a few months to get the camera I’m interested in (which is just the frame) then save up more to buy a nice standard lens and some sort of flash.

Then, I’m going to think about different places in my area where I can take photos to learn how to use the camera. I’m already preparing myself for the camera in question to have an unusually steep learning curve. But I really believe in photography, so it will be worth it. (At least to me.)

I surprised the haters when I DJed in Seoul and I can do it again with photography. A lot can go wrong — I’ve had this urge before, after all and that went bust — but it gives me something to think about, some direction in my life.

I have an eye for beauty, if nothing else and it’s nice to finally figure out what my second “track” will be.

Now, to be patient.

Such a great photo.