The Anna Marie Tendler – Kacey Musgraves – Olivia Munn Imbroglio Plot Thickens


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

At the moment, I’m kind of living my life in oblivion. I could walk off the face of the earth right now and it would take a few days for anyone to notice what had happened — this is actually quite literal at the moment. Anyway, because of this, it’s the little things that make me sit up and take notice.

And one of those little things is a serious uptick in people interested in my brief post about the connection between Anna Marie Tendler and Kacey Musgraves. And by connection, I mean Olivia Munn. I really like all the women involved in this clusterfuck and I struggle to understand exactly what happened.

But what I do know is Kacey Musgraves’ latest album, “star-crossed” is about her divorce to Ruston Kelly who was banging Olivia Munn at just about the same time Musgraves’ heart wrenching album was being produced. So, there is a direct link between the two women — Olivia Munn.

The thing about Munn is — I have no idea how much of a homewrecker she is and how much of an opportunist she is. Did John Mulaney cheat with Munn while he was with Tendler, or was it more everything was falling apart by that point and Munn was nothing more than an opportunist?

That’s something that’s something that has yet to be determined.

Anyway, the rest why I’m getting an uptick in traffic — I think — is Musgraves commented on Tendler’s latest Instagram post and people are searching the Internet curious about why this happened.

I think that’s what’s going on.

It’s all very interesting, to say the least.

‘Rooms in the First House’ #Pop #Rock #Lyrics Inspired By The Name Of Anna Marie Tendler’s Art Showing



I’m just letting off some steam when it comes to this. I need to buy a guitar and actually try to see if I can write lyrics that might, in some way actually be preformed. But I want to buy a nice Nikon camera instead, so, this is just me screwing around. It’s a quick creative fix.

Rooms in the First House
lyrics by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
please give credit if you produce or perform

this home was once my heart
now I just don’t know where to start
I dart from room to room
the rooms in the first house
the rooms in the first house
the rooms in the first house

I feel lost
and cast about in these rooms
thinking of how we used to laugh
and how all I can do now is cry
at all the lies I was told
they’re a sight to behold

the rooms in the first house
bloom with my tears now
when will it all end I cry
is there nothing left to say
but I have to live with my grief
in the
in the
rooms in the first house
rooms in the first house
rooms in the first house

(bridge)
give me a second to clear my thoughts
the second time is the charm
or maybe the third
will you come back to play pretend
I just don’t know
will this grief fade
maybe if I get laid

but for now I reside in the
rooms in the first house
rooms in the first house
rooms in the first house

Never Underestimate The Power of Great Art Generated From Agony: Anna Marie Tendler Is Winning The Parasocial Fan War


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The dark, personal art that Anna Marie Tendler is generating from her obvious agony over her break up with John Mulaney is devastating. It’s jarring it’s so good. The only time I did anything similar — to date — is the various creative things I started generating after Annie Shapiro brought back ROKon Magazine without me in late summer 2007.

What happened, when, with these two?

But, let me be clear, there was a LOT going on with me at this particular time. Something about the initial collapse of ROKon Magazine did a serious number on me mentally and emotionally to the point where I was non-functioning. All I did was go to work and listen to Radiohead all day. So, given how great her version of the magazine was, it was kind of like I left the keys in an idling car and she just had the spunk to do something with it while I was on the side of the road staring out into space.

One thing I will note is — I would like a tick-tok on the specific events (from a neutral observer ) as to when Munn started dating Mulaney. Usually, when someone goes through a break up, you at least wait a little bit before you swing through for a booty call. But, from what I can tell, Munn was on Mulaney’s doorstep with flowers and that tight ass of hers the moment she knew he was separated.

Anyway, the point is — while I’m still very empathetic to Mulaney’s situation, given how Olivia Munn kind of swooped in as soon as possible — the whole thing is just icky. Though, unlike some very opinionated people on Tik-Tok, I think he did the right thing by going on Late Night to talk about what happened. It was better to slice that particular boil ASAP, rather than have the mystery linger in the public’s mind.

I hope someone is keeping a close eye on Ms. Tendler. Severe grief is almost like a drug in its own way. It definitely changes your self-perception, no matter what. But she’s tough, I’m sure she can bounce back a lot quicker than me. It’s been over 10 years and I’m still rattled by the failure of ROKon Magazine.

Annie Shapiro

‘Dinner In March:’ #Pop #Rock #Ballad #Lyrics Inspired By Anna Marie Tendler’s Art


I feel so bad for Ms. Tendler. Because of what happened between me and the late Annie Shapiro in Seoul, I can, in my mind and heart, kind of square the circle of what is going on between she and her ex-husband and his new baby mama. I can see in my mind, in three dimensions what’s going on in this tragedy. Anyway, I’m very inspired by her devastating photography and, hence, here are some lyrics. I don’t know anything about music. From my point of view, this is just a quick hit of creativity that elevates my serotonin. I would also like to note that Prince is an amazing lyricists. I used Nothing Compares 2 U as a guide as to how to write these lyrics and it was TOUGH!

Dinner In March
lyrics by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

hang my head in shame
wondering if I’m being way too lame
dinner is set
time marches on like a drumb
it’s just me now I’m afraid
for this
dinner in march

I eat my dinner alone now
at any time of day
I can start it at noon
and zoom right through
or day drink myself into
a state of disgrace

while the wine flows I whine
to myself about what could have been
was I good enough (for you)
was I too good (for you)
how could I have changed it all
for the better, for the better

(bridge)
april will come
you’ll be by my side
or not
I’m going to have to let it slide
while I eat my dinner in march alone

dinner in march
dinner in march
dinner in march
dinner in march
dinner in march

I’m Beginning To Believe Anna Marie Tendler Didn’t Revenge Fuck Timothee Chalamet


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

While I would be all “you go girl” snap snap snap if she did, I’m beginning to think the blind item suggesting Anna Marie Tendler revenge fucked Timothée Chalamet is a combination of fan service and media mind fuck.

The reason why I think is, it just seems a little bit too on the nose for this tale of star crossed lovers. It seems like just the thing for Tendler Stans to get all worked up about on Tik-Tok. It’s a revenge fantasy for girls like this:

Or not. Maybe I’m wrong.

But I also went through — in a very, very small fashion — a similar high profile breakup (with Annie Shapiro in Seoul) and we were very very vicious to each other within the expat community. It’s easy to imagine her allies planting such a blind item knowing that John Mulaney would see it and it would tear him up.

Again, I’m probably wrong.

The only reason why I keep writing about this is the United States is careening towards a potential autocracy or civil war and, lulz, this is a teeny-tiny bit less weighty than that clusterfuck.

Holy Shit, Anna Marie Tendler, Have I Got An Album For You: Kacey Musgraves’ ‘Star-Crossed’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Despite what the hysterical haters on Twitter might think — I’m actually a very empathetic person, maybe to a fault. Something about the art that  Anna Marie Tendler is generating from her grief over divorce to John Mulaney is tearing me up big time.

So, I kind of have all of that on the brain.

I’m a big Kacey Musgraves’ fan and there I was, listening to her latest album, “star-crossed” when it occurred to me the whole thing is about her recent divorce to Ruston Kelly. Who, I just learned, at one point in 2020 when this album was likely being produced, was hanging out with Olivia Munn! This whole thing is getting kind of surreal, the more I learn about it.

I think it’s safe to say that it’s highly unlikely that Ms. Tendler is unware of Ms. Musgraves’ latest creative effort.

Ode To Anna Marie Tendler: ‘A Constant Companion’ — #Lyrics To A Breakup Song

I know absolutely nothing about music, but I can write. Or, at least, I like to think I can. So, I saw this picture of Anna Marie Tendler and was inspired to write lyrics from it. Or, at least, a poem that’s meant to be sung to music. But I only wrote this in about five minutes, so someone who actually knows what they’re doing would have to do something with it. But it’s inspired by Damien Rice’s The Blower’s Daughter. That’s the vibe I’m looking for with it.

A Constant Companion
lyrics by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

it was all an act
and that’s a fact
our love is gone
and will never come back
but for a while you were a
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion

I used to adore you
now you’re gone with a roar
never to return as it is foretold
but what can I say that hasn’t been said
a thousand times in my head
you were

a constant companion
by my side
by my side
now the darkness has taken your place
I live in disgrace
with another
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion

(bridge)
I’m alone with my fears
alone with my nightmares
I hold my hands late at night
thinking it’s you by my side
but my fingers I feel are my own

I can’t forget that you once were my
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant companion
constant
companion
constant
companion

My Heart Breaks For Anna Marie Tendler


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Oh boy. Talk about shots fired. While I’ve made my thoughts clear that I’m Team Oulaney, I’m not a heartless monster — Anna Marie Tendler’s Instagram account is tearing me up.

I don’t know what to make of it all. A divorce is always heartbreaking and messy and this one is no different. It’s one of those things where you could pick either side and have a very valid argument, which is what makes the whole thing so rough.

But I have to give Ms. Tendler credit — she’s an amazing artist. The above photo explains all we need to know about her break up from her point of view. It’s just devastating.

So, I totally validate her grief on this issue. And I hope nothing I’ve written seems to indicate I think her ex and his new baby mamma are in the clear, they’re not. I’m more annoyed with people being way too invested in this whole messy, messy situation than the specifics of what happened.

There’s enough hurt to go around, if you will.

Anyway. In the end, I think most of the “parasocial” investment that you see on Tik-Tok comes from younger women in Brooklyn who saw John Mulaney as aspirational — he was the type of guy they wanted. When it turned out he did not fit the romantic narrative they had in their heads…they were heart broken.

And I’m not picking on them for that, either. Just describing what I think may have happened. In fact, the level of misogyny I’ve seen thrown at Olivia Munn for this particular situation is really aggravating.

I have not seen any indication that she actively broke up Mulaney’s marriage. They were already on the rocks — apparently — and Munn just took advantage of what was going on.

Anyway. What do I know.

Woke ‘Oulaney’ Discourse Is The Worst Discourse


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

When it comes to often absurd discourse on the John Mulaney and Olivia Munn relationship, I’m firmly on team Oulaney. The core of the very dumb hot takes on this particular messy situation is apparently twofold, if what I’m seeing on Tik-Tok is accurate.

Leave Oulaney Alone!

One is, a lot of women who bought into Mulvaney’s Tiger Beat persona feel betrayed and use the proxy of his wife to express their outrage. They were invested in Mulvaney as a “good boy” that they felt they could bring home to mom. He didn’t want kids, sure, but he and his wife had their dog Petunia and that was good enough for them.

Meanwhile, the other thing that makes the parasocial people on Tik-Tok angry is, well, Oliva Munn. They don’t like that she wrote a book that was, well, the type of book you could imagine Olivia Munn writing. I remember her from The Man Show and she wasn’t, exactly, uhhhh….woke? The thing that made her a star, in fact, you could say started her whole career, was the episode of The Man Show where she struggled to eat a hotdog tied to a string above her head. (I think that’s what was going on.)

She’s kind of the type of woman that is “just one of the guys” but also is probably banging the best looking Alpha Male in that group.

And here is the point where I kind of hit a brick wall in my response to all of this. Because of how touchy woke people on Tik-Tok are, it’s so problomatic to comment on the surreal discourse about Team Oulaney that I honestly don’t know what to say.

I definitely validate the woke discourse. But I also think if those two crazy kids are happy, who are we to judge? Munn’s thing is being hypersexual and outrageous in a heteronormative fashion. That’s her thing. And that “thing” apparently does a number on the minds of some Tik-Tok users who think Munn is some sort of evil homewrecker who “stole” their Tiger Beat idol from his wife.

I find that argument dubious. Yes, she was probably more aggressive towards Mulaney than maybe they would like, but he was going through some things with his wife and she really, really dug him. That, as far as I’m concerned, is enough.

But I definitely think we can learn a lot about the excess of “woke” culture by mulling the arguments of people angry at Oulaney on Tik-Tok. It’s all very interesting….and a tad surreal.