Tag: Fuck You MAGA

The General Has Begun: ‘Hysterical Doom Shit’ Edition

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The 2024 general election campaign has begun — at least in the mind of malignant ding-dong Donald Trump. You know this because of how Trump is banking to the center when it comes to the issue of abortion rights. Trump knows that he has an absolute grip on the nomination so he doesn’t have to pander to the pro-Life absolutists who otherwise have a stranglehold on the Republican nomination process.

This, if nothing else, should make people sit up and take notice that there is no stopping the Trump Train at the moment. Barring something I just can’t predict, Trump is going to win the 2024 election. And if you factor in Biden’s advanced age…oh boy…a repeat of the 1872 nightmare scenario is definitely something you have to ponder.

The fact that even ding-dong Trump has the wherewithal to lean into his lock on the nomination to campaign as if he’s trying to win re-election is rather alarming. We have to accept that there is absolutely nothing that can be done to stop Trump from being president again.

We have to start to prepare for America’s final transition into an autocracy of blood and soil. The entire post World War II liberal order is probably going to come crashing down. The US is going to leave NATO and pull out its tripwire troops stationed in South Korea. Ukraine will have to sue for peace and, that’s it. That’s all she wrote.

Meanwhile, on the domestic front, some pretty dark shit is going to start to happen. Trump will end birthright citizenship, which might be part of a broader attempt to redefine citizenship as narrowly as possible. And it’s at least within the realm of possibility that some of my “hysterical doom shit” may become reality as the existing ICE camp infrastructure is weaponize.

That’s probably our reality starting in early 2025. I can’t predict the future, of course, so it’s possible we’ll manage to punt our problems down the road via some sort of “third way.”

I find this very dubious, however. No matter what happens, 2024 is shaping up to be the most significant election in American history since 1860.

Things Fall Apart

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It’s definitely interesting how things stay the same for a long time then everything falls apart at the same time. I have a number of mini-crisis taking place in my life at the moment, from a toothache, to computer failing me to my refrigerator’s thermostat malfunctioning.

It makes me wonder if this is some sort of portent about the future. Am I about to enter a transitional phase in my life? And if so, exactly what am I transitioning into? Ugh.

I am definitely feeling my mortality these days. I’m feeling a lot of internal pressure to speed up the pace on this novel. I’m not going to live forever and it would be pretty pathetic if my only legacy was a failed expat magazine and an unfinished novel.

But you have to work with what you got, I suppose. I just have no idea what the future brings me. Things could go a lot of different ways between now and early 2025. It could be that just about the time I begin querying my first novel, the United States collapses into chaos and anarchy.

Though, on the up side, if we just slide peacefully into autocracy, my grand macro plan for this six novel project becomes extremely timely and potentially popular.

But, who knows. No fate but what we make and all that.

We Live In Existential Times

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

MAGA has gone septic. I say this because if the entire fate of your democracy depends on pro-democratic forces winning every election for the foreseeable future — you got a problem. That’s not how democracy is supposed to work. In a functioning democracy, there is an ebb and flow with governance going back and forth between different parties.

But here we are.

If Trump wins in 2024, that’s it. America will officially being its transition into an autocracy based on blood and soil. We will wake up at some point in the next 20 years wondering why we’re invading Canada to crush the “woke mind virus” that our autocrat keeps babbling about.

I wish I was kidding.

The worst part about all of this is it’s happening right in front of us, right before our eyes. There is a solid 38% of the electorate that hates democracy and sees it only as a means to an end — their ruling the country forever. To me, the only question at the moment is not that things will get bad, but how bad they will get.

There is, of course, the greater-than-zero-sum-chance that there might be some sort of “Resistance Revolution” in late 2024, early 2025 if either Trump wins by the corruption of the administration of the election or his incoming second term agenda is just so radical that Blues decide to strike back.

I find that possibility extremely dubious, however. Not only is there no assurance that it would work, it’s just not the collective temperament of Blues to do such a thing. The people who would be the leadership of such a revolution will be too busy fleeing the country using their second passports to do anything to stop our slide into autocracy.

All good things must come to an end, I guess. I just hope I manage to avoid being put in a weaponized ICE camp.

Life During War Time

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As I always say — I simply can not predict the future. And, yet, I have an obsession about making my abstract fears about the future concrete. So, here are some ruminations on what life during either a Second American Civil War (Reds) or a Second American Revolution (Blues) might be like.

There are a few things to remember off the bat — one is in either scenario, there would be mass chaos. There would be mass chaos to the point that the most basic elements of modern life like food, water and communication would be put into doubt.

If ever there was a way to end the “woke” era, it would be everyone being faced with some pretty fucking existential issues on a daily basis rather than if a CIS white male used the right pronouns or not. No matter how fucking woke you may be, if you’re worried about dying from an artillery shell in the middle of the night you just don’t have the mental processing power left over to be offended if someone gives you the “ick” by saying “female.”

As part of that chaos, there would be a lot — A LOT — of domestic political refugees as people fled to states that better fit their personal political views. And, of course, there would be the issue of Blue Cities in Red States that might be emptied Pol Pot-style. American Killing Fields, here we come.

Also, both sides would be greatly radicalized once either a civil war or revolution broke out, to the point that all the headquarters of all the major conservative media in NYC might be gutted by angry Blue mobs. This doesn’t even address the fact that Trump Tower might be “taken” at some point during either one of the worst case scenarios.

The darkest element of either a civil war or a revolution would be race relations in the South. It’s easy to imagine a fucking race war breaking out in the South as white conservatives try to rearrange the political order in a rather vicious manner, prompting African Americans to fight back.

Overall, a civil war or a revolution would be very messy and very, very bloody. You would have to take into account the fact that WW3 would probably break out and the DPRK might take America bombing itself into oblivion over “vibes” as an opportunity to lob a few nukes our way.

I just don’t see how we thread the needle like we did in 2020. But, like I keep saying — I can’t predict the future. Maybe everything will turn out the way that Mueller, She Wrote believes and all my fears are just “hysterical doom shit.”

About 38% of The Electorate Wants A MAGA-Themed Autocracy

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The thing that so many nattering nabobs of negativism are completely and totally oblivious about is the cold, hard fact that about 38% of the electorate hates democracy and wants a MAGA-themed autocracy of blood and soil. They want a theocratic, fascist state and they see malignant ding-dong Trump as the vessel, the avatar that will give that dystopian hellscape future to them.

It’s hard for well-paid talking head pundits to give anything but shitty hottakes when they make the basic mistake about the intentions of one of the two major parties. To be a modern Republican is, by definition, to be a fascist who wants to eliminate all but consumption taxes and while replacing the “administrative state” with the “moralistic state.”

That’s what people voted for with Trump in 2016 — he sold himself as an autocrat and that’s what people wanted. The quirk in our transition into autocracy was — surprise! — Trump was too dumb and too lazy to do even the most basic of autocratic things to stay in power forever. He waited until the very last step in the process to try to stay in power.

This proves that Trump is not a Great Man, but rather just an vessel, and avatar, for the severe rot within the modern day American political system.

Once we get past the final death rattle of our dying democracy, all taxes will be replaced by a 30% VAT. Meanwhile, abortion will be 100% illegal nationwide. Being gay will be illegal. The already existent ICE camp system will be weaponized and people like yours truly will find myself in a camp, if I’m not just shot by a MAGA neighbor during the transition to autocracy.

Now, for me, the issue is the United States is a big and diverse nation. So while the hellish agenda on the part of MAGA would probably be easy to peacefully make a reality in a small, more homogenous country, there is a greater-than-zero -sum chance that if Republicans screw up there MIGHT be something akin to a “Resistance Revolution.”

I’m not holding my breath, though.

Smug wealthy Twitter liberals already have a second passport. They are already gaming out how they can continue to produce their circle jerk podcast outside the United States once we’re an autocracy. I just don’t see them giving enough of a shit about we “Poors” to risk their lives and sacred honor on something as abstract and unprofitable as “democracy.”

Meanwhile, I DO think there is a pretty good chance that if Biden — or whomever — wins in 2024, that Trump will demand a National Divorce in a personal effort to stay out of prison. So, soon after we all congratulate ourselves for having defeated MAGA for another election cycle, the monster will come for our throats in the guise of a Secession Crisis.

Probably starting with Texas first.

So the key issue is I just don’t see us managing to find a “Third Way” like we barely did in 2020. This coming 2024 election cycle IS IT. Either America is no longer a democracy, or we have a civil war (Reds) or a revolution (Blues) depending on who wins and who loses.

Good luck.

Contemplating Becoming a Domestic Political Refugee In Late 2024, Early 2025

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I can not predict the future. No one can. But all signs point to either the United States becoming a MAGA-themed autocracy starting in early 2025, or the entire country going tits up because of either a civil war (Reds) or a revolution (Blues.) As such, I find myself contemplating what I am going to do if I simply can not live in my rural MAGA-loving area anymore.

But, first, I have to think about what might cause me to actually leave my home in the first place. The thing about Virginia is, it’s two states — one Red, one Blue — fused together who fucking hate each other. As such, I can totally imagine a scenario whereby Virginia is one of the first states to implode into severe intra-state political violence if there is any sort of National Divorce or Blue Revolution.

Give my nature, I suppose I will wait until it’s clear that people around me know that my politics don’t fit the vibe of the area and I get the sense that maybe I should flee. But it would have to be real. It couldn’t just be some vague, abstract sense of unease.

I have long believed that if the End of the World came, I would either be the first person to die or the person who helped bring back civilization. So, lulz, it could be that I just open my front door one day in late 2024, early 2025 and I get shot in the face.

But who knows. I guess if things get too hot for me I will grab some essential in a bug out bag and head north one way or another. I have a well-meaning relative who wants to hide out in the woods, but he’s south of me and that sounds rather fatalistic. Once states begin to leave the Union, the the force of the State will be involved in things and it makes no sense to stick around.

I have some relatives in Richmond, so I guess I’ll drive in that direction? But that’s an iffy situation if things really are collapsing, so I may just using whatever infrastructure has developed to facilitate Blues in Virginia getting to safety in Maryland and beyond and use that.

Imagining a SNL ‘Unfrozen Caveman Governor’ Sketch

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

It is self-evident how much Ron DeSantis looks like the late Phil Hartman’s classic character Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. This, of course, gets me thinking about how SNL might bring back the character this fall (whenever the writers’ and actors’ strikes end.)

You open with the same opening as the original sketch, only it instead of him being a lawyer, he’s governor of Florida. You have him making a campaign speech where he talks about the “woke mind virus” and how it’s as powerful as the mastodons he had to hunt 10,000 years ago. Or something, something like that.

I would really lean into the idea that he’s “caveman conservative” and that reflects in his policy ideas. Extra points if you can somehow shoehorn those type of ideas into what DeSantis actually believes.

The inciting incident of the sketch would be him ending his speech and him walking around talking to different people. One of them might be Donald Trump and they trade barbs or something.

Another way you might do it is as a recorded campaign ad whereby Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer goes through the benefits of having a president that was born 10,000 years ago.

Biden’s Impeachment As ‘Benghazi 2.0’ — The Lead Up To Autocracy or Civil War Starting In Late 2024, Early 2025

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

The whole point of the Biden “impeach inquiry” on the part of House Republicans (and Trump) is simply to create some for of false moral equivalence between Biden and Trump on election day. Either people will not vote or the calculous they use to vote will be so fucked up from a shame impeachment of Biden that Trump wins.

We have to begin to accept that we’re careening towards the most decisive presidential election in American history since 1860. At the moment, barring something none of us can predict, Trump is going to win in 2024 — or we have a civil war.

There is, of course, a very small chance that we might have a “Blue Revolution” if Trump wins, but I doubt it. Smug Twitter Liberals already have one foot out the door with second passports, so lulz, they’re going to be too busy relocating to the south of France to help Poors like us.

Eat the rich.

Anyway, as I keep saying, you go bankrupt gradually then all at once. And I think that’s exactly what’s going to happen to the United States. Once Trump is president again, America is going to have a very Germany 1933 vibe to it. I don’t think there’s going to be anything stopping MAGA’s consolidation of power in 2025 if Trump wins.

That will be that. Trump will be the transitional figure between us being in an anocracy and an autocracy. America will leave NATO and South Korea and the entire post-WW2 global order will be thrown up in the air. Russia will win its war of aggression against Ukraine and the already existent ICE camp infrastructure will be weaponized.

In 20 years — or less– Americans will wake up and wonder why we’re invading Canada to save it from “the woke mind virus.”

If Trump doesn’t win, meanwhile, we have a civil war. Or come close to one. The deep echo of the first civil war is alive and well in the South and, as such Texas will leave the Union and that will set off a cascading series of events with no obvious endgame.

And, of course, there will probably be WW3 as all of that is happening.

Good luck. You’ll need it.

The Extremely Dumb Rationale Behind The House Republicans ‘Impeachment Inquiry’ of Biden

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Any discussion of what’s going on with House Republicans being hell bent to simply be able to use the word “impeachment” a lot when it comes to Biden has to first remember how the first impeachment in American history went down. As I recall, Radical Republicans were so angry at Andrew Johnson that they impeached him without even knowing why they they were doing it.

They just wrote in the articles later.

So, here we are, with it seeming as though the United States is either going to turn into a MAGA-themed autocracy, or have some sort of secessionist crisis at some point in the near future. At the moment, it definitely seems as though late 2024, early 2025 is going to be a crucial moment in American history, where we decide our form of government for generations to come.

Anyway, it seems as though in some respects, the “impeachment inquiry” against Biden is happening for several reasons. One reason is sheer spite — House Republicans want to strike back at Biden for Trump being a criminal. They also want to both scream at the top of their lungs that Biden is being impeached and thus can’t be re-elected while at the same time poo-pooing the idea that Trump has been impeached twice.

“It happens to every president these days,” is what they want people to think.

Also, remember, this is white knuckled power politics. House Republicans simply want cover for using the word “impeachment” on Fox News, in hopes that all that white noise bullshit will lodge itself into the minds of low information voters in five swing states and be 2024’s “Benghazi.” At the moment, they don’t even have the votes to actually launch an impeachment inquiry, much less actually impeach Biden.

But, lulz, they’re going to do it anyway because they can say “the only way we can find the truth is with an impeachment inquiry.” It’s a similar logic to how Republicans vote against popular programs, then take the credit for them when they are implemented in their districts.

It’s a win-win: they get to tell Red voters that they voted against big government spending and they get to take credit for popular programs in the minds of Blues and independents.

I do find it curious that Republicans are so dumb and ill-focused that they didn’t decide to impeach Biden for the “border crisis” or any number of actual problems in the country, rather than nebulous bullshit involving Biden and his son. It’s all very strange to me.

But, regardless, we have to accept that what’s going on in the House is ping for a not-so-distant future where we either are no longer a democracy, or our political system finally collapses into real world political violence. I hate violence, but I would suggest you get ready.

MTG Keeps Proving My Theory Of The Case About The Nature Of A Second American Civil War Starting In Late 2024, Early 2025

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I can’t predict the future, but I have for years now written about how I believe if there is an actual civil war, it won’t be some sort of mass freak out by AR-15 toting MAGA morons. It’s going to be a proper old school civil war with a secession crisis and the whole she-bang.

Just look at this tweet by Marjorie Taylor Greene:

The above words definitely seem to indicate that Republicans have secession on the brain if they don’t get what they want. And I still think that if there is a Secession Crisis in late 2024, early 2025 because Trump loses that Texas will be the first state to call up a secessionist convention.

Though I suppose it’s possible that Texas might defer to South Carolina out of a sense of historical symmetry. Of course, given the large African American population in South Carolina secession MIGHT be a hard sell in that state, even though apparently most of the Republicans in that state think “the South Shall Rise Again.”

But we’re still too far out — I just don’t know the specifics of any so-called “Fourth Turning.” The issue I just can’t predict is how serious Republicans are about leave the Union in a National Divorce if Trump doesn’t win. It could be all talk, even if Trump is going to be ranting at the top of his lungs that there should be a National Divorce so he doesn’t have to go to prison.

All I can tell you is — any National Divorce or subsequent 2ACW is going to be very, very, very messy and will probably prompt World War 3 while it’s at it. Hold on tight, things might be bumpy starting in late 2024, early 2025.