Tag: I Love Hollywood

Still Dreading Querying My Novel & ‘Comping’ It

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m something of a long-term, strategic thinker so even though I’ve not finished my first novel, I find myself dwelling how hard it will be to query it. My biggest concern is of course, that any literary agent who does “due diligence” on me is going to be aghast at how often I’ve gotten drunk and ranted about things that don’t quite jib with the mainstream media narrative.

My dream is to write a novel a popular as Stieg Larsson’s “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.”

Another big concern of mine is how I’m going to “comp” this novel, given that I don’t actually read that much fiction! I just keep re-reading Stieg Larsson’s The Girl Who Played With Fire and when you comp a novel in your query letter, you’re SUPPOSED to comp — or compare — it to something a little bit more modern.

Ugh.

As such, I’ve forced myself to buy some novels that AI have told me are similar to Larsson’s work. I suppose I could read some of the more modern faux Larsson novels, but they’re so fucking bad. Though there is the most recent new one that has, in its own way, some of the same elements of my novel, so I might buy THAT one and use it as a comp to my novel.

I hope I’m not too bonkers to be a successful novelist.

Maybe.

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty good about where things stand. Now, I just hope the country I love so much doesn’t collapse into chaos because of “vibes.”

Things Are Getting Really Good With The Third Draft Of My First Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

This afternoon, I plan to plunge back into editing and rewriting (as necessary) the first three chapters of the third draft of my first novel. I also hope to do some reading and watching of some TV / movies. I’m really, really pleased with what I’ve managed to come up with for this third draft.

I dream to have a level of success equal to “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.”

The issue is, of course, that I need hurry the fuck up. I can’t just keep screwing around. Any number of things could happen in the next few days and weeks that totally throw everything up in the air or, at a minimum, dramatically change the context of this project.

But, for the time being, all systems are go.

I’ve given myself a few days of pause to recalibrate things and now I’m ready to go again. I hope to wrap up the first act of this novel ASAP and get into the second act.

There remains the issue of word count. At the moment, I have a first act that is equal to the first half of the second act — which, itself, is really long. So, it’s possible that, at least on a scene basis, that I’m going to have a really long first half and the second half will be a lot shorter — which, I hope, means it will read faster.

I continue to do all of this blind — I have no idea if I’m going it right or not. I may have a “reader” of sorts now — an older man who is at my dad’s nursing home — but I don’t know yet. Just having someone to read the novel as a second pair of eyes will be great.

But I have been disappointed so often that, lulz, I just don’t know.

I Think About Women Readers A Lot As I Write This Novel

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I do not purport to have any special insight into the female mind, but I do, at least, try to cater to that segment of the reading audience as I write this novel. I do this especially given the edgy, loaded nature of the novel.

I hope to write a novel that is as accessible as The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

It’s not every day that your heroine is a part-time stripper.

Now, of course, if I was, say a transgender women writing this type of novel, then I probably be hailed as the second coming of Jesus Christ. But, alas, I’m just a smelly CIS white male — a middle aged one at that! — and, as such, slings and arrows and all that.

I have a vision for this novel and, as such, I’m prepared to take shit for what, of course, will be reduced down to “stripper solves a murder mystery.”

Ugh!

That’s not what’s going on! But no one is going to listen to me. Anything to do with sex and women — especially something out of the ordinary — is the thing that people will focus on. And that doesn’t even begin to address the issue of how Hollywood would market any adaptation of the novel should that miraculous thing somehow happen.

Anyway.

I’m really self conscious about how women readers might react to this novel to a fault. I have a few women “advisers” that help me when I feel a little bit nervous about this or that thing that I might broach in the novel while writing from a female POV.

But, like I said, I can only do so much. I’m a smelly CIS white middle aged male and a vocal minority of the reading audience will dismiss the novel the moment they see what I look like.

Write, Write, Write

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I wrote a great deal this afternoon wasted as fuck. I realize that is not exactly the greatest writing philosophy, so I need to kind of chill out on that front. But this novel is getting really, really good.

I’m very pleased with what I’ve managed to come up with.

But there is one issue — I’ve kind of forked the novel AGAIN. The novel is getting a lot better, but now that it’s forked, I can’t just go through an edit things. I’m going to have to tinker and rewrite and restructure things, which will force me to slow down a great deal.

Which, of course, sucks.

I’m trying to speed through things as quickly as possible and all this fucking forking isn’t going to get me to my goal of finishing the third draft by April. I just don’t know what to tell you — I’m trying to make this novel as quickly as possible but it’s just one of those things.

I hate to admit it, but I’ve felt a lot more creative drunk.

As I’ve Said Before, If This Novel Is A Success, Hollywood Actresses Are Going To Dig It

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Hollywood actresses are a curious bunch. While there’s no easy equation that explains all of their psychology, in general — especially as they get older — such actresses love to run around emotionally and psychologically naked using their roles.

You do you, baby.

This causes “good girls” like Natalie Portman to play a stripper in Closer. This leads some actresses who are probably bi-sexual to play many, many lesbian roles where they get to pretend to fuck another woman under the guise of “acting!”

In short, a lot of Hollywood actresses are freaks — in a good way. More power to them.

My heroine looks a lot like a younger version of Nicole Scherzinger.

Anyway, I only bring this up because my novel has a number of character in it that I could see actresses loving. My heroine is a really complex woman who would allow them to bounce back and forth between being a professional journalists / publisher and being the owner of a strip club / occasional stripper.

Have I got a role for you!

Meanwhile, I have the “comic relief” character who is wide open sexually and keeps causing trouble for the more “serious” characters by how unwilling she is to abide by the traditional gender power dynamic.

But I am really getting ahead of myself. Way, way ahead of myself. I have to finish the fucking novel first. I’m really, really pleased with how things are going, but I still have to stop fucking DRIFTING towards my goal and actually buckle down and get some work done sooner rather than later.

I Really Need To Think About Women’s Reaction To My Heroine Being A Part-Time Stripper

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

A lot could go wrong with this novel. I definitely fear someone will steal a creative march on me, if for no other reason, I’m just taking too long. But there’s not much I can do about it. Rome wasn’t built in a day and it’s just taking me a lot longer than I thought to get as far as I have.

But what’s interesting to me is the very thing that makes this novel a bit…edgy…could also be what makes it a success. I am WELL AWARE that because of marketing and human nature that this very interesting situation I’ve come up with will probably be boiled down to, “stripper solves a murder mystery.”

Ugh. That’s not at all what’s going on, but, lulz, what can you do.

But I do think that my heroine is beginning to approach Lisbeth Salander levels of interesting. She could very well be something of an icon if I play my cards right. And the thing that I keep being reminded about is how the interplay between my heroine’s “normal” life of owning an alternative weekly and her “alternative life” of owning a strip club / stripping to relax is something I need to lean into if I’m going to introduce the idea in the first place.

That’s what people — especially women willing to humor me by reading the damn novel in the first place — are going to want to see the most of.

The daydream issue of how Hollywood might address this novel occasionally gives me pause for thought. The obvious way to market the movie is something along the line of the old Pam Anderson movie “Barbwire.”

Double ugh.

The point of the story is not the T&A element of the story, but that by heroine is a woman who has sexual agency and self confidence enough that she is able to be a stripper to relax without giving it much thought.

It’s everyone else — especially horny men — who are the problem.

Anyway, I continue to work my way through the first act of the third draft AGAIN. Hopefully, this time, I will still have momentum enough to make my way through the second and third acts when the time comes.

Ok, I Get It, Emma Stone

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

In an effort to expose myself to some creativity, I went to see “Poor Things.” Or, should I say, I TRIED to see the movie. I left after a few minutes because it was just not very entertaining to me.

Or, put it another way, the moment I realized what was going on with the movie, I bounced. Rather than tell a story that was actually engaging, the movie was Oscar bait for Emma Stone. Also, I understood why (apparently) there’s so much T&A in the movie — the movie is obviously a passion project for Stone and she felt that the only way to get the movie produced was to get nekkid so people would go specifically to see her T&A.

This. Happens. All. The. Time. In. Hollywood.

Especially with older actresses.

The movie was fine, for what it was, but the moment I had the meta elements of the movie figured out, I had better things to do — like work on my novel.

I Might Do A Few Movie Treatments

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have a few ideas that are interesting movie ideas, but I don’t know how well they would do as novels. So, I think, if I can summon the energy to do so, I’m going to write a few treatments.

There is one currently semi-funny idea that if I could find a collaborator would be something akin to The Wedding Crashers.

And, yet, lulz, absolutely no one cares what I say or do. I could walk off the face of the earth right now and it would take a few weeks for anyone to notice what had happened.

But I do feel like forcing myself to go outside my comfort zone by writing and developing something other than this one story I’ve been working on for years.

Well, *I* Think This Novel Is Getting Pretty Damn Good

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m in full swing editing and rewriting the first act of this novel as I prepare to get into the second act and things are going surprisingly well. Thinking about what I know about this novel in my mind, the big takeaway is it’s just not scary or twisted enough to be directly compared to, say, Gillian Flynn’s “Gone Girl” or Stieg Larsson’s “The Girl With Dragon Tattoo.”

But, even I, who have EXTREMELY HIGH expectations for any story, have to admit that this is shaping up to be, if nothing else, a really entertaining yarn. It’s the kind of story that will suck the reader in pretty fast just because they will want to see how I have a part-time sex-worker solve a murder mystery, if nothing else.

And, yet, I am so blasé and matter-of-fact about that element of the story, that I’d like to think it will be a unique twist to what people will compare it to — the “hooker with a heart of gold” and “sexxy, slutty assassin” tropes.

But there’s one thing I know — you just can’t win. If you take any risks, you are BOUND to somehow, someway offend a small, vocal minority of the audience who will be mad specifically because a smelly CIS white male dared to do anything other than stare at the ceiling and twiddle their thumbs.

So, I press forward.

I still need to work on a backup novel or two. But it’s tough. It’s really tough.

Modern Gender Politics & Pop Culture Are So Fucked Up

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

There is a small — but vocal — group of the reading audience that simply can not, will not, validate the idea that I, as a smelly CIS white male, would, at times, write from a female POV in this novel.


And it’s only going to get worse the moment they learn my heroine is a part-time stripper.

And, yet, fuck it, we’ll do it live.

I am so matter-of-fact about the sex worker side of things that I think, within the context of the novel, that it won’t be seen as too terribly gratuitous. It’s just there’s a lot –a LOT — I can do with the whole stripper side of things to make the story really interesting and enjoyable so, lulz, why not.

And Barry — which dealt with an equally surreal professional life — was a success. But that was a comedy, so, I suppose it’s not a one-to-one.

And I am well aware that someone might steal a creative march on me, given how long it’s taking me to write this damn thing. As such, I really need to start to work on some backup stories.