Month: May 2023

What’s So Funny ‘Bout Peace, Love & Understanding?

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

But for the fact that it would cause the world to descend into chaos, death and destruction, I would be prepared to call MAGA’s bluff on a National Divorce. In fact, I think,but for the prospect of civil war, revolution and WW3, that Blues should leave the Union in late 2024, early 2025 should it be clear that we’re going to become a white Christian ethnostate.

And, yet, I hate violence, so, lulz, I guess I have to root for Ron DeSantis being the Republican nominee so the risk of civil war goes down to pretty much zero but we still turn into a white Christian ethnostate.

In other words — we’re fucked.

No one is prepared for what is about to happen to the United States, one way or another. I suppose we might punt our systemic, structural problems down the road a little bit more, but things are coming to a head very, very soon. We just can’t escape the consequences of the browning of America and the economic rise of women.

And, of course, the “birth dearth” that is probably the real reason why everything is so fucked up in the United States at the moment — white people on a macro basis just can’t handle the transition to minority status and it’s eating away at them on a psychological basis.

I talk to my conservative relatives — whom I love dearly — and I’m aghast at how we can no longer even agree on what is “real” anymore. Red and Blue are receding away from each other on a macro basis at an alarming rate to the point that I just don’t see how we don’t become all Red (a white Christian ethnostate) or we don’t have a National Divorce that ends up burning the entire globe to the ground to a certain extent.

I just don’t know what to tell you. Buckle up. Things are going to get bumpy one way or another.

Gaming Out The Rest Of The Projected Six Novel Project

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

As is my wont, I keep vacillating back and forth between cutting the number of novels in this project and saying, fuck it, let’s rock. The reason is — it’s really difficult for me to justify cutting novels if I have a really strong conceit for each of the six novels.

So, I look at the barebones, vague concepts I have for several of these novels and think about scrapping them, only to think, “But I know what happens in general terms…” As such, I decide I have to throw myself into fleshing out all six novels.

What’s more, the last two books in the novel — which are the first two novels I worked on with this project — are so well thought out and developed that they’re something of a gimmie. Now that I have the first book of the series figured out — it’s foundation — I can pretty easily rework the last two books to fit into the revised vision of the universe and overarching, macro plot.

There is a specific macro plot point that I want to use that at least one person has said is “disappointing.” But if you look at the overarching plot of the series, it’s the only way to go and it ultimately has the biggest pay off. So, I feel very Steve Jobs like in saying, “I know what I want and I’m going to do it, even if the rubes don’t at first understand or don’t like what is going on.”

Wink.

A lot is going on at the moment when it comes to this novel project. I’m transitioning into a new era of it all where I don’t have total control over things. I’m going to have to beg people to not only be beta readers of the first novel, but to finish the thing in the first place. I’m prepared to give people as much as three months, then it’s fish or cut bait.

I hope to save up the money for a professional editor of some sort in the fall so I can turn around and start to query early next year. Which, come to think of, I need to start to read up on how to do soon. But I want to finish the second draft — or at least the public beta — before I do that. I don’t want to read something about the querying process that I feel forces me to rewrite the entire first novel to accommodate it.

I want a finished public beta in my hands before I start to work towards querying.

Anyway, wish me luck.

Imagining Trump’s Second Term

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m always wrong, but here are some general ideas about what Trump’s second term might look like. The key issue for me is — how close do we come to a civil war in late 2024, early 2025 after Trump wins the 2024 election? If it becomes clear that his incoming agenda is EXTREMELY RADICAL, then there is a greater-than-zero-sum chance that Blue States begin to leave the Union.

It would all happen very, very quickly. So fast that a lot of people would get caught up in the moment and wouldn’t even realize what was going on until the Second American Civil War was actually on-going.

But I just don’t think that’s going to happen. While I do think that the chance of a 2ACW is far greater if Trump becomes POTUS, in the end, I just don’t think that Blues have it in them. Too many of the people who would actually incite a National Divorce — namely, Twitter liberals — have the means, motive and opportunity to use their newly obtained second passports to flee the country and setup shop in the south of France.

So, what would a Second Trump Administration actually look like? It would be based on revenge and the final battle between MAGA and the “deep state.” But I think the real issue, the thing will transform America into a white Christian ethnostate will be a Constitutional Convention.

Within months — days? — of Trump being sworn in, he’s going to start ranting about how he is going to run again, even though the Constitutional prohibits it. At some point, he’s going to realize he can get his MAGA Enabling Acts by calling a Constitutional Convention. It goes rouge because it’s make up of people selected by state legislatures –which are majority MAGA — and away we go.

As all of this happening, a huge pipeline of wealthy, smug Twitter liberals will flow out of the country until, of course, Trump — or whomever succeeds him — freaks out and makes it illegal to leave the country.

So, there you go.

Barring something I can’t predict — that’s America’s future.

Day 46: Phase Two

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Starting very soon, I’m going to bounce back and forth between transforming the private beta of my first novel into the public beta and working on fleshing out the other five novels in this projected six novel project.

But for the fact that a really good scifi novel that I came up with had the same basic premise as “Wool,” I would be working on that instead. I have two other solid scifi ideas rolling around in my head, but I’m going to work on the mystery-thriller series for the time being.

I just need to reflex for a few days before I try to review the private beta of the first novel. I started doing that, only to realize that I had read it so many times — especially the first 30,000 odd words — that I was too tempted to just say “It’s good enough.”

I need to be able to read the novel with cold, clear eyes so I see mistakes before they get into the public beta.

All I can say is I’m really doing all of this without any — ANY — fucking support or emotional support. It’s going to be pretty funny when all these people who don’t believe in me are forced to realize they mistook me talking about writing a novel all the time for me not actually putting in the hard work.

Ha! I’m well on my way to proving that THEY are the fools in this particular scenario.

History Doesn’t Repeat, But It Does Rhyme: The Secret Service As Praetorian Guard

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I’m growing worried about the Secret Service. I know this will sound fucking hysterical, but you could game out a situation where MAGA Secret Service members toppled a Blue USA government if it was Reds, rather than Blues, who decided to leave the Union in late 2024, early 2025.

I am well aware of how hysterical this sounds, but the Secret Service has repeatedly proven in the last few years that they’re in for MAGA. And if the country was collapsing in some sort of National Divorce (and Blues were the ones keeping the USA “brand,”) it definitely seems as though they might do some sort of palace coup to help the Reds.

In short – we continue to be fucking screwed. The United States is being torn apart before our very eyes and the we face autocracy or civil war. And if it’s civil war, the only question is which side decides to leave the Union. At the moment, I honestly don’t know.

Good luck.

Day 45: That Didn’t Last Long

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I had gamed out the rest of the week so carefully. I was going to chill out until Saturday afternoon this turn around and throw myself into turning my private beta into a public beta.

But, surprise!

This morning I sat down and started editing the private beta. Things are moving really fast, but there is also a real risk that I’m going to get bogged down rewriting a lot of scenes that just aren’t good enough to be in the public beta. But, who knows.

I still have a lot of hope that I will be able to wrap a public beta by no later than July 4th. And, yet, who knows, you know? A lot of the rewriting that I’m doing is how different things read when you actually play pretend try to read the novel as an objective third party.

I had two sexxy scenes right next to each other that I was totally oblivious about how bad doing so looked, so I had to throw everything up in the air to fix. The problem is fixed, but the whole thing caused a cascading series of events that changed the nature of the novel in ways big and small.

The whole thing was totally unexpected.

But, anyway. Some longer term quibbles I have is my female characters migtht be seen as too emotional. And my heroine doesn’t have enough agency (at the moment.) She gets saved in deu ex machina ways too often and I really need to fix that.

And, yet, in general, things are going really well. My biggest concern is in my attempt to make things “perfect” I will get bogged down to the point that a year from now I’ll still be futzing with things.

‘Putting On The Rizz’ — #Lyrics to a #pop #rock song

Putting On The Rizz
lyrics by @sheltgarner
please give permission if you produce or perform

when you get a little drunk
or maybe drunk as a skunk
there’s no stopping your spunk
you’re ready to roll
be a high roller it’s true
’cause you’re putting on the rizz

putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz

girls and boys may enter your life
(at least for a night)
but we all know it’s yourself you love
with that glint in your eye
that tells us your a mile high
’cause in the end you’re
putting on the rizz

putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz

(bridge)
when you sober up
you’re not longer yourself
just another hungover loser
who gets hung up on
no love to keep
your date just wants to flee

putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz
what else are you going to do
putting on the rizz

‘Baked Into The Cake’ — #Lyrics to a #pop #rock song

Baked Into The Cake
lyrics by @sheltgarner
please give permission if you produce or perform

everything you do
everything you say
never gets in your way
you can be an ass
say things with a lot of sass
but in the end

it’s all baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake

I try dismiss
the rizz that is your mess
but there’s little I can say
much to my dismay
that isn’t just another way
to explain that

it’s all baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake

(bridge)
one day soon
you’ll meet your doom
things will unfold
and you’ll no longer be on a roll
until that day
I have to say

it’s all baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake
baked into the cake

David Spade, Hollywood Short King

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

I was listening to the “Fly On The Wall” podcast with David Spade and Dana Carvey where they interviewed Spade’s’ ex Julie Bowen and I have to say it was kind of hot. Bowmen is a very, very funny woman — and seemingly something of a beautiful handful — and there definitely was some “rizz” between Spade and Bowmen.

The reason why I bring this up is Spade and I share some personality — and physical -traits. We’re both kind of short, in other words. He, of course, is far, far funnier than I am, but if you get me liquored up I do tend to talk a mile a minute about some very thought provoking, interesting things.

My problem I have is may have “rizz” but it’s not very focused and, as such, I can’t score with chicks on as anywhere a near a regular basis as Spade does. But there was a brief moment in time in Seoul where I was something of a man about town and some…interesting…things happened to me.

Now that I’ve entered a new phase of the process of writing a novel, I do again find myself wondering if I blow up with my novel money if I might go back to my old drunk fast talking ways.

I have my doubts.

Even if I really blew up as a first time novelist, I would be so fucking old that the experience wouldn’t be anywhere near as much fun as it was back in Seoul. It would be extremely creepy to hang out with women in their 20s or 30s, no matter how badly I might want to. (Ugh.)

So, it would be totally different than what happened with Seoul. I would be so fucking old that even if I did what I want to do — become a very conspicuous, thought provoking “bi-coastal” celebrity that does humble brags about taking the Red Eye….it just would be different than if I was, say, a normal fucking person and became a success in my early 30s.

In other words, even if I get what I want, I don’t get what I want.

I keep writing about this because I have to manage my expectations.

Time To Daydream

by Shelt Garner
@sheltgarner

Now that I have completed a “private beta” of my first novel, I’m going to spend the next few days trying to go outside my creative comfort zone. Once I start the process editing the private beta to turn it into a public beta, I’m going to have a limited amount of time.

I’m going to have to push myself once I start the public beta process. I’ll only have a month to pull this particular stunt off. But I know I can do it. I’m just going to have to be really aware of my deadline. I can’t keep drifting towards my general goal anymore.

And once I finish the public beta, things are going to not be in my hands anymore. I’m going to have to wait for people to get back to me about the novel. AND, what’s more, all of this will happen in the context of me beginning the querying process AND looking into saving up for a professional editor to look over the novel to improve it, take it to the next level.

My current goal is to start the querying process early next year, just after the holidays wrap up.

As such, I think I’m going to really take seriously the idea of working on the SECOND novel in this projected six novel project. Or something. I’m going to keep writing something, anything, to keep my momentum going.

All of this is going to happen in the context, of course, of some sort of fucking Fourth Turning / civil war happening in 2024 – 2025. “Hopefully” we become an autocracy so at least my novels about how much I fucking hate MAGA will have the opportunity to resonate with millions of other people who feel the same thing as our already dead frog continues to cook and cook.