I have to give Tik-Tok credit – it really is a great way to discover new music. I hate that. But the latest song I’ve discovered via it is from Cheese People — “Wake Up.”
It’s very short — barely over a minute long. But it’s probably the best song I’ve heard all year so far. It’s just the type of post-post-post punk song we need at the moment. In its few minutes, it even has time to throw in a very The Prodigy-influenced wall of noise.
Anyway, in an ideal world, the Tik-Tok whipperstappers would know good music when they heard it and we would find ourselves with a New Sound, which I call Rona Rock.
But…ugh, I just doubt that’s ever going to happen. Or, if it does, it will happen out of the blue when we least expect it. For the time being, we’re stuck with shitty music being pop.
It’s comical how useless writing these lyrics is. But I honestly do enjoy writing “a poem meant to be sung” really fast. It’s a pleasant little distraction. This one is about the need for Taylor Swift to be a bit more…saucy with her public persona. Enjoy.
Come Play, Tay lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner please give credit if you produce or perform
the water’s warm of that I have proof don’t worry if you get wet we’ll just laugh out loud you’re a sweet as can be never been kissed, it seems you need to come play enjoy the sun and play
come play, Tay-Tay come play, Tay-Tay we’re lying around in the sun come play, Tay-Tay maybe give us a shout
we know you have it in you we’ve seen the pictures it’s all true in our hearts it’s real it’s all real that you’re friends are ready to bop about why don’t you come play, Tay?
come play, Tay-Tay come play, Tay-Tay we’re lying around in the sun come play, Tay-Tay maybe give us a shout
(bridge) but you know your roll stay in your hole you’re as successful as can be no need to listen to a fool like me, like me
come play, Tay-Tay come play, Tay-Tay we’re lying around in the sun come play, Tay-Tay maybe give us a shout
I’m in the mood to have the crack-pipe hit of creativity that comes from writing pop song lyrics that will never be preformed. It helps I’m feeling kind of lit at the moment. Cheers!
Red Flag lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner please give credit if you produce or perform
they say I’m covered in flags they’re all red they deem but there’s one they whine one one they harp on and that’s
day drinking (it’s a red flag) day drinking (it’s a red flag) don’t wanna datecha just wanna hatecha for your red flag red flag red flag
who am I to say if they’re right or wrong as long as I get laid then it’s all a lulz cause I know in my heart I’m the kinda person who won’t fretcha even when I’m
day drinking (it’s a red flag) day drinking (it’s a red flag) don’t wanna datecha just wanna hatecha for your red flag red flag red flag
(bridge) one day when I’m sober my flag will be green people will deem me suitable to roll with but until then I’m doomed just to wave my red flag red flag red flag
day drinking (it’s a red flag) day drinking (it’s a red flag) don’t wanna datecha just wanna hatecha for your red flag red flag red flag
I only write this because I’m listening to Tay-Tay this afternoon and I’m growing very fucking frustrated. Tay-Tay is pop music’s Trump when it comes to sucking up to the base. Her lyrics, however well written, are like Fat Monica saying “your softness” when trying to talk dirty.
Don’t hurt’em Tay-Tay.
I know I’m never going to get a Tay-Tay cover of WAP, but she’s a grown woman. She’s had sex, right? Why not, I don’t know, have a one night stand with Miley Cyrus to get some inspiration. Something, anything, to spice up her music.
She’s going to be the Bob Hope of pop music the way things are going. She’s just…warm milk on a creative level. She’s comfort food for women who are going to grow up to have a lot of cats, drink a lot of wine and think COVID19 can be cure with essential oils.
It’s all very frustrating.
But, I’m well aware that I’m not her audience at this point. And, yet, the case could be made that with Olivia Rodrigo coming on strong from behind being, like a normal human being — even at 18 — that there may come a point when Tay-Tay beings to feel a bit more frisky than she does at the moment.
Then she’ll be too old and no one will care.
And, yet, she’s very successful and will probably have a 30 year career. I’m — at the moment — just an anonymous loser in the middle of nowhere.
Oh, Tay-Tay. Everyone once in a while, I’ll get into a Taylor Swift kick and listen to a few of her songs on repeat. She’s a great performer and artist and, in general, I really like her more pop stuff.
Why fix what’s not broken?
And then….I accidently listen to one of her “fan service” songs and I violently roll my eyes. OH, COME ON, Tay, Tay, you can do better than that. It’s so annoying that Ms. Swift has decided to never challenge herself, never take a risk, never work outside her (very popular and profitable) comfort zone.
It all feels like a huge missed opportunity.
Imagine if Tay-Tay decided to work with a hip-hop or rock producer and came out with her take on Nelly Furtado’s “Loose” album. Or even maybe do very Garbage-influenced album? Both of those would be really cool and potentially significantly broaden her already huge popularity. I would even settle for her to work with Chvrches in some way. Something, anything so she did something a bit more interesting that fan service for nearly-middle aged women who think “getting drunk” is a big deal.
But, I’m not her audience. She’s doing really well doing what she’s doing and there’s no need for her to change.
I do wonder, however, what happens when she wakes up one morning 10 years from now and realizes she’s about to have her “last fuckable evening” in the eyes of Hollywood producers. Will she freak out and record a sexxy rock album out of desperation, or will she just roll over and go back to sleep?
I think we all know the answer to that one.
So, as such, Tay-Tay will remain someone who is hugely popular on a both a creative and artistic level…and yet leaves us feeling as though we’re missing out on what could have been.
While everyone is busy clutching their pearls that a gorgeous bombshell like Olivia Rodrigo might wear a stunning dress at just 18, they’re all missing the point: that girl wants to star in Hollywood movies.
The reason why I say this — to what event did she wear a dress that was sure to catch a significant amount of attention? The opening of the Academy Museum. So, spare me all your anguish over how reveling the dress was. Ms. Rodrigo knew what she was doing.
The Dress had a number of purposes. One was to just catch people’s attention. Another was to suggest, in a meta-way, that she is a grown up now and prepared to perform adult roles in major Hollywood movies. She probably is well aware that Dua Lipa is set to start in a major movie soon and she wants to be nipping at her heels, careerwise.
At the risk of being a dirty old man, I would like to take a moment to defend Olivia Rodrigo wearing a pretty stunning dress at the recent opening of the Academy Museum. (I know, I know, what else am I going to say?)
The argument is, she’s just barely 18 and, as such, for her to wear such a dress is for her, by definition, to be unduly sexualize. I validate that argument, and, yet, I have to take issue with it. Your typical fashion model walking the runways is somewhere in the 14-17 age range and some of the clothes they wear are eye-popping.
Holy cow, Olivia Rodrigo! / Internet image.
The dress in question is gorgeous as is she and given she is 18 and can pull it off, I say go for it. She’s gorgeous enough that she could easily walk the catwalk and, as such, fall within the context of wearing provocative clothing for her age. If anything, I would be more concern about brunette-loving Pete Davidson swooping in and dating her more than I would how provocative the dress is.
Or, put another way, from a photographic standpoint, the pictures I’ve seen of her in that dress are incredible. I say this as someone is regularly rattled by how underage Millie Bobby Brown really is unduly sexualized for her age and, by the way, what’s up with her and Drake?
Again, I don’t mean to come off as a dirty old man. But, I guess, in the eyes of some, I, by definition, am.
Maybe it’s because it’s a song-and-dance app, but I’ve seen a lot of disco-themed dancing on Tik-Tok of late. I generally fucking hate most disco because I’m more of a dance pop rock person. I like at least a bit of edge to what I listen — or dance — to. I’m well aware of the meta-social-gender aspect of how great and wonderful the Age of Disco was because the patriarchy was slayed and everyone was free to be gay and do coke off a twink’s ass.
Ok, I get it. And that’s a valid argument –I still fucking hate most disco.
I want music that’s got a beat and you can dance to it — but of the pop rock variety. We’ve had almost 20 years of shitty music that inhabits a vague space known as “Adult Contemporary.” It’s bland, corporate and non-threatening. And, yet, oddly enough, in just the last few years, it’s clear that a number of huge artists are hot on the trail of The New Sound.
For instance, Miley Cyrus keeps covering old rock and New Wave chestnuts as if she knows what she wants to sing — but she can’t find it in modern music. Her latest album is soooo close to what I imagine Rona Rock, the New Sound, would be like.
Meanwhile, Olivia Rodrigo is doing something similar. Her debut album has a lot of wink and nod references to New Wave music. And, yet, it’s still a pretty safe album. It’s pretty much just a pop album full of songs that could be safely played next to an Ariana Grande song on existing Top 40 radio.
It’s Chvrches’ “Screen Violence” album that is exactly what I’ve been looking for. It’s an album that is essentially a throwback to the good old days of dance pop rock by way of Chvrches synth stylings.
More of this!
But the point is — all I would need is the first 10 seconds of “How Not To Drown” and I would play it at Nori in Seoul on a Friday night in late 2006. (Another song from that album, “Nightmares” is a banger, too.) And I think if Miley Cyrus and Olivia Rodrigo swerved in that direction with their next albums that it would be a two-fer: old farts like me would love and the youngins who know jackshit about music produced before cellphones would also sit up an take notice.
Just screwing around. I feel inspired by the names of Anna Marie Tendler’s photos about her breakup. That’s all that’s going on. Lulz, it’s not like anyone cares. And those who do care think I’m a deranged Internet freak crank.
Once Was lyrics by Shelt Garner @sheltgarner Please give credit if you produce or perform
we had dreams for this room it’s sad by true (now) but those dreams are dead ended with a blow to the head (heart) now I spin my time staring into space wondering about a room that once was a room that once was a room that once was
I sigh flick the light off and on wondering where to begin or where to end the light shines into this room this room that once was this room that once was this room that once was but not into my heart I’m doomed for the time being to dwell on how bad things have become in this room that once was
(bridge) things are better I tell my self I’m living in the present having some presence of mind not going to look into the past then I have to confess about
this room that once was this room that once was this room that once was
the world is tatters we’re fighting against catastrophe but we’re too blind to see that everything that matters is slipping away into the sea
I would tell you to scream tell you to fight but we’ve made a decision I’m afraid as a people, as a nation that lulz, nothing matters lulz, nothing matters lulz, nothing matters
so what happens next you ask with baited breath come close and I’ll whisper in your ear everything you hold dear will quiver when those who think they’re right point thair bow at our hearts because lulz, nothing matters lulz, nothing matters lulz, nothing matters
(bridge) everything matters we’re just to afraid to admit that we’re all full of shit sit a spell and let me tell you what I think and what matters to me love is the most important but cruely is the point now what
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