Tag: Hollywood

Only Worry About What You Can Control


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m really worried someone is going to steal a creative march on me with this novel. After all this hard work I’ve put in into it, my nightmare is someone cherry picks parts off and does something more successful with it.

This has happened to me before with ROKon Magazine and so I’m extremely paranoid it will happen again. But as I keep telling myself, worry about what you can control.

Should I learn 100% that someone has “stolen” my concept, then I have a number of other creative projects in the back of my head I can pivot to. I’m not saying I’m not going to sulk with devastation for a few days — weeks? — but I know a lot more about telling stories than I did when this process began.

As such, I can pretty easily use all that new knowledge to write something else. That’s the plan, at least.

Ugh. Now I’ll Never Be Accepted By Twitter Liberals


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

So, here I am in all my glory. This is evidence of why people like Maggie Haberman, Ryan Lizza and various other MSM people think I’m an Internet kook, a crank. I don’t even think I’m all that bad in real terms, but if you want to date me or hire me and don’t know the context in which this interview took place, well, by that metric I will get neither laid or hired.

All I can say is in person I’m not nearly as acerbic as maybe I seem in this video. I was dealing with a well meaning troll and so in an effort to not fall into any of his troll traps, I made it clear I wasn’t going to put up with any shit. If that means I came off as an asshole, well, don’t know what to tell you.

In fact, the only reason why this interview even bothers me is I worry I won’t be able to get a literary agent because of it — and shit like it — I’ve produced online over the years. But who knows. Maybe not? Maybe if I produce a really good novel, my kookiness won’t matter that much?

‘Barry Jive:’ Just Because I Talk About My Novel All The Time, Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Any Good


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve been working on this novel for some time now. And I have a hunch that I may have finally — finally — stumbled across the way I’m going to tell this story.

One thing I’ve noticed, however, is people poo-poo the idea of this novel sometimes because I’ve been talking about it so much during the developmental process. But that’s just my personality. I’m too much of an extrovert not to talk about a huge project like a novel that is rattling around in my mind.

I think I may be about to stabilize this novel up to six chapters. Maybe. Things are still bound to collapse on me at some point, but at least it doesn’t happen as often as it used to. It still happens, just not as often. Some of what’s going on is I’ve simply worn myself down to such an extent that I’m finally — finally — willing to not re-write (or move everything around) simply because something doesn’t fit my specific and completely arbitrary demands I’ve force on the makeup of the novel.

But anyway.

All I want to is finish a novel at this point. After that, we’ll see what happens.

Jennifer Lawrence, My Novel & The Role Of ‘Dr. Susan Calvin’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing about Hollywood types is they both live in the aether and also (probably) are obsessed with what people say about them online. I’m a nobody living in the middle of nowhere…but I am writing a novel. And (I think) it’s a good one.

I sometimes for shits and giggles find myself thinking about who might play this or that character in the move adaptation of the novel if somehow, someway miraculously sell it. I really like Jennifer Lawrence, so I mull which character she could play. Honestly, I can’t really think of any character off the top of my head, but given the point of the novel I could definitely see her wanting to, like, uhhhh, produce it.

I’m not going to say I’m any type of “feminist ally” because, well, I’m of the opinion that if a dude says that about himself he’s just looking to get laid. But I have been inspired by the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements to write a novel that pretty much roots around in those concepts as part of its DNA. It also has sex and tech stuff that goes boom so dudes will like it, too. (Hopefully.)

But absolutely no one listens to me. No one. But if someone, somewhere, would listen to me — Jennifer Lawrence? — they would realize there is a great, great sci-fi franchise just waiting to be exploited by Hollywood: Dr. Susan Calvin.

It kind of blows my mind that no one has noticed what a great character she is — and there are all these short stories to be adapted into movies! She appears briefly in the dumb I, Robot movie with Will Smith, but that’s not the character in the short stories at all.

In the short stories, she’s a tough as nails robot psychologist who goes through a series of adventures. All Hollywood would have to do is dust these adventures off, update them, do cool stuff with them and, there you go.

And, yet, again let me say — no one listens to me. Ever.

The First Draft Of The Novel Is Beginning To Consolidate Up To About Chapter 4


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Though there are some gaps here and there, I’m just about to consolidate the novel up to the 4th chapter. Things are moving really, really fast right now. I continue to graze a lot of books about how to write and develop novels — in addition to general books to help with development of characters — and I’m feeling pretty stoked.

As I’ve mentioned, there is at least one potential existential issue with the novel — when it’s set. It’s taken me so fucking long to get to this point that the (first?) Trumplandia Era is over (for the time being.) Given that Doofus Trump is going to CPAC this year, it definitely seems as though he’s running again and that particular issue will be solved. It will be solved in the sense that Trump’s not going anywhere and there are going to be plenty of regular readers who will want to read my “Atlas Shrugged for liberal-progressives.” (Though this is an extremely simplistic description of what’s going on.)

One thing I keep gradually drifting towards is throwing all my time at the novel. No one reads this blog and the only reason to write anything on it anymore is I’m paying for the domain name and sometimes I need to vent. And sometimes I get drunk and just feel like writing something, anything, that isn’t novel related.

But I continue to seethe about what happened during the Trump Era, so I here I am — I have all the energy necessary to develop and write a decent 100,000+ word novel set just as the “Before Times” were about to end and the pandemic was about to fuck everything up.

Anyway, I have to keep going. I need to move faster.

My Novel As Trumplandia Catharsis For ‘Woke Park Slope Moms’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

First, I know I’m being “oblivious and stupid” for even mentioning some silly idea of New York City ‘woke Park Slope moms.” It’s just a joke I tell myself to make me smile whenever I think about who the audience for this novel is.

But having said that, today was one of the first days when it really sank in that we’re no longer in the Trump Era but in the Biden Era and some basic assumptions about this novel that I made no longer apply. And, yet, the universe I’ve come up with is so Goddamn interesting — and there’s so much momentum behind it in my mind — that I’m going to keep going.

I’m not even going to hedge my bets by working on anything else. I learned a long time ago in this process writing a novel that any such talk is just a distraction. I made a pretty big break through tonight with the beginning of the novel and so I’m pushing ahead.

The biggest structural problem with the novel right now is because we’re in a new political era — one when the president isn’t deranged — it kinda feels weird talking about POTUS as a deranged person.

And, yet, I think if I made it absolutely clear when this novel is set — during Trumplandia — that readers will get it. I don’t intend to mention Trump’s name during this novel, but he definitely has an Individual #1 presence in it. I mean, who else would be president during the time this novel is set?

So, I’m hoping that a lot of people like me will want what I want — a plot that’s not-so-subtly influenced by the bonkers events of the last few years. I can’t help that it’s taken me this long to get to the point where I can actually probably finish this novel at a reasonably fast clip.

I’ve fallen in love with these characters and the least I can do is knock out one complete novel involving them. I keep struggling with some significant insecurity about how dated this novel will seem, and, yet, if I address Trumplandia in a way that, say, “woke Park Slope moms” find some catharsis, then maybe some of them will want to read it.

There is one option — simply slice the POTUS angle off the plot altogether. But, to date, I’ve not figured out how to do that. I want to root around in macro political issues using fiction. So, in a sense, this is my Atlas Shrugged, only it’s more such a novel for liberal-progressives astonished by how bad Trumplandia got before it was all over with.

Or, to put another way — I’m still angry enough about Trumplandia to keep going, damn what everyone thinks.

Writing A Novel In A Complete Creative Vacuum Is A Pain


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m in a complete creative vacuum writing this novel. I have no idea if I’m doing a good job or not. Occasionally — especially lately — I will write a scene and then lean back, rub my chin and go, “Huh, not bad.”

The latest clusterfuck in all of this, however, was when I gave the first chapter to some “readers.” The whole thing just didn’t hold up, it collapsed and I through everything up in the air and started again. The reason is — I have two equally important structural things at work with the novel and I struggle to figure out how to appease both of them.

On one hand, I need to show a little “events before the story” and on the other I want to just get into the story so I don’t have a lot of characters just having a smoke break, not really doing anything. These two demands are equal in my mind and sometimes I just can’t make a decision as to which way to go.

But I believe I may have cobbled together some sort of compromise. And, in the process, I have discovered something that was missing in this story — I just wasn’t making the stakes serious enough. But I now have fixed that aspect of the story some.

I now go into some scenes knowing, “TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. THE PERSONAL STAKES ARE HIGH FOR THESE PEOPLE.” I hope, at least, that will improve my copy.

So, I’m going to crawl my way back to the end of the first chapter pretty soon, I think. I’ve come up with a pretty good sequence of events that get me to the inciting incident. I hope. One thing I’ve come to believe is nobody knows nothing about the specifics of writing a novel.

You have the general three act structure, but other than that, you’re on your own. I’ve been trying to read as many books as I can about how to write a novel, but they’re often contradictory in the advice they give. So, really, you just figure out how YOU develop and write a novel and go from there. That’s really all you can do.

The Struggle To Write A Novel Continues


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The biggest issue with this novel right now is my storytelling ability continues to improve such that I continue to see massive problems with the story after I think I’ve locked it all down.

So the whole edifice — or specifically the first few chapters — collapse and I feel forced to start all over again. This happens about once a month now. It used to happen once or twice a day when I was more into development. But things continue to move along pretty fast.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is I am doing all of this in a vacuum so I just don’t know how much of all this hard work is me spinning my wheels because of undue perfectionism and how much of it is actually productive.

Anyway.

Everything in the first chapter fell apart AGAIN this evening and it’s been a struggle to stich things back together. My life would be so much better if I had a wife or a girlfriend willing to read my stuff, is all I gotta say. I’m extremely envious of authors who have someone — anyone — in their life willing to read their shit over and over and over and over and over again until they get it right.

Oh Lort, Is Phoebe Waller-Bridge A Babe


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let’s talk about the curious case of Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Relative to Hollywood metrics of beauty, she’s something of a square peg in a round hole. But relative to, like, normal people, she’s a smoking hot babe. In my mind, at least, she’s a smoking hot babe. She has a certain élan to her that isn’t easily pinned down.

Babe.

Ms. Waller-Bridge is so unique, out there and creative that she always keeps you guessing. And what could be more sexy than that? She’s so interesting just by being herself that audiences can really relate to her in a way they can’t with some more established stars.

She probably has a great Hollywood career ahead of her. I could see her being a stable of romcoms for years to come. Though, I also think she would play a great Dr. Susan Calvin from the I, Robot short stories. But I think that says more about my eagerness for one of those short stories to be turned into a movie than anything else.

One thing I find interesting is how she seems to be glowing up right now while another one of my celebrity crushes, Alexa Chung, seems a bit long in tooth. Not to say Ms. Chung isn’t still gorgeous, but the difference in mentality between Ms. Waller-Bridge and Ms. Chung is striking. Ms. Waller-Bridge seems to be getting younger while Ms. Chung is definitely looking a very attractive 35-ish.

Still a classic babe.

Anyway. I have to think of something to make myself feel better than now that fucking Trump has been acquitted by the Senate. I will say, in passing, that one of my novel’s female characters is inspired by Ms. Waller-Bridge. But the connection is extremely tenuis beyond what’s going on in my head when I write the character.

I Definitely Have The Creative White Hot Rage Necessary To Finish This Novel


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This novel, from the beginning, has been powered by my center-of-the-sun rage over the Trump Era. Now that the fucker has been acquitted AGAIN by the Senate, all systems are go to throw myself into this novel.

I’m enraged by the fact that the United States is officially hurtling towards either a civil war / revolution or MAGA-based autocracy. We are now living in something akin to the American Weimar Republic. This is the calm before the storm. We’re going to be in political neutral for about two years. Once the Republicans win Congress back, then they’ll impeach Biden and plot how they’re going to steal the 2024 election.

If they manage to steal the 2024 election without bungling it, then we get an autocracy very, very quickly. If they bungle it, then we get a secession crisis, civil war, revolution, you name it.

These are macro forces at work. Something on a strategic level would have to change for this not to happen. The Singularity. First Contact. A limited nuclear exchange. That type of stuff.

Anyway, the emotional, mental and creative energy I need to finish this novel is back on line. I’m apoplectic that Democrats did not have the guts to at least TRY to get Trump convicted by calling additional witnesses. Ugh. Idiots.

But I guess I have to just throw myself into this novel as best I can. And also keep an eye on the exits — if I mange to sell this novel, I may use the funds to bounce to, say, Asia so I can drink BeerLao and watch as the nation I love is consumed by American Nazis.