Month: November 2022

Logically, Trump Should Be The Next Speaker of The House

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

A Ploy to Convict Biden / Harris in the Senate
In this scenario, it’s 2023 and Republicans have gone nuts. They have impeached both Biden and Harris out of spite. Now, for Trump to actively be trying to destroy the country, he would, of course, need to have some personal investment in it. So, this one only really works if he is the Speaker of the House and he thinks he can become POTUS again early. So, in a bid to scare the living shit out of the Senate, he, as Speaker, begins to demand Red States leave the Union in order to get what he wants. He says this just as a rhetorical flourish, but MAGA legislatures take him seriously and states, probably beginning with Texas, begin to convene Secessionist Conventions. And away we go.

I wrote that scenario up some time ago and as Republicans begin a massive power struggle over who will be Speaker of the House, it begins to become more and more relevant. Any back of the envelope study of the current Republican struggle over who will be Speaker of the House tells you that, all things being equal, Trump should be the next Republican Speak of the House.

All the sturm and drang going on about the Speakership is battle over who will be Trump’s proxy in the House. So, the logical way to end that struggle is to cut the Gordian Knot by simply naming Trump to the Speakership. Trump is the one person that the entire House caucus could unite behind.

What’s more, it would also unite the Republican House caucus because it would put Trump in line of succession. House Republicans are going to impeach Biden and Harris anyway, they should be at least be intellectually honest for once and make it clear what they’re up to — a coup.

But it is very easy to imagine Trump becoming Speaker, impeaching both Biden and Harris and then inciting violence on the part of the MAGA New Right to such an extent that Senate Democrats feel forced to convict them “for the sake of the nation.”

Then Trump comes back early and we’re right back where we started from in January 2021, with Trump demanding to stay in office forever because of “lost time.”

But — and this a huge but — Trump is not a Great Man. He’s just very lucky, very lazy idiot. As such, I would be shocked if he was able to pull himself away from running again in 2024 to be Speaker for, say, 100 days as Steve Bannon has suggested.

Trump just doesn’t have the abstract mental capacity necessary to be Speaker. But there’s another big unknown — what happens if a big chunk of the Republican House caucus drafts Trump to be Speaker? Would that be enough to entice him to do it for the specific purpose of leading the impeachment of both Biden and Harris?

At this point, this seems like just another daydream. But….it is an interesting scenario.

Trump Is Such A National Embarrassment

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

There are so many reasons why we need to indict Trump at this point. But, as is always the case with Trump, there is a huge complication — by definition, to indict Trump is to make him a MAGA martyr that is 100% assured to play the victim card all the way to the 2024 Republican nomination.

So, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s a bad situation either way. I suppose what is going to happen is the Biden Administration will name a Special Prosecutor then walk away. This will, in a way, slice the boil when it comes to what to do about Trump.

MAGA Republicans Are Fascists Because…We’re Too Mean To Them?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Sometimes, you can’t make this shit up. One of the major slogans of the 2016 campaign on the part of Republicans was “fuck your feelings.” It was meant to convey that MAGA was done being “PC” and just wanted to be “left alone.” Flash forward to today and now it seems that all that MAGA Republicans do is whine about how they’re doubling down on fascism because…they’re getting their fee-fees hurt?

I obviously find this extremely disingenuous. It says more about how the two sides misunderstand each other than it does about how mean people like me are to MAGA. Or, put another way, it says more about how insecure MAGA is growing that it’s at least possible that their transformation of the United States into a white Christian ethno state may, at least, not go in a straight line. (Even though it definitely seems like it’s going to happen — or we have a civil war / miliary junta.)

I have to admit, of course, that the entire Western World continues to careen towards something pretty dark. Call it The Fourth Turning or the Great Reset. But it’s dark. We — and especially the USA — can’t keep punting our problems down the road forever.

Now, let me be clear — I’m probably wrong. I’m always wrong. Or, what might happen is, in the end, our drift into autocracy is initially so subtle that it’s a lulz…until it’s not.

Is My Online Stalker A KAF Person?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

If Annie Shapiro was alive, I would totally think it was her who is stalking me online at the moment. But she’s tragically dead, so, it can’t be her. I thought maybe it was someone close to her or someone who hates / loves me from South Korea.

Now, I’m beginning to wonder if someone from the KAF community remains REALLY FUCKING INTERESTED in me. Even when I was active in KAF they were pretty much all stalking me as it was. So, it definitely seems as though if I have a stalker and not a fan, it would be someone with KAF.

And I seem to recall that there was at least one KAF person who managed to dig up some embarrassing thing I wrote online 25 odd years ago. I’m just not that interesting, at least not yet. And if you’re obsessed with a nobody like me — maybe you should seek help?

You could at least wait until I blow up with my DJ money to care that much about me, to have a parasocial relationship with me.

Republicans, Beware — Hell Hath No Fury Like A Trump Scorned

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m no fortune teller, but when you’re dealing with a man who was willing to destroy American democracy for the sake of his own ego, well, if you don’t give him what he wants you’re playing with fire.

I’m speaking, of course, of Donald Trump and the 2024 Republican presidential nomination. There are two outcomes to the growing “Never Trump” sentiment within mainstream Republican ranks — either it fizzles and Trump grows even stronger, putting us on a course that includes civil war or military junta, or it doesn’t and Trump bounces for the Patriot Party.

Barring something unexpected, those are the two options for the Republican Party — either give Trump what he wants, or risk destruction at his hands. Or, if not destruction, at least the lost of the 2024 presidential cycle. If we have fascist version of TD’s Bull Moose Party, then all bets are off. Trump could single-handedly destroy the Republican Party by cleaving it away from its base.

No matter what happens, we’re in for some pretty surreal times in the coming days.

Surprise! Maybe Trump Just Isn’t As Popular As We Thought?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m just not prepared to count dingus Trump out politically yet. And, yet, given how poorly the 2022 midterms have gone for Republicans, the case could be made that Trump just isn’t the political juggernaut that we thought he was. In fact, it’s at least possible that Trump, once he won in 2016, was all smoke and mirrors.

He simply used the Bully Pulpit to further his agenda, without really having any broad-based support. Sure, a lot of Traditional conservatives winced and went along with the ride for young hack MAGA judges and tax cuts…but in a pinch…the number of people who hated Trump simply was greater than those willing to vote for him.

As such, things really began to accelerate downward for him once he lost the 2020 election.

And now, here we are.

But the very concept of autocracy is based on no democracy, so there’s every reason to believe that Trump can come roaring back because of that. Most autocrats are…just…popular enough to stay in office. And Trump would be no different once he secured the nomination and got into office again because Republicans cheat so much.

We’ll see, I guess.

‘She’s Feeling Saucy’ — #lyrics to a #pop #rock song

She’s Feeling Saucy
Lyrics by @sheltgarner
Please give credit if you produce or perform

she looks at you with thighs wide open
licking her lips
looking like she wants to take a dip
she’s undoing her bra
get ready to rumble ’cause

she’s feeling
saucy
she’s feeling
saucy
she’s feeling
saucy

time to decide
if your a boy or a guy
are you ready to reach over
give her what she wants
she’s shooting you that glance
it’s not asksance

she’s feeling
saucy
she’s feeling
saucy
she’s feeling
saucy

(bridge)
she’s no lady
got one thing on her mind
she wants to know if you measure up
to the yardstick she expects
from any man worth it’s dick

she’s feeling
saucy
she’s feeling
saucy
she’s feeling
saucy

‘Twitter Killer:’ The ‘Excerpt’ Feature

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

An interesting element of the UX of this proposed Twitter killer is it would, like Facebook or Twitter, have a “Feed” feature that would cut through all the Groups and Threads. But how to do it? How to convey to the reader that if they click on something they can go straight to a new Post in a Thread they might be interested in?

I think the way to do it is something like this: Whenever you finish a Post, you would be prompted to drag down a highlighting feature that you could use to create an Excerpt. That Excerpt, would, in turn, be featured in the Feed under the subject of the Thread.

It’s the best of both worlds.

I suppose you might say it’s a tick bit more complicated that the average Twitter or Facebook user might be used to, but I think it’s intuitive enough that they would begin to use it without even thinking about it. Or, at least most users would.

The beauty of this feature is “flattens” the service down to something much like Twitter. Groups and Threads would still exist, of course, but they would be far more manageable than they ever were with the old Usenet 25 odd years ago. Too bad no one listens to me, huh.

Why I Fucking Hate The Bechdel Test

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I generally don’t believe that the “woke cancel culture mob” exists. What we refer to as the “woke cancel culture mob” is an amalgam of technology speeding up social change along with younger people having different expectations. Throw in how fucking MAGA cocksuckers use anything that makes them feel uncomfortable as an excuse to rant about people being “canceled” and, well, there you go — woke cancel culture mob is born.

But there are a few things that really irritate me when it comes to what the whippersnappers believe relative to me, the graybeard. One of those things is how passionately they believe in the so-called “Bechdel Test.” This test, proposed in a comic(!) is referred to even by its creator as a “half joke.” But the way the more woke among us view this test, you would think if anything you read that doesn’t pass the test, the book in question has be thrown across the room with great vigar.

I call bullshit.

But let’s look at what the test is. In essence it’s: “Two women must have a conversation about something other than a man.“

Now, it’s not so much that the test exists that enrages me, it’s that if I tell a great story and it (tragically?) doesn’t pass the fucking test that somehow I’m dinged for being a bad storyteller.

THIS MAKES ME VERY ANGRY.

The point of any art is to be provocative and to tell a great story. You go where the story takes you. It seems like the Bechdel Test is a hack crutch for people with no talent to make people who do have talent feel bad. I’m well aware that taking such a stance may not endear me to some literary agents when I start to query later next year. Ok, I get. But it’s not like I don’t validate those people who are really into the Bechdel Test. I do. Have it.

But any sort of test for art like the Bechdel Test seems…rather hackish? Great art isn’t supposed to have rules other than whatever you have to follow to convey a great story. And telling me that I have to twist and contort my work to pass the fucking Bechdel Test is not cool.

What’s more, I have so many female characters in my work that it’s probably going to be pretty easy for me to pass the fucking test that I keep ranting about! Now what?

Anyway. What’s the point of having principles if you’re not willing to suffer for them?

The ‘Due Diligence’ Conundrum

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I am — at the moment — a nobody. A big old fucking nobody. So ANYTHING that sticks out from my normal humdrum life is a big deal. I got my weekly report of people who have searched for me on LinkedIn and…would you believe a publisher was among the people to search for my name? They didn’t look at my profile which I don’t know what to make of.

I am who I am.

And, really, this taps into my existential angst over the idea that I could write the fucking equivalent of a mystery-thriller Bible…and it won’t get bought because I’ve been a big fat loser nobody for so long. I’m talking, of course, about due diligence, which in layman’s terms is like having a secret, passive first date against your will.

But it’s one of those things where there’s not much I can do about it. I am who I am and really have been something of a big old loser for an embarrassing amount of time. And, of course, whatever is on my mind at any particular moment I vomit it onto social media — often drunk — so, lulz. And, yet, I’ve been telling stories my entire life and given how long I’ve been working on this specific idea I know I’m within shouting distance of selling it to a publishing house.

At least, that’s what I believe in my fevered imagination.

So, there comes a point when you just have to accept that some things are out of your hands. I can’t go back in time and be cool. I just have to write the best six novel project I can possibly write and hope for the best.