Month: November 2020

If You’re ‘Hate Reading’ This Blog, Please Spare Me Your Critique


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m not perfect. I don’t claim to be. But, as they say, “If you ain’t got haters, you ain’t poppin.” My default assumptions when it comes to anyone reading this blog is they’re people either looking to “steal” my novel’s concept, they think I’m both “delusional and stupid” or they think I’m an Internet crank who should “maybe try to write a short story.”

And we haven’t even gotten to the MAGA Neo-Confederates I assume read this blog because they get to stroke one out to my dark fears for the Republic.

Anyway, if you’re actually here because you’re a normal person interested in my life, then welcome.

If you’re not, then, well, fuck you.

If These Walls Could Talk


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m EXTREMELY self-conscious any time I find myself writing a female character, doubly so when I have to think up what I imagine women say when they’re alone (say, in the bathroom) and are talking about men.

It’s a situation fraught with the potential for disaster. I just can’t win. How do I know what women say in such a private situation? I’ve never been there and it would never happen even if I was there because, well, I’m a man. So, I have to use my imagination. (Duh.)

The only solution to this insecurity, as best I can tell, is to be really, really self-conscious about it and also very conservative about any assumptions I might make. I can’t have an agenda. I strictly stay within what I can maybe reverse engineer from what I know about women (what little I know) and then have in the front of my mind, “WHAT WOULD OLIVIA WILDE AND JESSICA CHESTAIN THINK OF THIS TEXT.”

That’s all I got. That’s the only way I can think of to not have women tittering on Twitter about how a doofus, clueless man AGAIN didn’t write female characters well.

Twitter Liberals & The Conundrum of My Novel’s Female Romantic Lead


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are moving really fast now with the novel. After two years of development hell, I now know how to write a novel that won’t embarrass me. One thing I continue to think about deeply is the nature of the female romantic lead.

I want her to be a Twitter liberal, the kind that currently thinks I’m nothing more than a Internet crank. I want to, as a form of “punishment,”[Before you get too worked out about the use of the term “punishment here, future Twitter, I’m not Ben Shapiro. I really like most female Twitter liberals and I’m being self-deprecating. I’m only using the vague idea of a “Twitter liberal” being my female romantic lead because it bothers me that instead of seeing me for who I am, they want to put me on blast and make fun of me. This character is a chance to show them that if they gave me a chance, they might actually like me — or at least the me of 2006-2007 Seoul.] get such a person to fall in love with a my hero isn’t me, but someone I know (or maybe used to be in Seoul.)

So, I find myself thinking about what I know about Twitter liberals and what makes them tick. The problem, of course, is I really have to hold back on being, well, angry at Twitter liberals. Why will anyone root for my hero and female romantic lead to hook up if I obviously am angry at my female romantic lead?

As such, I’m going to really go out of my way to give her SOME, maybe A LOT, of redeeming qualities. Even though, of course, I secretly hold people like her in contempt for being so quick to judge me for my social media output.

Regardless, I gotta work faster.

Character, Character, Character


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Things are moving extremely fast now with the novel. I really believe I have a handle on what to do with it now. I’ve been forced to play my own editor and, as such, I toggle back and forth mentally between just writing the novel and thinking about marketing and other meta aspects.

One issue that’s come rushing back to the forefront of my mind is how to develop the personalities of the different characters. I’m going to infuse the protagonist of this first book with my own personality (at least the larger-than-life one I had when I was living in Seoul) and do a lot of reading to flesh out the personality of the character who will be the protagonist of the second book. She’s based on the late Annie Shapiro and Ms. Shapiro was such a kook that I have to bone up on a lot of things outside my comfort zone.

Now that I’ve gotten some crucial development done this morning, I’m going to turn my attention to reading, reading, reading. I know I’ve got the tiger by the tail at the moment and I refuse to blow it now that things are actually working well for once.

I am reminded of how bonkers I was in Seoul. Wow, wee, wow, wow was I colorful back then. I’m so dull now compared to all that.

Why Trump Will Dox Electors On Twitter


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m wrong all the time. But here’s something to think about.

  1. Trump is deranged.
    Trump is an autocrat — if a very bad one — and as it grows more obvious that he will be indicted by NYS after leaving office, he’s going to do anything necessary to “not lose.”
  2. It will be value free.
    By the time we get around to impeaching Trump for doing this, we’ll have moved on to the next thing. The intimidated Electors were “legal” votes and fuck you, lib.
  3. He’ll be president, fuck you lib.
    What are you going to do if Trump intimidates Electors to vote for him, impeach and convict him? This is never going to work, especially if Democrats can’t take the Senate. So, in that sense, at a minimum, Interior Minster Barr will believe Trump can get away with a coup. Trump will dox Electors on Twitter, the Proud Boys scare the hell out of them — they vote for Trump. The End. Coup successful. (Though, of course, this would likely cause a civil war / revolution, but #MoscowMitch doesn’t think in those terms. It’s all about power for power’s sake and owning the libs.)

MAGA Is Just Identity Politics For White People


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Let me be clear, that going to one small MAGA rally in DC does not an expert on the subject make. But it was my first MAGA rally and it made a big impression on me. Then I talked to a relative who is conservative-but-not-MAGA and something occurred to me.

One reason why it’s so fucking hard to deal with MAGA is at its core, it’s identity politics for white people, but you can’t bring that up because they get all defensive and think you’re calling them, personally, racist. What’s more, they don’t even believe in systemic racism — period — so you can’t even bring that up.

Throw in the two sides no longer having a shared reality and, well, you have the makings of a pretty unstable country. And I honestly don’t know how this particular situation fixes itself peacefully. We have about 20 years before the dead hand of demographics finally whittles away at the core of the Republican Party — old people.

What’s more, it’s possible that as brown people grow more “white,” that their natural Catholic conservatism will kick in and, well, we turn into an autocracy no matter what. That could just be our fate now — the United States, on a macro level, is going to become an honest-to-God autocracy in my lifetime.

I can’t predict the future. I have no idea what is going to happen.

The Longest Month


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

We have, as I understand it, about a month before two critical things happen — the state legislatures certify the vote and then, soon after, Electors vote. Now, on a strictly political level, Interior Minister Bill Barr really has his work cut out for him if he plans to make sure our tinpot tyrant “doesn’t lose.”

But, lulz, he doesn’t care. The same logic that allowed the Republicans to quickie-confirm Amy Coney Barrett to SCOTUS will allow Barr to take his chances on staging a coup (in some way) between now and about Dec 12th. I don’t know what he’s got up his sleeve, but I will be flabbergasted if Moscow Mitch doesn’t get on the Senate floor and tell us all that “legal” votes have been counted and Trump is going to get a second term.

Of course, this would mark not only the end of the First Republic, but likely the beginning of some sort of civil war / revolution — what I call The Big Ugly. One thing is clear, no matter what — it appears as though should Trump actually be physically removed from the White House (probably after pardoning himself) the Republican Party is going to be made up entirely of Trump deadenders. Either you believe that Trump is STILL president and have to be forcibly removed from your job, or you’re not a Republican.

But wait, there’s more — Trump also has a month to start a war in an effort to distract us all while he steal the election. It’s very easy to imagine the DPRK shooting off an ICBM or testing a H-bomb and Trump mysteriously changing his views on Little Rocket Man so there’s a war. By the time we figure out what happened, Trump is ensconced in the White House for another four years and fuck you, lib.

There are plenty of pretty dark scenarios. Somehow the vote isn’t certified, it gets through into Congress and then thrown to SCOTUS where Trump wins. Trump gets desperate and doxes all the Democratic Electors, telling the Proud Boys to remind them of “the power of the Second Amendment.” The moment it really, truly begins to sink in Trump that he isn’t going to be president anymore, there is absolutely nothing he might not attempt.

He could very well destroy the entire country for the sole purpose of not having his feelings hurt. Good luck, guys.

Can This Union Be Saved?


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I fear something really bad and really violent is going to happen in the United States very, very soon (2020-2024-ish) for a number of reasons. The extreme negative polarization going on in the United States right now is very alarming. I have repeatedly caught myself thinking about how horrible negative polarization is in MAGA land, only to realize I was doing the same Goddamn thing.

Though, to be fair, if you look at Donald Trump and really would like four more of years of that if your other option is middle of the road Joe Biden, I don’t know what to do with you.

But the issue is, MAGA isn’t going anywhere. MAGA’s dream is my nightmare. They want the very autocracy that I fear. I know I rant a lot about identity politics hurting art, but MAGA people take it to the next level by not only getting mad about identity politics, but wallowing it in themselves. What is MAGA but identity politics for….white people?

If this was a novel — which it isn’t — whatever needless, tragic violence that might happen in the United States would happen NOW, not somewhere between now and 2024. We think we’ve managed to punt this particular problem of MAGA down the road, when there are plenty — PLENTY — of ways this could go wrong almost immediately.

I don’t want any violence. I’m not advocating any violence. All I’m saying is, the Right and the Left are receding from having any form of shared reality at an alarming rate. To such an extent that it almost becomes difficult to NOT think of a scenario where Americans don’t start murdering each other for political reasons in numbers not seen since the Civil War.

I hope I’m wrong. I often am. But we’re not out of the woods yet.

MAGA As ‘Mind Virus’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I have been exposed to the MAGA mind virus way too much the last few days. I fear I’m really beginning to understand how Nazism was able to consume Germany.

The first way it happens is when the center-Left and the center-Right can neither agree on facts nor agree on the interpretation of facts. This lets someone like Trump swoop in and seize control. Once you’re post-factual, then you really begin to work on the basis of faith, not facts.

Also, when you reach a point where all you do is think about The Dear Leader, you don’t have time to remember that, duh, someone like Biden — who is extremely middle of the road — isn’t REALLY a pawn of “AOC+3.”

Then, of course, there is just the issue of nullification, confirmation basis and denialism. You have an absolute abstract fear of being “canceled” simply for being conservative and so when you point out that there’s some serious racism, bigotry and misogyny going on, the person just waves it off and says they know what Trump “really” means.

But we have to never forget that MAGA is American Nazism. We can’t let our guard down. The moment we do, they will figure out away to make Trump’s nightmare dream a reality.

My Nightmare Would Be My Heroine Being Seen As ‘Manic Pixie Dreamgirl…With A Gun’


by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Well, it’s times like these that being aware of the Vox worldview where all art is reduced to tropes and you can’t just have fun because of the Big Ideas associated with being A Very Serious Person who speaks with Authority on their Tik-Toks.

I am WELL AWARE that because I’m a man, pretty much it’s impossible for me to not be judged if I have any type of heroine. I’m not even suppose to try. I’m just a member of the patriarchy and, as such, just want to “fridge” female character that I construct simply to have sex with them in my mind.

UGH. Fuck that!

My heroine is unique. And if you add to this the fact that I simply don’t take myself very seriously, then there’s a real chance that my heroine may come across as a manic pixiedream girl…with a gun.. to the Vox people who are on a hair trigger to find some sort of trope in any work of pop art. In all honesty, my heroine isn’t meant to be my interpretation of a manic pixie dreamgirl, but rather my imaginary wilful child!

So, you should be seeing her as me thinking up a really cool — if difficult — daughter that I have to struggle with, rather than me constructing some sort of ideal woman for me to fuck.

But I understand why Vox might say she’s nothing more than a manic pixiedream girl…with a gun. Ok, ok, I get it. But I will say that such thinking is how we got Trump. Can’t there just be pop culture for pop culture’s sake? Do we all have to limit ourselves to one Twitter comic no one’s heard of that passes the Vox litmus test?

I guess what I’m saying is I’m working so hard to create a really unique person that you want to hang out with and root for, but I’m hypersensitive to accusations of her just being a manic pixie dreamgirl…with a gun. I’m so paranoid about this, that I’m thinking up every possible way to give the character depth.

It makes you think — to Vox, is ANY interesting female character some variation of the manic pixie dreamgirl trope? And yet not only am I suppose to write strong, interesting women, I can’t ever actually be successful because of identity politics? What the what?

But “publish or perish” as they say. Gotta finish a first draft and soon.