Tag: New York City

Am I Being Delusional To Think I Could Make It In NYC? (Yes, Probably)

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I look back on my life and am sad that I didn’t have the gumption to visit NYC on a regular basis when I was in my 20s. Maybe things would have worked out differently for me. Now, as an Old, I visit NYC every once in a while and I love it. It’s really inspiring and, as an extrovert, I feed of the city’s intense energy. Whenever I go, find myself slipping into a daydream where I live in the city full time and I’m a regular bon vivant.

Me, in LA 2025?

In other words, I’m delusional.

But there’s some context. I’ve found most New Yorker’s have a lot of heart despite being very cold and distant to strangers. The city if full of characters and, being a character myself, I find myself drawn there. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere, as the song goes. I think back to my drunken rampage when I was living in Seoul many moons ago, and a little part of me wistfully wonders if I could pull off similar success on Trantor instead of Terminus, to use an Isaac Asimov reference.

Here’s my thinking — the same dynamic that caused me to become one of the best known expats in South Korea would be at play in New York City. I’m an extreme extrovert and the more I drink, the more extroverted I become. The usual caveats about drunks thinking they’re the funniest person in the room apply, of course.

And, yet, every time I delude myself into thinking this, I realize maybe I have the wrong city in mind. There are plenty of cranks on the streets of New York City that get nowhere in life. New York City is full of larger-than-life, colorful characters who pretty much exist solely to inspire drunk writers like me.

As such, maybe LA is where I should head instead, given the opportunity. The only reason I even suggest this is I’m such a good schmoozer (especially when intoxicated) that I have a hunch that someone, somewhere with a little bit of clout might notice me if I ended up at a cocktail party. As I’ve written before, I’m known to pontificate a lot like Quentin Tarantino in the movie “Sleep With Me.”

But, of course, I’m old. I’m not as cute as I used to be, far from it.

So, I think my best bet is to just keep my head down and keep working on these six novels I’m developing and writing. And, should the opportunity come, look into writing a screenplay or three as well.

Oh, To Be Young In The City

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I hate to inform you that I’m no longer young. As such, even if I get what I want, which is to become a successful novelist / screenwriter / photographer and I turn into one of those insufferable wealthy liberals who can afford Blue Apron meals — I will never get to enjoy my youth in New York City or LA.

The only way I can console myself is by accepting that I did get to have some sort of youthful fun in Seoul a long time ago. That was pretty cool. But I really long to live in either NYC or LA.

I visit NYC every once in a while and I love it. I love it because of its energy and how much it reminds me of Seoul. In Seoul, however, people won’t talk to you because they can’t speak English while in NYC they won’t talk to you because they are too busy and they don’t care.

I think if I ever get a little extra money that my best shot is to go to LA because I’m a good enough schmoozer that I could probably talk myself into a three picture deal just by getting drunk and having a very interesting conversation with a producer.

But there comes a moment when I have to measure those expectations some. Unless I win the fucking lottery — which I suppose is possible — any success I have from this point on will be framed by my age.

I will be an “old person” who “came out of the blue” to be successful. But I can’t help that I’m a late bloomer and always have been. That’s just my lot in life. One thing I do know, however, is that I still have one last hattrick in me. I believe with all my heart that the best is yet to come.

I’m going to surprise a lot of people who think I’m a loser, or a failure or just another Internet crank. I’m going to be bonified, as they say.

While there’s life, there’s hope.

Do New Yorkers Have It In Them To Fuck Shit Up In 2024 – 2025 During The Likely Certification Crisis?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I hate violence. I hate conflict. This is just me wondering out loud if one of my idle “terribly negative” daydreams have any basis in fact. You see, as I’ve written before, there are two places where a Second American Civil War could start. One is California (by simply leaving the Union) and the other is New York City.

Will New Yorkers Do It Again, This Time Against Trump?

As you may know, in the early days of the First American Civil War, New York City dallied with the notion of becoming a Free City as the United States was beginning to tear itself apart. Nothing came of it, but it is enough to make you wonder if something similar might be in the air should a Second American Civil War begin because we don’t know who the fuck POTUS is around late 2024, early 2025.

I’ve already mentioned the scenario I have in mind — at some point after Election Day 2024 and Certification Day 2025, it becomes clear that Steve K. Bannon’s “administrative coup” has worked and even though Trump would otherwise win fair and square, the whole process is so fucking corrupt that we can’t agree on who won the election.

As such, the passions of the day become so much that New Yorkers grow enraged and storm Trump Tower, Fox News, The New York Post and The Wall Street Journal. It would all be very dramatic and historic and would likely cause our incoming ding-dong tyrant Trump to do something complete insane that would cause a number of Blue States to bounce out of the Union in unison.

And, yet, is this really possible?

I don’t think so. I just can’t imagine it would be spontaneous. You would need some sort of leadership and even in New York City — as far as I can tell — there really isn’t much leadership in the anti-MAGA movement.

For the time being, I think my prediction that we’ll just slip peacefully into autocracy is the right one. American democracy is in its twilight and, really, there is so much slack available to the forces of tyranny in the United States that we will all wake up in twenty years and wonder why a huge statue to Trump is being constructed on the Washington Mall.

It definitely seems as though gradually after 2025 the United States is going to become a fascist autocracy and that will be that. Things won’t change all that much at first, but soon enough, just like with the end of Animal Farm, we’ll look back and forth between ourselves and Russia and realize we’re the same animal.

Is New York City Going To Hell In A Handbasket?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This is the kind of story I would write if I won the lottery and had the funds to start a snarky Gawker-like blog. But, alas, I have no money and one listens to me. But it is interesting how there is a growing sense among some that New York City is lurching towards turning into a 1970s shit hole again.

I only visit NYC occasionally and whenever I do, I love the place. I may never be “young in the city,” but it would be pretty great to live there long-term before I drop dead.

From what I can tell, while NYC is definitely going through a transition of sorts, I don’t know if it’s turning in to an Escape From New York hellscape. Things are different from when they were before the pandemic, but they’re not, at least as of yet, THAT bad.

I think it’s a time of wait and see.

It could go either way. But we’re dealing with long term, macro trends. If I was writing for a neo-Gawker, I would talk to NYC experts and to everyday New Yorkers about what they thought.

It would be all very hammy and snarky. But, lulz, nothing matters.

A Curious Event


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I live a very isolated life, in real terms. I’m a loudmouth crank in the middle of nowhere who usually daydreams so much as to be pathetic. So, whenever something, anything out of the ordinary happens — however small — I sit up and take notice.

So, there I was, obsessing over my Webstats as I do constantly throughout the day when I noticed something odd –someone from New York City looked at this Website. What’s more, they came to the site from my Instagram account and apparently may have bookmarked the site.

Here’s what I think may have happened — someone in New York City was interested in me for some reason and they searched my name. The first thing that came up was not this Website, but my Instagram account. From there, they came here.

I’m such a nobody that the idea that anyone from New York City would take the time to do such a thing leaves me scratching my head. I have a lot of dreams, but there’s absolutely no reason for anyone, anywhere to care about me. I often think I could walk off the face of the earth and literally no one would care or notice outside of my immediate family.

As such, I’m left wondering.

Did they notice something I tweeted? That seems to be the most logical explanation. And, yet, if that was the case, they would have come to this site from my Twitter account. They were obviously looking for “Shelton Bumgarner” so, I don’t know.

In the rare occasions that something like this happens, I can never figure out if I should be flattered or alarmed.

But, anyway.

Back to being a nobody.

Vibe Shift: A New Gawker For Generation Tik-Tok



by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The Tik-Tok generation doesn’t really have a blog of its own. I’m old enough to see the progression from Late Night With David Letterman to Spy Magazine to Gawker to….uh…..nothing? And I use Tik-Tok a lot even though I’m an Old and it seem pretty obvious that Tik-Tok is Ground Zero for modern pop culture.

Julia Fox — Tik-Tok icon.

If you believe we’re in the midst of a “vibe shift” then it makes a lot of sense that the new vibe would have its own publication. It’s kind of sad that Gawker is now an undead husk of itself — even though the original version was fucking hateful and nasty before its demise.

Anyway, here’s what I would do. I would start a site that was ostensibly obsessed with Tik-Tok and the pop culture it flings off at an astonishing rate each day. But, I would also produce a lot of really interesting, serious commentary about other topics — politics, what have you. You get The Youngs hooked on this new blog by taking Tik-Tok deadly seriously, then prepare them for the Adult World by presenting them with hot takes on what’s going on in the broader world.

And, if I was involved, I would occasionally throw curve balls involving doing something silly with Julia Fox around New York City or whatever. Or maybe the occasional sexxy snap of this or that celebrity simply to be ornery. The issue is — do anything not to be meh. Not to be boring. The whole reason the blog would exist would be to provoke a response of some sort.

As best I can tell, Generation Tik-Tok doesn’t have its own Gawker at the moment. Of course, there is a risk that, lulz, by definition Generation Tik-Tok doesn’t want it’s own Gawker-like blog and fuck you.

But it is something to think about.

The Thing I’ve Notice About New Yorkers


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I only rarely go to New York City. But every time I go, it is a real opportunity to recharge my creative batteries. Each time I go, however, I notice something about New Yorkers — they have very strong mental narratives about the city.

I say this because I’m something of a small town kook, or as the late Annie Shapiro would put it, I am a “delusional jerk with a good heart.” So, when I go to New York City and get drunk and talk to random people around me, once they get a sense of who I am, they dissociate.

The moment the get the sense that I have even the barest amount of kook in my personality, they not-so-subtly roll their eyes and start to do their taxes in the back of their mind. “Oh, so he’s one of THOSE guys,” they think.

I have to admit that I’ve learned a lot from this. Just going to NYC the few times I have has really toughed me up. I still long to live there one day. But, who knows. Wishes are like elbows and assholes.

The United States Is Careening Towards ‘The Big Ugly’ of Civil War or Revolution


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It definitely seems as though the Republican Party is going to be the dog that finally caught the car. A lot of anti-democratic trends that have been heading towards each other for the last 50 years are finally beginning to pay dividends for the Republican Party.

They’ve corrupted the judiciary. They will stop at nothing to delegitimize any election they don’t win. The list goes on.

As such, it definitely seems as though Trump could very well “win” because of Biden losses from a death of a thousand cuts. A 100,000 already cast votes here. Another 100,000 legitimate votes there. Add to this the Russians never allowing Trump to lose and a Federal judiciary full of young, hack MAGA judges eager to throw the election to Trump, and well, lulz.

The problem for Republicans is while they will “win’ their victory won’t happen in a political vacuum. While there’s a decent chance that any theft of the 2020 election will be just another 2000 — there’s also a good chance we could experience The Big Ugly. There could be significant political violence if Republicans get what they want.

And, yet, that political violence would have to get pretty severe for Republicans not to just lulz the whole thing. They are so completely by their craven desire to have power that Trump probably would see any political violence — even if it was started by his own followers — as an opportunity to invoke the Insurrection Act and take “total control.”

The point is — we’ve officially entered the danger zone. America’s political system is so taunt now because of the pressures of the 2020 Election that virtually anything could set off The Big Ugly.

I still think we need to keep looking at New York City. If Trump obviously steals the election, then before dawn breaks places like Trump Tower and FOX New’s HQ may have been gutted. I’m not advocating that, but just giving you a heads up as to how you might have some sense of how bad things may be about to get.

The Coming Second American Civil War – The Taking Of Trump Tower


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m not advocating any of this. I’m just making an observation about when you should start making serious contingency plans about what you are going to do should the country actually fucking implode.

First of all, there are a lot — a lot — of conditions I simply can’t game out. I have no idea if the average American can overcome their general political apathy to take matters into their own hands if it becomes absolutely clear that House Trump is, in fact, going to take “total control” as Roger Stones suggest they do.

It’s very easy to assume some sort of muddle punt of Trump’s plans that leave him in power, but in such a way that we continue to gradually drift towards a Russian-style managed democracy rather peacefully. The reason why I say this is, the harder it is for Trump to stay in power, the more radical he is likely to grow.

As such, if it really gets all that brazen post-election, there’s one place I could see serving as the fire shot of any sort of civil war or revolution — Trump Tower in NYC. I say this because of what it is — Trump’s Rosebud. What better way to get the point across than for an angry mob of New Yorkers to storm Trump Tower and gut it — maybe setting it on fire. This would not be a value free event — if things had gotten that bad by that point, then, well, grab your bugout bag and head for safety.

Given how completely out of character such behavior would be for Americans, I would suggest that any “Taking of Trump Tower” might be looked upon in hindsight as something akin to the Storming of The Bastille. Nothing good would come of it in the short term because it’s just the type of thing that would cause a rapid consolidation of Blue and Red States in the sense that massive number of political refugees might begin to go from one side to the other before the country finally imploded.

One thing I continue to struggle with is how any of this is possible. How is it that an otherwise stable nation like the United States may very well, fucking implode because of one shitty president. What the fuck is wrong with us? What am I missing?

Anyway, I’m not advocating this. Please don’t do this. Peaceful protests are very powerful with enough numbers. I hate violence. I’m a man of peace. A man of ideas. But I’m also not brain dead.

Escape To New York — Imagining Life In ‘Revolutionary’ NYC


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’ve decided that if need be, I’m going to head north towards NYC in the event of the advent of a Second American Civil War. There are some personal and practical obstacles to me doing this, but my general intention is to head that way at some point with the other thousands of political refugees that likely would exist by that point.

Me, fall 2021?

One my frequent refrains is I know myself well enough to know that if you put me anywhere in the five boroughs with access to the subway, I would likely make a name for myself one way or another. I’m too much of an extrovert and too driven not to make myself noticed. I’m well aware that this makes me sound both “delusional and stupid” given that I’ve not done anything for much of the last decade and — relative to the metrics of the average New Yorker, I’m just a big old rando loser.

And, yet, there’s a case to be made that if things have grown so absolutely bad in the United States that I become a political refugee that the “old ways” would have collapsed and a person like me might have a chance to rise to the occasion of an unexpected destiny.

The only reason why I even bring this up is I thought it would be interesting to imagine what life in a near future, “revolutionary” New York City might be. I’ve only been to NYC a few times and I love it. I used to live in Seoul and the two cities are very similar. In Seoul people won’t talk to you because they can’t speak English. In NYC people won’t speak to you because they don’t give a shit. But form follows function and my reaction to that is very similar — I thrive. What’s amusing is I also know that I probably would prosper more in LA because it’s a town based on storytelling and people are more willing to give a dumbass writer like me a chance because you never can tell.

Anyway, if things have grown so absolutely dire that I — and thousands of others — have been forced out of home for political reasons — I think the biggest difference would be how militarized the city would have become. Also, some of the locations of major conservative media outlets would have been gutted by that point as well.

One interesting thing would be the fate of The New York Times. The case could be made that on an institutional level, The Old Gray Lady has been on the wrong side of history. It’s at least possible that the NYT might have been destroyed — or radically re-imagined — because of the same forces that drove FOX News, The Wall Street Journal and The New York Post out of the city.

On a personal level, I wonder what I might be able to cook up if I was crashed on someone’s couch in, say, Staten Island. I’d be organizing something, that’s for sure. I learned a lot from running ROKon Magazine in Seoul and a lot of the reason why I haven’t been able to exploit that skillset is the fall of ROKon Magazine left me emotionally hobbled and I simply had no motivation for a long, long time.

Anyway, no one listens to me and no one cares. And if they do, they usually — with good reason –dismiss me as a fool. But, as the song goes, you never can tell.