Category: Media

The Third Draft Of My First Novel May Be Too Long

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

All systems are go with this third draft, but for one thing — the first half of the novel may just be too long. If you just count scenes, it’s possible that I will be coming in at about 160,000 total words for the entire story and that’s just way, way, too long — that’s a Stieg Larsson length novel.

Stieg Larsson novels, like The Girl With Dragon Tattoo are known to be a bit long.

This will be my first novel and I’m shooting for about, at most 140,000 words. And, really, it should be 100,000 words. I just don’t know what I’m going to do. I have been working on this novel for way, way, way too long and it’s time to wrap things up.

I have three major fears going forward with this novel — someone will steal a creative march on me, AI will render all human art moot and The Fourth Turning will cause the collapse of civilization. Those possibilities are making me feel rather nervous and prompting me to move forward as fast as possible.

But, in a sense, because all of those fear are out of my control, all I can do is just sprint. For personal reasons, I’m going to put a little bit of a pause on writing until this Saturday afternoon and I hope to use the free time to think a lot and to cool down creatively — I was running hot a little bit.

My heroine looks like Nathalie Emmanuel as I write her.

I think once this little pause is over that I will move a lot faster. I do, however, have to accept that I probably need a backup plan. I need a back up novel that I can develop and write in case something out of my control happens and makes the main novel moot.

Hopefully, of course, that won’t happen.

Everything Is So Dumb (AI Generated Art Edition)

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I’ve said before, I get that people are upset that AI generated art won’t give them historically accurate depictions — but for one thing: fucking Nazis.


Do we really want a future where members of the Patriot Front can pump out millions of images to use as Nazi propaganda? Are Tech Bros really so willfully oblivious that they don’t see the harm in something like that happening? Some of them have gotten really, really worked up about there being ANY guardrails for AI.

It really kind of blows my mind.

Anyway, fuck that, fuck them and fuck Nazis.

The Final Countdown (For The First Act Of The Third Draft)

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As far as the first act of the novel goes, I’m just about to the point where there — hopefully – won’t be too much change on a structural basis. As such, that will really aid in editing and writing the rest of it out.

My novel is meant to be a homage to Stieg Larsson’s Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

Once I reach the second act, then things will slow down again because even though I know, in general terms, what the story is, I’m far from locking things down. But the general “Fun & Games” part of story — the first half of the second act — is, in general terms pretty stabilized.

One structural problem I have is the first half of the novel may be significantly longer than the second half. I don’t quite know what to do about that. And I’ve had at least one Reader suggest that my chapters are too long. While I understand where the person is coming from, they were the only person to complain about the length of the first chapter and Stieg Larsson’s chapters were about the same length — if not longer — than what I showed them.

And, really, shit to do with chapters is something that can be figured out in post-sale, post-production.

I just need to get the story done. And the word count is something I really worry about at the moment. I hope that I can come in at no more than 140,000 words — the length of The Girl on The Train — but I fear it will be closer to 160,000 words, which would be about the length of a Larsson novel.

My heroine looks like Nathalie Emmanuel as I write her.

But, in general, I’m very pleased with what I’ve come up with. One concern is how much sexxy time there is in the first act, so I’ve decided to embrace the issue by suggesting my heroine is a sex addict. So, rather than, being coy about that particular element of the story, I hope readers will simply accept — “Oh, ok, I should accept a lot of sex in this novel.”

The whole second half of this novel is in a great deal of flux. Especially in regards to the third act — I have only the vaguest idea of what is going to happen.

But, in general, things are moving a lot faster than they have been. I have to admit that I’m kind of embarrassed by how fucking long it’s taken me to get to this point. But, I’ve been doing all of this in a vacuum and that slowed me down a great deal.

It Definitely *Seems* Like We’re Doomed As Of Late February 2024

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I keep saying, I can’t predict the future — no one can. But boy, oh boy, does it seem like we’re careening towards a very, very dark future. Because of various demographic and economic trends that are warping our political system, it seems as though we’re either going to turn into a MAGA-themed Russian autocracy in 2025, or we’re going to collapse into civil war / revolution starting in late 2024, early 2025.

In short — we’re fuuuuuuuucked.

And all because of vibes. The greatest nation in the world is going to either give up its democratic birthright or collapse into anarchy…because of vibes. Now, obviously, those “vibes” are being generated by a number of more serious issues — racism and misogyny being at the top of the list.

But there just doesn’t seem like there’s much we can do. Even if we defeat Trump, he could very well demand a National Divorce to stop himself from going to prison. And Biden is so old that….ugh. I just don’t want to think about some of the crazier, darker potential scenarios.

And let me remind you — it could be that somehow, someway we’ll muddle through our problems and somehow Trump will both lose and not start a civil war. Some Black Swan event could happen that make all my dystopian hellscape scenarios moot.

So, who knows.

But now, as of late February 2024 — we’re fucked.

What Is It With The AI Art Community Wanting To Pump Out Nazi Propaganda?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Ok, I understand the complaints of people like Marc Andreessen that AI image generation can come across as a little too “woke” for its own good. As is seen here:


But the strange thing about it all is inevitably they ask AI to generate Nazi imagery and they get all butt hurt when it won’t do it to for them. I find this very, very strange.

You’re not putting Nazis in a memory hole by simply refusing to generate what would inevitably become Nazi propaganda. Just because you want the absolute right for AI to generate “unwoke” photorealistic historical pictures, doesn’t mean that the Patriot Front or whomever won’t jump at the chance to pump out millions upon millions of Nazi propaganda photos.

And where do you stop?

Do you want the right to prompt an AI to show you “a proud SS officer leading a child to the gas chambers?” It sure does sound like that’s what you want when you complain that you can’t get Nazis generated by AI.

And when you call someone on this desire, they either get really mad or just punt the issue and say, “it brings up a lot of tough questions.” No, fuck you, you fucking fascist Nazi. Ugh.

I fucking hate Nazis.

What The Fuck Are We Going To Do If Trump Wins Re-Election?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are looking pretty dark if Trump wins a second term late this year. We have to accept that MAGA is National Socialism. In general, I think if Trump wins in the fall we’ll slip peacefully into a Russian-style autocracy — but for one thing: Trump is a lazy idiot.

As such, any other Republican in his position would be able to slowly — and peacefully — transition the country into a full blown autocratic state without much fuss. And, yet, Trump is SO stupid and SO lazy and SUCH a fucking ding-dong that there’s a good chance he will thrash around in 2025 to the point that Something Happens.

What that “something” might be, I don’t know.


There are a wide-range of different “things” that might happen if Trump not only goes full tyrant but thrashes around to the point that even Traditionalists sit up and take notice. It seems to me that, at a minimum, about 1 million smug, wealthy Twitter liberals will flee the country the moment it’s clear Trump has won re-election.

Meanwhile, once he’s actually in office, if the House is Democratic, he could very well be impeached almost immediately for, well, being a tyrant. I used to think we might see a General or Women’s Strike at that point in a collective effort to persuade the Senate to convict…but….I dunno. I think our best bet would be that the U.S. Military might depose Trump using the 14th Amendment as cover.

Not that I want that to happen. Not only do I hate violence, but if Trump was deposed, that would cause Red States to leave the Union and civil war would break out. Ugh.

So. I don’t know. I really don’t know what the fuck will happen if Trump is re-elected. I do believe, however, that late 2024, early 2025 could be something akin to “The Fourth Turning” in the sense that it will be a massive fucking clusterfuck.

I Need To Reimagine The Third Act Of The Third Draft of My Mystery-Thriller Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now that things are beginning to click as to how to tell this mystery-thriller story the way I want to, I have to address a significant problem facing me — I have to totally rework the third act of the novel.

Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander showing off her dragon tattoo.

My vision is this — there’s an element of what seems to be New Age spirituality in the novel that turns out to have a very practical — if scifi — solution. I love scifi and as such I just can’t help myself. I like the idea that I kind of fuck with the audiences’ mind a little bit until there’s an “ah-ha!” moment in the third act.

I think what I’m going to do is just think of something, anything to finish the third draft of the novel then take a deep breath and weigh what the final third act of the novel will be when I tinker with things for the fourth — and final — draft.

My heroine looks like Nathalie Emmanuel as I write her.

The fourth draft is going to be the same as the third draft, only edited for clarity of consistency. (Outside of what changes I might make in the third act.) There is also a chance that in the fourth draft I could either cut the story into to (if it’s too long) or simply shave off a 10,000 or 20,000 words if absolutely necessary to get it published.

But I’ve already added 20,000+ words to the beginning to give the audience A LOT more context and character development — and a lot more sex. So much more sex that I’ve taken out some of the sex from the first part of the second act.

I still have a sex scene in the second half of the second act that one beta reader called “gratuitous.” Making it so it’s NOT “gratuitous” is going to be something that is going to require a lot of thought. But I believe in myself. I can do it.

I Have A Pretty Great Novel On My Hands

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have very, very high standards for myself when it comes to storytelling. To the point that it’s very, very difficult for me to consume anyone else’s storytelling if it doesn’t meet what I believe is the quality worth my consumption. I’ve just started watching House of Cards and it is one of the few TV shows that actually DOES meet what I think is the “right way” to tell a story.

My heroine looks like Nathalie Emmanuel as I write her.

It joins TV shows like Mad Men, 30 Rock, Mare of Easttown and Fleabag as TV shows that linger in my mind as I struggle to write my novel.

Having said all that, I’ve finally reached a point in the development and writing of the third draft of this novel where I feel I’m coming into my own. This novel is really fast paced and accessible. While there are some obvious issues — it’s still not dark enough and there’s probably too much sex in the first act — the actual characters and what their motivations are really strong, interesting and intriguing.

Now, for me to sprint to the end of the first act, beginning of the second act which was the first act of the second draft of the novel. I’ve been re-writing a lot of the novel as I’ve transition from the second to third drafts and that has slowed me down.

But I’ve gamed out the entirety of the fourth chapter of the third draft and I think I’m going to cool it for about a day so I can throw myself into writing it all as quickly as I can with fresh eyes. I don’t want to “run hot” and overheat and over extend myself.

In general, however, this novel is beginning to shape up in a way that I feel I won’t embarrass myself when I try to query it later this year.

A lot is going to depend on luck now, I think. Given my vision for the total of six novels in this project if ding-dong Trump becomes POTUS again and we turn into an autocracy, then, lulz, I think this is going to be a very successful series of novels.

Putin Killed Navalny Because Of Ding-Dong Trump

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I fear there may be a direct connection between Trump’s recent political sucking of Putin’s cock in relation to NATO’s future and tragic murder of Alexei Navalny.

It would make a lot of sense if that was the case, at least.

Trump is making it very clear that he is going to allow the collapse of the West if he’s re-elected and, as such, Putin decided to lulz it and get rid of Navalny as a taste of what is going to happen in 2025 if Trump wins.

Things are going to get pretty dark, I fear, if Trump wins. Very very dark. And the side effects of Trump winning could be far worse than any of us could possibly imagine — like about 1 billion people dying in something akin to WW3. If NATO collapses and Russia takes, say, the Baltic states, then, yikes, all bets are off as to the state of simmering conflicts around the globe that have only been checked by the US keeping an eye on them

So. I guess I hope Trump doesn’t win?

LA or Bust: I’m A Good Schmoozer

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

If, for some reason, my otherwise ho-hum, boring — and broke ass — life ever gets upended in some, fun, cool way, I will have one advantage despite being old as fuck: I’m a good schmoozer.

Me at a Hollywood party in 2028.

And now that I’ve vowed to be sober (to the best of my ability) I might even be able to use that element of my personality without coming across as just a drunk crank. The one place I could see me using my schmoozing ability to the best purpose would be in LA.

But a LOT would have to change in my life for me to get anywhere near LA. I would need a lot more money than I have at the moment. So, it’s at least possible that if I manage to sell the mystery-thriller I’m working on then I might be a position to travel to LA and schmooze my way into a three picture deal.

That at the moment is, obviously, very delusional.

And, yet, lulz, most of us wouldn’t be alive without a bit of delusional now and again, now would we?

But there is a major obstacle to me finding any success schmooze — I’m just too old. So, in a sense, what might happen is, I go to a cocktail party in LA, become the center of attention….and then nothing. I’m just not young and cute anymore.

I really need to accept this reality. I can’t keep pretending that I’m still in my 20s or 30s. People will judge me a far more differently than that now that I’m in my 50s.

Ugh.